Our very own Sylvil Nabast, back in the studio and ready to keep it mild.

Ayve never been ayble to contayn my daymond feelings to just one troll. Evayryone's just so pitiable. (*/﹏＼*) But Ay don't want to just have one-day flings either, Ay crayve the closeness that only long-tayme moirayles know. What should Ay do??

Well, depending on how much is left in your natural lifespan, you might consider dating on the warmer end! Just because you'll have time to do it again and again and again doesn't mean it won't be a long time for them! Likewise, the terminally ill or elderly may not have a lot of time left, but there's still plenty to love -- especially since you won't be risking your donation season on it!

If you're looking for something even shorter term, you might try looking at the Imperium's Top Ten Most Dangerous Professions! Check the projected life expectancies of each, and find something that looks like the time commitment you're hoping for. If you lose them a little early, you'll be more than ready for the next to help soothe your sorrows. If they last longer than expected, you can be proud to be quadded to one of the best in their field!

Some might think it takes a big pusher to pity the dying, but I'll never tell your secret if you won't ;)

- Serina Bauble~

i have two matesprits, and i dabble in pale with them too.

I really want to be flippant about this, but it sounds like you three are very confused!  It’s doing both of your partners an injustice to split your affections between them like that.  Why give each of them half a matesprit and a sprinkle of moirallegiance, when you could give each one a full -- and distinct! -- quadrant?

Are both of them really happy being half-time?  They’re not just settling for what you’ve been giving them?  Maybe the heart to heart you really need might involve setting some boundaries.  Think about it!

- Adjutant Serina Bauble, Professional Killustrator

Are you ready for the romantic psychological thriller of the season?

I'm a LowbLood who's seen as quite voiLent. It makes potentiaL paLes shy away from me, as I'm supposed to be the caLm papper. I think this is discrimination. But I don't know how to soLve it.

Well, you should be the calm papper – but maybe what you need is somebody so violent that you look calm by comparison!  Imagine how sweet it could feel to come to a productive compromise with your moirail, and agreeing to break only one of their victim’s limbs – together!  There’s nothing saying you can’t aim high, and help fix someone that seems excessive even by your standards.

But, if you’re really dead set on being soothed by someone else, … well, the great thing about being low is the standards are way down there too!  If you manage to steal the pusher of some warm little thing that wants a practice moirail before they move on to something more challenging, or maybe one that just wants someone like them that they can actually handle?  There’s nothing wrong with that, and I support you.  After all, there’s always somebody lower!

Either way, it looks like the middle of the road troll just isn’t where you need to be.  Shoot for the stars or the mud, and be your best you :)

I believe in you!

- Killustrator Serina Bauble

I'm in love with a fuchsia! But I'm loyal only our glorious Empress! What am I to do! I can't betray her like that! But she is bound to be culled eventually! Sets my poor navy heart a aching!

Even the doomed need pity!

Of course, you’ll need to be prepared to swear and prove your allegiance to our Empress, and possibly get culled as well if she deems your display unconvincing, but it’s very possible that a gentle hand could help dissuade an irritable heiress from taking out important infrastructure on her way out!

Not only could you make an important difference in the world, but I think everyone deserves at least a chance at pity.  Invest in life insurance and make sure your flush and pitch quadrants know to make backup plans, but I think you should go for it!

If you live long enough, maybe you could even write a best-seller about it, too!

Crossing my fingers for you!

-- Serina

I am New To Quadrants, and I constantly Rub and Pap my Excellent Moirail on his Sweetiepie Wiggle Fins but how do I get him to rub my Ears in return? I have already tried Posing Demurely in Luscious-Looking Heaps that could reasonably become Piles and Ambushing Him from the Rafters. Thank You Dears.

Well, it sounds like you’re a hands-on sort of troll and he’s into it -- so have you considered just taking his hands and putting them where you want them?  Tell him what you want softly, look up (or down) through your best, shiniest lashes, and croon for him until he feels like a gift to trollkind.  Of course, if he’s Not into it, he could snap your neck very very easily..  ...but what’s love without a little risk, right?  Sometimes, a little spice is exactly what that special someone needs to pass the eons.

