“RAVAGE the word was glowing on the night sky it was glowing on the cheap wine. hate me so i can hate me more hit me so i can be left to rest take me to the woods after midnight call your friends, fuck me out of this life. distract me. destroy me so i can rise. WICKED the word was glowing when the sun came it was glowing on the blood between my tights while i ran back home and did not dare to cry.”

— camille preaker: BEFORE // kamilla s. (via gaychantee)

“I howl to the moon you come get me. Your cheekbone rubs my chest (I’ve got a heart of an addict, you see) We’ve made Home of this dirty city. We broke the last bottle of red wine on the sky tonight, and reality is spiraling from a distance but nothing matters - just your breath on my neck: b a b y. I howl to you but the moon is the one who comes. Your lips were gunshot. Take me. Overtake me. Repeat.”

— I’m Red about you // Kamilla S. (via gaychantee)

“I will eat you whole so you’ll leave me never.”

— Fragments Of Symbiosis, Kamilla S.

“When you were a child, you heard a cry under your bed. Terrified, you kneeled and said (steady voice at least): - Come out. Let’s play. When you grew up, you found that Devil was a handsome man with the softest of fingers and the sweetest of breaths. He asked you to fight with him but you had your own battlefield. And you promised yourself that the blood mark on the sheets would never be yours. For you could be with him, kiss his lips and even love him after all but you would never be his. Because you are your own. When you were a child, you were afraid of the dark. When you grew up, you went to hell - It was wonderful and now you own it.”

— Souheila // Kamilla S. 

Your escape route for the national poetry month prompt :)

It’s the first time that rains in three months.I’m on the subway. An old man is listening to the radio and I hear it on thenews. The storm brought a tree down on the main avenue. It’s automatic: I smellwet soil, almost feeling it between my fingers. There is a woman sitting infront of me; she has four M’s tattooed on her left arm. Her four children areall jumping around her. Too excited to remain on their seats, like she ordersthem to. The little one is a playing a fake green guitar. I smile at her. Shesmiles at me. Both of us are wearing our favorite dresses tonight. When theMother looks in my eyes I get the feeling that I’ll never understand what exhaustedreally means. The subway stops. The old man with the radio is out. I’m taken bythe sound of the fake guitar’s plastic strings – and I suddenly realize that it’snot that Grandmother didn’t want to teachme how to read, she just didn’t know how.So we’d just lay on our backs for hours and make up stories about young girlswho weren’t princesses nor witches or even monsters. We’d make up stories aboutgirls who were just girls because that’s all they were allowed to. It’sautomatic: I smell carnations and cheap wine, almost feeling it in the tip ofmy tongue. We were laying on our backs when I told you those stories – you repliedthat I owned her writing them down so I would never forget them like you wouldnever forget me. We laughed. It had just rained. We used to laugh all time asif everything wasn’t much more than a huge joke on us all.

I cross my fingers and hope you’ve forgotten everyword I ever said to you. You don’t deserve them. In your mind I should beforever a vague image of a monstress. Too powerful to be touched in such amortal way. I bite my lips and hope that I forget all about you one day. Iclose my eyes to keep the tears inside me – I’m not a girl, I’m an aquarium –and I wish to wake up to the sound of birds again. I wish to run on bare feetagain. God, I miss my golden curls.

It’s my stop. I rush off to the doors – I wantto feel the water touching my skin after so long dry, I want a sign that there’sstill something inside me that can grow. You said I can’t run away forever butthis is not an escape. I’m going home.

concepts: me. fists held high, howling like a wounded animal. begging. crying hymns of violence. with glass on my throat, i order you to leave me. you. not a single slight of fear behind those wide troubled eyes. you carry me to bed like i’m a newborn bird, make me a nest of arms, legs, sheets and our weak - but still beating, hearts. you ask me if want to hear a story about a queen who couldn’t sleep so she turned into a wolf every night. tears are storming down my face. you a lay a kiss on my forehead and say you’re not going anywhere.

Dr. S asked me if I wanted to sleep or not and

looking straight to his pig face I said yes and took the goddamn pills.

Eight hours of dreamless sleep guaranteed.  

Now I’m stuck inside my body and

my eyes are wide open

now I want to scream and run and punch and scream and run but

I have glue on my lips and chains on my feet

THEY ARE COMING

THEY ARE COMING FOR ME.

I took the little round one and prayed for the drugs never

hurt my brain like the people have hurt my mind

I prayed for the monsters to sleep as well

underneath my bed – not by my side

I prayed for softness.

