this decision is a long time coming and I highly doubt it will surprise most of you who have followed me for a while. for a while now, I’ve had a really hard time staying in one place as far as Tumblr is concerned. it’s been increasingly tough for me to find a muse that I’m comfortable with writing consistently and that problem has only grown with time, to the point where my role play accounts are way beyond unmanageable. the turn of the year came with a great deal of self-reflection in regards to this subject — and I think I’ve come up with the only solution that will force me back on track. frankly, this constant muse-switching, the feeling of responsibility on so many accounts, the deep guilt that comes with making people wait so long for responses when I’m emotionally involved with another muse.

the thing is, for a long time, I’ve been stuck in this area between searching for my soul in different characters and then not wanting to abandon said characters when the inspiration slips away because I don’t want to be a disappointment. I love my followers and my partners so much and the last thing I want to do is let them down. but by sticking around, by continuing to stretch myself thinner and thinner with promises that I won’t abandon certain accounts, etc., in the long run, I feel like I’ve been more of a disappointment than if I just made a decision. not only that, but I think this cycle of mine has damaged my mental health, simply because it continuously puts a huge amount of stress on me and makes me feel rotten about myself. if I feel rotten about myself, I’m not going to want to write. and if I don’t want to write, nothing gets done on any of my muses, which is worse than the alternative of just getting things done on one.

so by trying again and again not to be a disappointment, I’ve only ensured that I will disappoint more people, especially as I join new fandoms and gather new partners. it destroys my opinion of myself more even than it destroys other people’s opinions of me. it’s put me in a bad place — and it needs to stop.

I know that this announcement will let some people down. even as I write this, it’s breaking my heart to know that, because that’s what I’ve tried to avoid (although I’ve done a terrible job of it). this has nothing to do with any of you and everything to do with me. I love my partners so much. you have all contributed to my growth as a writer in every possible way. you have no idea how much it hurts me to let you down, but in order to get better, this is something I have to do.

I WILL NOT BE LEAVING TUMBLR. on the contrary, although I know you’ve all done this a million times, I am going to ask you guys to follow me one last time.

I’ve created a muse that I think I can stick with, because I’ve thought a great deal about what his creation means to me. that muse is death. first of all: he is basically non-fandom. after a serious amount of reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that fandom is a huge source of stress for me. even if the fandom itself is kind and generous (and they so often are not), playing canon characters is a serious trigger for my perfectionism. seeing as perfection is absolutely impossible to achieve, it leads to endless stress, especially with big canons like Tyrion and Rhaegar and Finnick, or even Hans. you’ve all been so supportive and lovely and never ever think that I underappreciate the compliments you’ve given me about my characterizations, but unfortunately, it’s really difficult for me to get out of my own head, and often, I focus so intently on getting things right that it ends up exhausting me and I feel like I need to retreat from that muse for a while. because I don’t like to stop writing altogether, this obviously doesn’t contribute to my serial muse making.

secondly: what little canon he does have (as I’m basing him largely off a personification of death from a show with virtually no fandom) is incredibly vague, so I have a lot of room to develop what I want from him and what feels right.

thirdly: the idea of death is timeless and exists in practically every canon imaginable, so the crossover possibilities are endless. I can place him into any time period, any place, with any face that I wish. that gives me a huge amount of flexibility that I’ve never quite had with any of my muses. because I often make muses in order to play in different fandoms without stretching another muse’s canon too terribly, this is definitely something else that will help me stick with it.

fourthly: (and this may only make sense to me) this is the first muse I have ever made that has made me consider focusing on only one. this is the only muse I’ve made that has made me realize what I need to do in order to continue to enjoy Tumblr without further increasing my stress level.

YOU CAN FIND HIM HERE.

I understand that some of you won’t be interested in playing with me there. I understand that some of you probably lost hope in me a long time ago. that’s completely fine and I understand. but I felt I owed you all an explanation and an apology. I need to stick with one muse for a while. it’s the only thing that I foresee being good for me, in the long run. in order to become a reliable partner, I need to force myself to have focus. I hope that you all can understand that and I am so sorry for keeping you all hanging for so long. I hope that you can forgive me and give me one last chance. I love you all, but I can’t keep going like this anymore. I need to fix this cycle I’ve fallen into.

I’m going to keep all of my accounts. I won’t be deleting any of them. but at this point, I’m not going to say that I will or will not be returning to any of them. I have to leave that question for the future, when I’ve figured myself out enough to make those decisions. for now, I just need to focus on restricting myself. I can only say that I hope I can once again expand my horizons again — or, at the very least, find a single niche from which I can interact with all of you with impunity.

remember that I love and appreciate you all. thank you for your patience and understanding.

INDEFINITE HIATUS

Finnick is perf, okay? okay.

