You know what I love?

Apart from trouble, I'm a huge fan of technology. Who would know that you could block a contact with a click of a button? Don't believe me Sam? Maybe you should pick up that cell phone and try to call your ex-friend.

Oh my, oh my

It seems like the little secrets surfaced without me. Our usual four parties caused a stir; a stir to the heart after all.

Just like I had predicted, Q and S seemed to have done the nasty, and I do mean the sex nasty. Poor, poor, poor Frannie and her paradoxical hope her girlfriend wouldn't give in to her sister's seduction. I also heard that Sam is jealous, jealous that the girl he had been drilling seems to have feelings for someone else. Funnily enough, you knew what you were getting yourself into Trouty, so stabbing your best friend in the back? I just wish you the best of luck (actually I don't; I think you deserve however Quinn treats you from now on). I really, really enjoy how you claim Quinn is or was your best friend, but you betrayed her trust because of your immaturity.

Noah Puckerman and college? I'd never thought I'd hear that phrase in my life. I do agree with him; college is definitely not for a guy like him. How many Puckermans does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm unsure, but they'd had to figure out how to read the manual first.

I heard someone hooked up at Quinn's new years party, do you know anything about that?

I have in fact, some quite reliable sources that told me this is a possibility, but I'm not allowed to reveal anything without confirmation.

What is that I hear?

If you thought you were going to get rid of me so easily, you were wrong - regardless, all of you are wrong about 90% of the time. Its like dealing with over-sized toddlers. But I love watching the earth tumble underneath every single one of your feet. There are some things that are beyond our control, others that are so stupidly under our control that I do not understand how you morons even graduated from high school.

First off, one of my sources says that Santana Lopez does not want to get wanky with one Fabray, but with both (and I don't mean at the same time, because I don't think all of you are that gross). You know those little lingering touches you share with Quinn, Santana? You better watch yourself, because I'm sure your precious girlfriend would not like to know you've been wanting to shack up her little sister. It seems like everyone's ultimate fantasy is Quinn nowadays - I wonder if she really is that good in bed. You better measure up to Trouty mouth, Lopez - he seems to be good at getting the girl (or getting in her). But what about Trouty and the girl that got away? Rumour has it (although I'm absolutely sure its not a rumour), Sam spent his day in the Fabray residence, coincidentally not doing Quinn Fabgay and pounding her into the mattress, but in Frannie's room. I'm still unsure of what they did in there but Quinn is not the only one who seems distressed about this behavior. I think you deserve better, Satan. I really do.

Second, I would like to talk about someone who hasn't graced us with his presence in my blog - surprisingly, you're not as fun to talk about as you were before, Hummel. Kurt might be the loudest person I know after his best friend, Rachel Berry, but he certainly doesn't seem to have the voice to pursue his dreams. What are you doing in Lima? Why are you not with your roommate back in New York? God knows Berry needs a nice consolation; I may start to think that his juicy boyfriend Blaine Anderson might be holding him back.

Pretty, petty little Marley Rose likes to lie. And you know what they say about liars. The longer you keep this secret of yours hidden, the harder you will fall and the harder you will try to pick yourself back up. I know someone named Ryder Lynn who would not like to know that the girl he wants to date is throwing up her meals like Nicole Richie after christmas dinner.

Keep something in mind: the harder you try to hide something, the easier it is for me to dig the truth.

You know what I find uninteresting?

All you losers and your petty, whiny drama. Seriously, I had hoped that after high school you'd all mature into qualified, functional individuals but its like watching a high school version of Jerry Springer while Anderson Cooper yells his thoughts on gay marriage in the background. I know you're all a bunch of queers, but seriously, Quinn Fabray likes the ladies and Noah Puckerman is drilling Finn Hudson into the mattress every hour. I always guessed all of your sexualities would be hanging by a thin line; its like a contagious chain of homosexuality that spread like a pandemic. Before all of you babies even begin to question my motives, I will only just say this once: I don't have one. I get a kick on watching all of you metaphorically rip your hairs out and punch and kick and fight over relationship drama, family drama, and other petty high school bull shit.

But whatever, I'm just here to tell everyone the truth. So here it is, uncensored, no sugar coating:

I heard it through the grapevine that Frannie Fabray (yes, Quinn Fabray's hotter, taller, more successful older sister) is not only dating McKinley High's hottest piece of ass (Santana Lopez), but is very much jealous of her baby sister. Why is she jealous? I also heard Quinn Fabray and Sam Evans have been doing the nasty. Finally after a long period of waiting, Sam gets sex from 'Holier-than-thou' Quinn and is not even dating her. But I also heard this didn't happen once, but several times since Quinn's arrival in Lima. I'm not sure what I'm more concerned about, the older Fabray's jealousy over her sister fucking Trouty stupid, or the fact that Frannie can't date within her own age. I wonder what Santana will think when she knows her girlfriend is jealous over something that involves Trout Mouth and her on-and-off best friend.

Noah Puckerman is not the tough cookie we all thought he was. Not only is he dating man-boobs, but he's also experienced first-hand bullying in his work place. What is that? I thought you were tougher than this, but obviously, ever since that petty attempt to date Zizes, you have become nothing but a weak link. I feel sorry for you, honestly. I'm not quite sure if Finn Hudson is worth the trouble.

Little Ms. Innocence Marley Rose has been dealing with more than just show choir competitions. Seriously girl, you're beautiful, and I don't say that a lot. Someone needs to find out why is this wallflower throwing up her meals and starving herself into oblivion. Sweetie, you need help - and by help maybe you should find Ms. OCD-Pillsbury to help you with your struggles.

I hope you all remember that your secrets? Well, they aren't safe with me to begin with.