I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

“he would not fucking say that!” then put him in a situation that makes him say it, we wanna see him squirm

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

Someone: Arthur almost died. There must be a Traitor among us! I think it’s Merlin!!

Elyan: Impossible.

Percival: Absolutely not.

Gwaine: If it is Merlin, we would know.

Someone: How so?

Lancelot: Then Arthur wouldn’t be almost dead.

Leon: Arthur would be dead for sure.

Every single response I see @neil-gaiman give on this hellsite has the exact same energy as an extremely tired king of a tiny medieval country, pinching the bridge of his nose as he once more decides which peasant the pumpkin TRULY belongs to

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

there are some internet friends where eventually you start calling them by their real name and then there’s times where its like nah son your name is crispy forever

Adult Swim making an unholy amount of sense.

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

So that’s how my morning is going.

It's funny when your mutuals are using a queue. Like, ah yes, my beloved has liked my post. I shall await the notice of their reblog sometimes next week. delightful.

Abolish the comic book industrial complex 🙂

the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be killed on sight

I love overanalyzing comedies and suddenly seeing the (sometimes intentional, sometimes unintentional) overwhelming tragedy of them, it's like peeking through the Lovecraftian veil and coming back forever changed, knowing more than man was ever meant to know but unable to share that knowledge unless the others have also already seen™️ the great beast (subtext and various details not visible to the untrained eye) themselves

My niece had wanted to see the puppies tonight but I had to explain that they were still at home because they had tummy aches (white lie). And she wanted to know why.

@wolfchanw : Well, they went to the doctor today to have surgery to remove their testicles and now they have tummy aches

Niece: *thinking hard* Sometimes, when I go to the doctor and he removes MY testicles I get a tummy ache too!

To say I nearly died laughing....