USING THIS AS A PROMO OPPORTUNITY BC YOU SHOULD ALL FOLLOW MADI RIGHT NOW

             DIE SCHATTEN WERDEN LÄNGER                           ( the shadows become longer )              AND DIE LIEDER WERDEN KALT UND SCHRILL                           ( and the songs become cold and shrill )              WARUM HÄLT JEDER STILL ??                           ( why does everyone hold still? )

debrailles:

                   ❝ because you saved me. & isn’t that                                what knights do? they save people? ❞

                            ❝ ---- I... ❞

                            ❝ ---- suppose that's spot on, princess. ❞

viictorygiift:

                               ”And what exactly does the fabulous Finnick Odair                                                                        want with a lowly Victor from Nine?”

                                      ❝ lowly? now, now, miss carrerra, don't                                                      sell yourself short. ❞

yxungest:

Friendless was, perhaps, the best way to describe Teska. Unlovable, vile, a sour and cruel girl. Oh, how it worsened as she aged, through the games. Her intentions were never clear, not to herself, not to the Capitol she held so close to her cold heart. But now, among other victors, her intentions were clearly not to lose her bitter reputation. 

                 She stood, as other Peacekeepers always did, with a gun against                   her chest. Always on offense, never defense. It was a way of life for                  Teska.  "Sorry to disappoint you." She replied. "But some of us  have to actually work, and not just sell our asses, Odair.” 

               finnick expected the poisonous response and he took it  in  stride.                after all,  teska had a bit of a reputation for cruelty and biting res-                ponses   --   and frankly,  he preferred that in some strange way to                the typical falseness of the capitol.   if nothing else, it was refresh-                ing, even if she attempted to cut him straight to his core.  ( it failed                miserably, really; finnick knew who and what he was, and she was                not capable of exacerbating the shame of it further. )

               gun or not, he didn't fear her.   the most she could do was spit her                angry words at him,   after all.   he was the capitol's favorite victor,                and  while  he  was  hardly untouchable to the highest ranking citi-                zens, she could do nothing to harm him. he clicked his tongue, his                expression one of utterly false sympathy.

                                      ❝ what's wrong, teska? couldn't fetch                                           a high enough price yourself? ❞

FOLLOW FOREVER

My six months celebration had been only a few days ago and I do love and appreciate all of you guys. Honestly, let’s be real here; this is a Caesar Flickerman blog, he is a minor minor character of the hunger games. I never thought that there would be even people interested in rping with me! And yet within six months i reached 1k follower. That’s a huge thing for such a small character. I couldn’t be more thankful and glad you all liked this blog so much that you one day decided to follow me. Honestly, I do appreciate each and every one of you and yet there are people who made their way into my heart.

&& ＴＨＥ   ＣＵＰＣＡＫＥＳ 

coalxintoxpearls; Precious person is precious. Honestly, I really do adore and appreciate you and you will always be #1. No matter what will happen, Elcke, I honestly couldn’t be more glad to have meet you and to get along with you so well. I am so glad that I saw your post back then on my private blog and decided to message you. And not just that; you are such a sweet person! One of the nicest people on tumblr I have ever met.

gamemakxr; goddamn tori ( yes I love to say that )you are way too cute to have ever happened. I couldn’t even tell you enough how awesome you are. Honestly, I don’t think explaining this here would suit it enough. I will never forget the moment I started following you and after maybe two weeks or so ( you hit your 1k ) I was in your follow forever and really was so confused as to why, bc we never really had talked at this point so everything was just ???? but then I was like ‘okay marie, this person you barely know put you in your 1k follow forever and you are still like the baby bird that just felt from it’s nest and yet this person is so cute GET TO KNOW HER RN OR YOU ARE A STUPID ASS’ so well here we are and I couldn’t be happier.

unseenmockingjay; okay I actually tend to make my follow forever’s alphabetical BUT NO NOT FOR YOU JESS; screw  these orders for you. I don’t understand how ANYONE could ever dislike you. It’s such a pleasure to talk to you each time. Whatever theme it may be, it’s just fun and great and I am really glad that we share this kind of friendship ( it’s always weird because I consider you a friend although we have never met ??? ) Anyway you are just a wonderful person no matter what others say.

reginamaris; Claire, you are actually from these five people the person I met ( more or less ) recently. Only one month ago or so and yet I really couldn’t leave this section without putting you in. It would have felt wrong not putting you up here and tbh I really don’t know how we got this close in such a short time. I actually am not really a fan of genderbent characters so the very first moment I saw you blog it took me a bit of time to get warm with your character, but I really do love and appreciate not just the muse, but the mun as well. You are always fun to talk to and I always look forward to talk with you on skype ( damn time zones >.< )

securisx; It’s something you experience in school. When there are these people in awful classes that you just know you couldn’t survive without them. You sit in the back ( bc that’s the best place )and then there is this ONE FUCKING PERSON who you always can joke around with. No matter what is currently going on, it’s always you and that person, which is just a very great thing. In this one year where you have chosen your seat very carefully and have gotten the best place next to your friend you know the school year is a little bit better. 

