the five homoerotic love languages:

- intimate stabbing

- outright obsession

- confused pining

- "no one knows me like you do"

- lifelong promises that always sound suspiciously like wedding vows

babygirl ur upset stomach is cuz chemical reaction of food in yo belly created 8 demon chariot riders and they rode off each into one cardinal + intercardinal direction to go light beacons in nightmare towers etcetera

so trans people should just be allowed to murder whoever they want?

your brain could revolve inside a peanut shell for a thousand years without touching the sides

got fired via a text from my boss who i’ve never digitally communicated with and because it was an unknown number sending a mysterious link with no context (turned out to be security camera footage of me taking 1 can of cheap beer) i assumed it was spam and my immediate response was

nobody:

half full water bottle left behind on the floor of a public bus: *rolls around*

god today has been so awful i really want to *remembering the simurgh knows every possible future and guides me towards my most destructive end* get into league of legends

food sensitivity test...since when is being ok with bleu cheese comparable to eating bread or jelly that has mold on it? the cheese mold is a domesticated creature that we care for and replicate in exchange for making us funny snacks. I know her and I trust her. mold on a fruit could be anybody

been re-reading some batman reborn stuff lol

New York Winter 2014 2015

I can’t explain my fixation on this nightlight, it just keeps showing up

a friend in need is a friend indeed

Ancient Greek Punishment: UI Edition is an odd little experience that allows you to reenact the punishments bestowed by ancient Greek gods in UI form!

Read More & Play The Full Game, Free (Browser)

Australian Federal Election 2001: Pranksters follow around Prime Ministerial contender Kim Beazley in an attempt to sneak fake microphones into news footage

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian Politics

i don't smoke for the obvious reasons of not wanting to develop an addiction to nicotine but god do i so often feel the emotion 'i need a cigarette'.

Id like to propose we invent a paper document u can have where it states that youve had a prescription for so many years, that u can just have it. Walk into any pharmacy. 200 miles from home. Nobody has ever heard of you. Show paper. Get prescription. For free. A prescription diploma. You put in so many years on this prescription, you graduate from having to ask for it. Life could be so perfect.