personally im so fucking tired

“I wish that I could leave myself alone. I wish that I could finally feel that I punished myself enough.”

— Carrie Fisher, The Princess Diarist

My family broke me and they don't even know.

“Every single fucking piece of me hurts.”

—

is it safe to assume that it's not okay once i started living for someone else rather than myself? to think about how others would feel rather than my own? to think that even in death i wouldn't be able to handle others' judgement? yeah i could kill myself easily, i wouldn't care but what will my dad think? he'd probably be mad, think i was such a waste. what will my mom think? she'd probably think i was selfish for taking my own life. my brothers wouldn't give a single fuck.

what's stopping me? judgement,, disappointment,, even in death

dear parents,

do you know what it's like? what it's like to pray to god every single night to "fix me"? to sob his name out in so much pain to let me just wake up to your standards? to just let him fix you and wake up as someone you're not? do you know what it's like wanting to break yourself in hopes that you'll be able to build yourself as someone better? to hate every aspect of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally? to tell yourself you don't deserve nice things? that you don't deserve food, money, shelter because you hate yourself that much?

do you know what it's like to tell yourself you don't deserve life? to ask god to just take you in your sleep since you're just a big waste of space? do you?

“If I die before my time keep in mind I wasn’t fine”

— (via killed-long-ago)

I’m trying so fucking hard and no one sees that. I’m trying so fucking hard to stay alive but my breathing is getting shallow and my heart is beating slower and if I don’t wake up tomorrow just fucking forget about me.

“Every single fucking piece of me hurts.”

—

I just don’t want to fucking be here anymore

when i say my mom’s like no one else i really mean it. i have never met anyone else like her and i believe that no one can truly replace her. she is the only person that pushes me to do things. she’s the only person that makes me want to

slit my throat

cut my wrists

blow my brains out

hang from the ceiling

drink bleach

so here’s to you mom! happy mother’s day!

how do you tell your ex you still love them??

you dont

“I’m not afraid of dying. Pieces of me die all the time.”

— Sage Francis

mood: wanna move to another city and start a new life

have you ever planned to kill yourself a specific day but ended up not doing it and just pass through the day that was supposed to be your last feeling empty, plus the next day feels weird because you are not supposed to be still here…

X_X