I prayed for rest

I closed my eyes and remember of how brilliant they were

all the sick people I’ve ever known.

While my body surrendered to side effects that old lady I met

at the park

whispered on my ear one more time: They fear us so

that’s how they take us

down.

By poison, until we’re all

underground.

[A conspiracy theory for the National Poetry Month requested by krnsteins​]

“His body was stuck inside my throat His blood was escaping through my white sharp teeth. And the Devil’s hand was resting on my shoulder our hearts beating in unison like hearts of lovers should beat. Swallow it, the man hissed at me. [The Devil is a woman, that’s what they say. A woman with red lips, large hips who will love you with her legs wide open. That’s how it begins; our everlasting Crucifixion.] No – Don’t forgive me, Father because I don’t care. I’m turning my back to Jesus and if I’m not telling you the truth is not for I won’t dare: Now I take pride in my sin. Swallow it, he hissed at me. No. We’ll walk together, away on a march. Our mouths were silenced but we’re hand in hand. One day we’ll learn how to speak again.”

— Apple tastes like Redemption - Kamilla S. [For Andie]

stop. breathe. count to ten. repeat after me: this is real. you are here. ONE. people are fading like sunlight. they’re turning into ghosts of their own faces and you start to walk faster. who are them. who are them? who are you? TWO. the sound of earth is just music, baby. the wind, cars, voices – everything it’s just a soundtrack and you’re one-dimensional too. THREE. your throat was wrapped by a sweet, soft web. there’s a tiny hand trying to reach it, trying to take it off of you. FOUR. fear can make you run real fast until it puts you to the ground. how long you think you can take this? In a second you’ll slip, break your face on the street. all is glass so you’ll cut real deep. what’s next? FIVE. remember that time when you met a friend and she said you looked like a character coming straight from the twenties? a character of fiction. well, she’s fiction too. SIX. can you hear it? they’re coming to get you they’re coming to get you don’t let them get you they’re coming now. now! SEVEN. it won’t hurt if you jump. EIGHT. it’s for the best if you do. NINE. what are they whispering about? can you hear it? can you? why they own such large mouths? they’re gonna eat you. they’re coming to get you. now. now. TEN. it’s just too loud i can’t take this make it stop make it stop. it won’t hurt if i jump? they are coming for me make it stop i can’t run this is fiction they’re here i can’t run my face is falling apart all is glass it won’t hurt if i jump. i’ll jump.

stop. breathe. count to ten. repeat after me: i exist.

IS IT WORKING YET?

Discussion 10/7/15

1. Anomaly 2. Violence 3. What is irreplaceable 4. What is forbidden 5. Pyrrhic victory

“& all I can think of is licking the blood that drips from the tip of your tongue: [Why don’t you ever bite me instead?]”

— THIRSTY // kamilla s. 

“I saw you first, in a dream of mine. You, the girl with the clenched fists with the red cheeks with the white dress. I saw you first and I was already loosing. You were already running, you were already choosing. I saw you first – you, with the secret smile, wide open eyes & I felt on your feet while you blew a kiss and cut my head off.”

— BEATRIZ // kamilla s.

when sally rooney wrote “I thought about all the things I had never told Nick about myself, and I started to feel better then, as if my privacy extended all around me like a barrier protecting my body. I was a very autonomous and independent person with an inner life that nobody else had ever touched or perceived” I felt that

wanna make an all girls gc where we all touch ourselves together and to each other🥰 like & reblog if interested!

I've had this fantasy for a while of being an artist in graduate school. To pay for my classes, I work as a waiter and do commissioned paintings.

One day a beautiful woman approaches me at a show and asks me if I'll do a portrait of her. She wants a full body nude painting done to send to her lover who works and lives abroad. I agree, as painting nude models is nothing new to me and we agree to meet at her house. She pays me upfront and after every portrait sitting session. In only a few weeks, I'm almost done with the painting and have paid off this semester.

Finally it comes time to paint the details of her statuesque body. When I arrive at her house that day, she is wearing only a silk robe. I finish setting up in her guest room where we've been working and look to her to take off the robe to begin. I realize that she seems nervous so I assure her I've seen plenty of nude women before and it won't be awkward at all. What I don't tell her is that she's by far the most beautiful. She seems reassured and finally drops the robe in a flutter of red silk.

I need a moment to take all of her in. Her breasts are incredible. They sag a bit from the wight of them but it only serves to give her a perfect hourglass shape and complements her soft thighs. I realize why she was nervous. For between her legs, at the end of the happy trail of soft brown hair down her stomach, is a soft cock, serveral inches in length.