- Serina Bauble

WoW, What a Well Worded question!! it's clear you care a lot about your sWeetiepie Wigglefins, to the point of saying some things that not even Miss destress (yours truly) Would be Wholly Brave enough to say!! and such a Bold person deserves some Bold jeWelry to show off their Best assets!! have you tried some earrings to draW attention Where you Want it Most?? never underestiMate the value of jeWelry, and fashion in general!! it can highlight good features and MiniMize Bad, and draw the eye to Where you need affection Most!! that's Why the faMous papper, sylvil naBast, Wears those fashionable White gloves to accentuate her hands. that's just good Marketing. Market yourself hoW you want hiM to perceive you, and you can't fail!!

~~ your faithful advisor, Miss destress!!

Judging from the contents of this ask, I think it is safe to say that you're courting a seadweller in pale. Remember your place, remember that he chose you, and that you wouldn't want to let him down by getting too presumptuous. Perhaps this is the time to settle, to let him decide what moves are worth taking when. Highblood culture is different and often much slower paced to account for their longer lives. Only lowbloods feel the need to jump into everything without being demure, and we must try to tame those instincts when we are blessed with the attention of those above us. Everything will come in time. Maybe not our time, but in time.

– Sandra Elutik, Social Media Manager

do you have any advice someone with their first moirail? i want to satisfy all of my palemates needs but im not a troll myself; what are the basics?

I just want to say, it’s so brave and forward-thinking of you to keep the future in mind like that.  Just because you won’t be available forever doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to pity or be pitied while you can – and if you’re lucky, maybe they’ll even be able to visit you in the helm!  Gosh, crossing my fingers for you.

So here’s the 411.

First off, some of it depends on whether you are the papper or the pappee.  When being papped, remember to be vocal – let them know how you’re feeling, what’s working, and what isn’t.  Help your pacifier find every little key they need to know how you work from top to bottom, and they’ll have you melting in their hands in no time.

Of course, some things are important for both partners – make sure your partner knows you’re thinking of them, and appreciate them!  Small gifts, clever memes and wordplay..  You might want to focus on associating things with your quadrant, so that things they run across will remind them of you - and make them more likely to visit as the sweeps go on!

As far as being the pacifying party goes, how this works depends entirely on the troll you’re pacifying.  In general though – meet their eyes without challenging them.  Put yourself (metaphorically!) in their shoes, and ask yourself what they need to hear.  Offer soft physical contact, and let them choose whether or not to accept it.  Reassure their fears, stroke away their worries, and most importantly ask them what’s wrong and if violence is really the answer that’s best for them right now.

Help your palemate figure out what they need, and help them get it.  And, if you really care for them as the sweeps go on, make sure they know how to communicate their needs clearly, even if they have to do it to someone new.

You can do it,

- Adjutant Serina Bauble

Are you ready for the TGM Exclusive Bright-Season Surf-N-Turf Centerfold? Because we have a LEAKED INTERVIEW with rising diamond Jekzam Lorlei, where he tells (almost!) all about his sugary new affair with rumored Milenko Records headliner – but is it Rapsta Slamzy, or Marvus Xoloto?

Also featuring the article you’ve been waiting for, Loosely With This Guy In Diamonds – Ten Ways To Tell If Your Maybe-Quad Is A Definitely-Quad!

Are you ready for the TGM Exclusive Bright-Season Surf-N-Turf Centerfold? Because we have a LEAKED INTERVIEW with rising diamond Jekzam Lorlei, where he tells (almost!) all about his sugary new affair with rumored Milenko Records headliner -- but is it Rapsta Slamzy, or Marvus Xoloto?

Also featuring the article you've been waiting for, Loosely With This Guy In Diamonds -- Ten Ways To Tell If Your Maybe-Quad Is A Definitely-Quad!

i'm sO terribly in lOve with this lOwblOOd, sOmeOne i really shOuldn't care fOr. sOmeOne whO i was actually destined tO kill. but their upkeep is hOrrid. they're made Of filth and live in a dump and eat trash and get drunk and are vehement abOut keeping their misery tO themselves, they never brush their hair and it curls arOund their hOrns in the mOst annOying way... i want tO hOld them sO bad and maybe wash their back in the bath. i'm gOing crazy. they dOn't even brush their fangs.

Well…   I mean, technically speaking, if you changed your mind about what to do with them, it would be a lot easier to kill an ex than date a corpse!

