my friend vera is showering listening to pitseleh by elliott smith. that's one of the many songs pietro dedicated to me. i just want to go to the sea. it's been a long time since i've seen something beautiful

boxing listening to south american music. nostalgic, elegant

ripetutamente del senso di colpa. santa caterina da siena che espia le colpe del caso dopo la morte della sorella cara. già nei diari della mia giovinezza c'era un sentore come di martire rinnovato da chi negli anni mi ha chiamata Santa, prima ancora che io avessi il coraggio di chiudermi nello spazio angusto del martirio. non per scelta (di qui l'angusto - manca il respiro). lieve egocentrismo, l'idea di poter permettere (promettere?) agli altri il paradiso tramite la mia abnegazione. poi tendenza all'ascetismo che diventa mania di perfezione. stare immobile a contemplare un'idea nella mente.

terrore del desiderio. "riscoprire me stessa nel desiderio". sembra impossibile.

johann sebastian bach. raddrizzo la schiena. i doveri mi animano. null'altro che i doveri. fino anche alla tortura. i doveri, come anche ciò che devo a chi amo. essere amata sembra allora non importare. eppure sto male: è questo il sinonimo del mio mentire?

"when asked on twitter about the album name's significance, sparhawk said "mim loved roses, and sometimes i think she is God."

l'assenza di speranza può generare individui molto perspicaci

i completely rely on time, because i'm no longer able to understand what to do on my own, and i have never trusted others. i have lost my nose and my long-sightedness. i have lost my sense of poetry. i can only wait. suffering, biting knuckles, watching the sky for a sign. changing direction, every now and then, like a wounded animal.

when does it stop hurting? i haven't dreamed of my father for a few nights. yet life still seems impossible to me. as well as staying away from our dog.

i should tattoo the word 'wrong' on my cornea

this show is amazing. not only monk is incredibly funny (and obsessive-compulsive), he is also constantly dealing with the loss of his wife, so that very often the show acquires decidedly more intimate tones. when it happens, it hurts, but i'm somehow healing myself even through these little things.

marcia ellison: it's still how she left it. do you want to go in? there might be something you want to keep adrian monk: i can't marcia ellison: i know. it took me 2 and half years adrian monk: how did you do it, marcia? how did you survive? marcia ellison: i didn't think i would. i was buried alive adrian monk: buried alive marcia ellison: and then one day, the sun came up. my garden was blooming. kids were riding by the house on their bikes, and i decided to give the world a second chance. it's still a beautiful world, adrian

i feel empty. and bored. i have alredy seen the lord of the rings few days ago, but i need to see it again. to corroborate my spiririt a little bit more.