I swallow hard trying not to blush as I take in her incredible form, and before I can be distracted by what's in between her legs, I get to work painting.

When I finish for the day, I have almost her whole body finished. Her shapely tits and soft tummy and thighs I wanna bury my face in. She has her robe back on and we look at my work together. I become embarrassed when I realized I may have subconsciously left her cock unfinished because I want to see her in all her glory one more time. She puts a calming hand on my shoulder and thanks me for my work. I'll be back next week for the last session.

I spend the whole week looking forward to that day, waiting to see her again. Finally its here and we're back in the guest room, her robe pooled around her feet. I don't get too far into the work when she asks in a sweet voice if she could make a request. Would it be possible, since the painting is for her lover, that I could paint her erect? There is a blush on her cheeks as she asks. I stammer a response, my mind whirring. Its like she could see into my mind and pluck out the desires that I shouldn't be having for my client. I don't even remember what I've just said, but she's stroking her cock now and I can't pull my eyes away.

She laughes a little bit. Nervously. I want to do something, anything to make her feel more at ease. To let her know that its okay, that I even want this. I must have said something outloud because she beckons me forward with a smile. I am on my knees suddenly. My hand in hers, stroking her now semi-hard member. She moans softly and its all I can do to keepmyself focused on helping her get hard so we can finish the painting.

But when some precum starts to form at the head, making my hand slick, any thoughts of professionalism I may have had are gone. I take the head of her cock into mouth and begin to suck desperately. Before long, she's got her fingers in my hair and I'm drooling around her cock, now fully hard and almost too big for my mouth.

She pulls away suddenly and I whine like a little slut at my suddenly empty mouth. She doesn't hesitate to pull me up from the floor onto the guest bed. I moan something that was meant to be a yes and help her pull off my jeans. She taps her slicked cock against the entrance of my hole a few times before sliding it in one thrust. I cry out in pleasure and pain as she fucks me in ernest now, painting forgotten.

Its not long before I'm cumming on her, this position hitting all the right spots. My clenching around her thick cock finally drives her over the edge and she cums filing me until a mix of our cum begins to drip down my thighs. She holds me in her arms as we both relax again and she tells me how she can't wait for her lover to meet me and see how talented I am.

yes, baby, I know it felt good touching yourself, I know you were so close to coming. but, let me take care of you, okay? ah, ah, no closing your legs on me, beautiful. let me just sit on this end of the bed, put my hands on your knees, spread your legs apart and - oh, there it is. there's that wet pussy. angel, there's no need to close them on me and get embarassed, I just want to sit back for a few minutes and admire how soaked you are for me. you're just drenched, aren't you, completely at my mercy? just let me sit back, while my eyes take it all in. baby, I know you want it touched - no, no, you want it, darling, not need it. you'll need it once I - yes, sweetheart, once I start trailing my finger across the length of it, just skimming up and down, the tip my finger getting soaked and glistening with you. I know it's so close to your clit, baby, but you just have to be patient as I - my goodness, listen to that loud moan as I finally push my finger in. fuck, you're so wet and tight around just one of my fingers. your walls are clamping down on me, trapping my finger inside so it never leaves your hole. no, don't move your hips, don't thrust them up. I'll choose when I move my finger, not you. oh, my goodness, your begs are so pretty. alright, darling - ah, there you go, mouth hanging open as I start thrusting my finger in and out, in and out, feeling how well the hole of your tight, tight cunt stretches around me. fuck, it's so hot and warm and gushing on my finger. I know it's embarrassing, baby, to just lie back and take it as I fuck you, my eyes on your nipples and watching them get all stiff and hard for me. maybe I'll just reach out, take one between my fingers and pinch. baby, judging from how you arched so prettily like that, you liked it. I know you're feeling humiliated, your body naked while I'm fully clothed and sitting up, fingering you while you twist and writhe beneath me, still lying down. what am I doing? oh, I'm just adding another finger, and, fuck, there we go. you're opening so well for me, sweetheart, stretching so wide and loose for me. you're so perfect, I just want your pussy to warm my fingers all day. let's add another just to get you all open and ready for my strap. mhm, my strap, baby. but, not until you come like this first, clenching and fluttering over my fingers. I know you're getting all shy and rosey-cheeked as I watch how well your cunt swallows my fingers, but my pretty toy, you just look so good, so beautiful as my fingers sink so easily into your hole and just disappear, my palm soaked with you. c'mon, baby, give me that come, let me taste it. let me play with you tonight and make you mine.