Not to read too much into it, but it sounds almost like a cry for help to me.  Maybe you’re the change they need in their life, and the constant spectre of death will help them get things under control!   I think you should go for it.  Wash them, hold them, and help them treat themselves right – it might only be a fraction of your life, but you could completely redefine the rest of theirs!

You never know when you’ll find a precious diamond after brushing the muck away. And if it turns out to be coprolite instead, you can just kill them and not have to worry about it anymore!

Follow your dreams,

- Adjutant Serina Bauble~

So I was visiting the wreckage

Can you believe it’s been like, over an entire sweep since the local office got collateral damaged?  Anyway, recently I was feeling cute so I decided to go take some selfies in the ruins (and of course I brought an example to share with all the fans out there, I got you!), but you will not Believe who I met there.

None other than our very own Miss Destress!!  It turns out, there were survivors, so now we’re looking through all our old files and trying to get in contact with anyone whose personelle records survived – cross your fingers, but Trolls Gone Mild might be back (sort of, maybe)!

So hey, if you used to work here, consider logging in and checking our drafts!  There’ll be a link to the new top secret meeting site waiting for you~

Proudly yours,

Adjutant Serina Bauble, Professional Killustrator ;)

Some problems aren’t going anywhere without the finest imperially-approved broad-tooth comb -- or maybe, that special someone getting a little more hands-on . . .?

Get a free hair matt service at your local participating cosmeticuller with coupon code #you-MATTer -- from advanced teasing and inclusions to discrete removal, You can matt ‘er.

yo what the fuck, she some kind of mutant? what a freakish color.

You know, if you don't like my selfie filters, you can just say it straight! I'm a perfectly normal teal thank you very much.

-- Adjutant Serina Bauble

We here at TGM do not hire mutants, though we have been known to write articles on imperially approved charity cases such as the legally undocked and those with unfortunate but not completely disgusting and occasionally slightly desirable mutations. Thank you so much for your continued interest and concern!

-- Sandra Elutik, Social Media Manager

So I was visiting the wreckage

Can you believe it’s been like, over an entire sweep since the local office got collateral damaged?  Anyway, recently I was feeling cute so I decided to go take some selfies in the ruins (and of course I brought an example to share with all the fans out there, I got you!), but you will not Believe who I met there.

None other than our very own Miss Destress!!  It turns out, there were survivors, so now we’re looking through all our old files and trying to get in contact with anyone whose personelle records survived – cross your fingers, but Trolls Gone Mild might be back (sort of, maybe)!

So hey, if you used to work here, consider logging in and checking our drafts!  There’ll be a link to the new top secret meeting site waiting for you~

Proudly yours,

Adjutant Serina Bauble, Professional Killustrator ;)

So I was visiting the wreckage

Can you believe it’s been like, over an entire sweep since the local office got collateral damaged?  Anyway, recently I was feeling cute so I decided to go take some selfies in the ruins (and of course I brought an example to share with all the fans out there, I got you!), but you will not Believe who I met there.

None other than our very own Miss Destress!!  It turns out, there were survivors, so now we’re looking through all our old files and trying to get in contact with anyone whose personelle records survived -- cross your fingers, but Trolls Gone Mild might be back (sort of, maybe)!

So hey, if you used to work here, consider logging in and checking our drafts!  There’ll be a link to the new top secret meeting site waiting for you~

Proudly yours,

Adjutant Serina Bauble, Professional Killustrator ;)

how do i comfort myself when im feeling everything is crashing down? what do i do when i feel lonely but theres nobody to get to?

It depends what you’re missing!

For anxiety or stress, I highly recommend fidget toys!  Most of them are aimed at cubicle workers or wrigglers, but there’s no shame in having one around to keep your hands busy, and it can be good for your manual dexterity!

For loneliness, try joining a club for enthusiasts of your favorite hobby!  If you have any interests that are more appropriate for people below your station, you could probably get away with relaxing and doing whatever you like in a room full of your lessers, without worrying about anyone whose opinion will matter in the longterm!

For comfort, spoil yourself!  There’s nothing wrong with taking yourself out on a date to your favorite restaurant alone, or buying yourself a present just because you want it!  After all, you’re the only person you’ll have your whole life -- look out for you once in a while!

To keep yourself busy, try spending more time on hobbies where you either practice a skill, or end up with something solid to look at afterwards!  You’ll be able to show off later, when you do have friends!

Stay strong, friend!  Good luck!

- Adjutant Bauble