when madeline miller wrote “he is half of my soul, as the poets say" and when emily brontë wrote “do not leave me in this abyss! oh god it is unutterable! i cannot live without my life! i cannot live without my soul!" and when i started feeling this unspeakable longing for what seems to be a romantic connection just last night but my soul is whole in itself and seeks nothing more than the gentleness found in the presence of another.
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“Yes, dearest Vita: I do miss you; I think of you: I have a million things, not so much to say, as to sink into you.”
— Virginia Woolf in a letter to Vita Sackville-West c. March 1926
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idk but being equally obsessed with each other sounds hot to me
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insp.
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I'll be honest, my biggest takeaway from the sneak peek wasn't, "Yes Pen, read him for filth!" It was, "Oh Pen is totally shame spiralling out of control." Because yes, Penelope has every right to be upset with Colin and tell him why she is upset, but most of the emphasis in this scene is on just how much Penelope hates herself. She doesn't believe Colin when he compliments her dress (a direct parallel to scenes Pen has had with Marina and Edwina in the past), she calls herself a spinster even though she's only 19 (I'm willing to bet Portia refers to Penelope as a spinster at some point before this scene), she assumes Colin sees her as an embarrassment, and again she points out that even though she managed to change her wardrobe, she is still a laughingstock.
This whole scene does way more to demonstrate Penelope's insecurities than it does to paint Colin as someone who needs to grovel for forgiveness. If anything, Colin is handling the situation maturely. He openly communicates his feelings, he doesn't deny what he said, and it's clear he wants to work through the issue.
Penelope is so unhappy with herself that she's taking it out on him more than she should. It's easier to blame him for the one thing he said rather than force herself to look inward. But I think once Colin comes to her again with his plan to help her find a husband, this is going to shift. Penelope will be put in a position where she will have to reflect on those insecurities and Colin will be the one with her on that journey.
Which brings us back to Nicola talking about Penelope putting Colin on a pedestal. He might be off of that pedestal after what he said last season, but she still doesn't view him as a fully flawed human being yet. Once Penelope forgives Colin at the end of 3x01, it's going to open up her eyes and allow her to see Colin as a full human being and as her equal (not as her idol). This is how we get "You're my mess," and "You're the imperfect man of my heart."
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vampirism poses the question "what if there was a fundamental, horrible, unending well of want in your soul that, if truly satisfied, would lead to great pain for all those you hold closest and, in turn, their absolute and total revilement of you?" and naturally as a person with no problems I don't relate to this in any way at all.
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Underrated form of intimacy: you listen to me intently as I endlessly rant about crime and punishment to you
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Okay gotta just say something right now and I pray someone knows what I'm referring to. ourWorld was a fucking banger game and I'm so sad not many people know what it is when I mention it lmao
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getting real nostalgic over 2020 for some reason.
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