whatever-is-on-my-fucked-up-mind
Mind Thoughts
Back on my bullshit.Not pro anything but self love.Everything I post is not meant to be taken seriously or as advice. This is my safe space to let out the thoughts that plague my mind.She/TheyHeight: 4’11”SW: 230ishCW: 154GW: 100UGW: 85
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When I say “I hate my body” I don’t mean “oh I’m a little insecure about my belly” or “I could lose a few pounds” I mean I have physically repulsed by it. It’s horrifying and upsetting to see. I wanna crawl out of my skin.
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Do not perceive me until I am at my gw thank you for your consideration
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my brain saw the slippery slope of unhealthy coping mechanisms and grabbed a fucking sled
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problems of anas starting at an actual obese weight
-your lowest weight is other peoples highest.
-people never noticing that you don’t eat due to your weight.
-ACTUALLY being medically fat, not just feeling fat.
-having legitimate problems working out (knees can’t handle all the weight, asthma, etc)
-”you probably shouldn’t eat that, should you?” when taking your first bite of a remotely unhealthy food in MONTHS.
-losing over 70lbs and still not be close to ‘thin’.
-thinner anas looking down on you because you’re not skinny enough. (actually happened)
-thinner anas telling you to ‘stop starving yourself’ or ‘turn back before you get sick’ when you’ve actually been doing this longer than them.
-MORE SIDE EFFECTS!
-being petty and offended when people half your size call themselves fat in front of you, well knowing you weigh twice as much as them. (this is a personal problem but still)
-actually being happy to be at a NORMAL weight for once.
-”MY BMI IS FINALLY UNDER 25!”
-lower chances of actually hitting your ugw because your body literally can’t lose more.
-LOOSE SKIN. L O T S OF IT.
-knowing you’ve lost more than most of the fellow anas, but not being able to talk about it because your cw isn’t low enough just yet.
so shoutout to all the bigger people with anorexic tendencies, because they deserve way more. because they’ve gone through this pain for so long without enough recognition. because within the ana community, they’re often not even acknowledged. because THEY ARE VALID TOO.
i started at over 250lbs and hit my first plateau at 149, so i do have a right to complain, thank you very much. (i’m just over 5′4. just imagine.)
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I’m hungover and hating myself lol
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When I say I hate myself I’m not being cute or funny
I legitimately despise myself lol
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i feel at any time i could break. i am constantly on the edge, feeling fragile as cracked glass, like water boiling over the pot. i am at all times waiting for that other shoe to drop but im afraid of what i will do if it does
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Teach girls to prioritize feeling safe over being nice.
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me: *impulsively tells someone a fucked up thing about myself*
them: that doesn’t sound healthy
me: yeah lol
me: *thinks about what i told them for 5 hours*
me: why the fuck
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i don’t talk about my problems i just reblog relevant text posts
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I wish I were a cooler, more interesting person.
Instead, I'm on ed Tumblr
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Me: bmi is trash! It's not accurate for different bodies! Bmi doesn't matter!
Me every time I lose 3lbs:
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*me scrolling through ed tumblr* god this is so fucked up *follows literally everyone*
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