i barely know you but...

it’s just your hair. it falls delicate and elegant like a snowflake, dark and cascading like a waterfall over the jagged edges of smooth ebony at midnight- splattered with swirls of silky caramel.  it’s like sunlight wrapped in shadows and rich earth speckled with gold. 

or maybe it’s your eyes. pools of honey i could swim in, the glow of the sinking sun in an eclipse, or the rich amber i get trapped in, nothing but an enraptured fly. sunlight filtering through the glass window, illuminating a bottle of bourbon or brandy or whisky or some kind of liquor. i don’t know because i’ve never had alcohol, i get intoxicated on your laugh alone. 

oh, your laugh. it’s like the tinkling wind chimes or a dancing melody high on the right side of a piano. it’s the whistling wind over gurgling brooks… it’s like bottled up sunshine on icy crystals, and all i want to do is get drunk on it all night. punctuated by your musical voice, the most gorgeous harmony i’ve ever been graced with. i watch the chords escape your lips, pretty and pale pink and shaped like a heart. i feel they would fit perfectly with mine, like puzzle pieces clicking into place, if only you would let us try. 

i hate you like nature, the allure of a rose that hasn’t bloomed, the moth’s pearl and mint sheen that only you could pull off in a dress and the comfort of cool mud adorning my bare feet.  i hate you like the night sky, the way i can never see the full beauty of the moon, every bit of dead starlight we promise on and every plain meteor disguised as a shooting star that plunges to the ground for my whims. i hate you like a far off sight i will never know and the perfect whirl of indigo paint on a white canvas and biting into a berry and the sound of a fire crackling at night and the aroma of coffee in the morning and the solace of cold sunlight on a frigid february day and the way ballerinas look like swans when they spin. i hate our present, when i say i hate in place of i love. but i truly hate our past, the moments we’ve never shared and the memories we never made and i hate our future, every morning we don’t wake up together and every night i dont see your flushed face last.

where can we, when can we find a secret moment, a clandestine tryst? when can your heartbeat settle next to mine, in the quiet space between shadow and soul that’s mysterious and new but feels like home all the same? oh darling, i barely know you and i hate it. i hate you. but i love you all the same.