&& ＴＨＥ   ＣＵＴＩＥＰＩＥＳ

chiinny ◇  | ebriusx ◇ | ofmockingashes ◇ | pippinxtook ◇  | unrivaledmind ◇ | valuablesecrets ◇ 

&&  ＴＨＥ  ＬＯＶＥＢＵＧＳ

animakerma | apracticalperfection | asgardianhammer | asskicker-grimes | bosslly | bowofthegaladhrim | distruust | euphemiafleurtrinket | ferociores | getoffmysketchpad | giingerbreadman | heavxnsbee | legolasoflasgalen | listenwellallofyou | meraclus | narglewitch | silkssongsandchivalry | teawithtrinket | tentoriumxlignum | theforeverdrunk | trickstercaptain | tridennt | uprootxd | whiskeymitch | xtimethievery

               honestly, finnick odair was absolutely used to the effect he tended                to have on women,   so the simple fact that she felt she needed to                explain herself came as little surprise.  the audible confession only                brought a crooked smile to his handsome face and coaxed a light                chuckle from him.  the cup she set down looked practically untou-                ched,   he noticed,   and he wondered if she'd only been holding it                for the sake of looking like she belonged --  or whether she simply                couldn't work up the courage.

                                      ❝ finnick odair. and I'm awfully curious                                           as to what brings you out tonight if                                           you, uh, don't do this a lot? ❞

               he cast another glance at the abandoned cup on the floor.

                                      ❝ if you don't like your drink, I'll grab you                                           another. ❞

          “and yet, you were the first i felt the need to.”

                                 but she takes the opportunity to set her cup down on the                              ground beside her feet, figuring it could be of just as much                              use there as it was in her hands.

                   she hadn’t taken a single sip, but there was something            about the way that he was smiling at her that made her feel           a little light headed, and she wasn’t sure if she liked it or not.

                                         ”i’m ASAMI, by the way. and if it                                        wasn’t obvious, i don’t do this a lot.” 

                                this indicated by a wide gesture of her hand to the scene                            around them, and her fingers trembled to the bass line.

psychodelicy:

before 2014 ends inbox me one thing you’ve always wanted to know or say to me and i have to reply to all of them

psychodelicy:

before 2014 ends inbox me one thing you’ve always wanted to know or say to me and i have to reply to all of them

             DIE SCHATTEN WERDEN LÄNGER                           ( the shadows become longer )              AND DIE LIEDER WERDEN KALT UND SCHRILL                           ( and the songs become cold and shrill )              WARUM HÄLT JEDER STILL ??                           ( why does everyone hold still? )

for anyone wondering where I’ve been lately: the holidays were pretty rough for me for a variety of reasons. firstly, as I’m studying abroad, I wasn’t able to be home with my family and that hit me harder than I thought it would. secondly, my internet access has been unexpectedly HORRIBLE for weeks and I’m sorry for that. thirdly, I’ve actually been incredibly ill for about the past week — straight through Christmas, which was obviously a joy. all of these things have taken their toll on my writing confidence, especially regarding my “larger” characters, such as Finnick, who has notably more followers than my other characters. I hope I can be back here soon, but call this a small hiatus, and if you want to find me, PLEASE come visit me on my death blog, as it’s new and I’m thirsting for interactions with all fandoms. thanks for your patience and I’m sorry to anyone I’ve disappointed this month with my absence. I love you all.

unseenmockingjay:

( tridennt )

                             ╾╾╾╾╾╾╾{ Ｋ ♐ Ｅ }╾╾╾╾╾╾╾ 

           christmas? who could think of presents and joy in the middle of war. the only present            katniss would want would be peeta out of the capitol and by her side ; that would never            happen, so what was the point of being jolly. 

           it  seemed  district  13’s  cafeteria had become the main place of decorations, she was            surprised coin allowed them at all. noticing prim beside a medium size tree they must            have brought in today it immediately brought a smile on her lip. they could never afford            a  tree  nor  decorations  at  the  home  on  district  12 but prim always lived the idea of            christmas. now, in the middle of a rebellion, the little duck got her wish. once the blonde            noticed  her  sister  in  the  doorway  she beckoned  her  to come over and help, katniss            began to make her way over to prim when she spotted  finnick  on  one  of the tables, it            caught her a little because she was used to seeing him out  of  the  infirmary.  she  was            hateful  towards  him  for choosing to save her over peeta but she knew prim would be            watching and she would want katniss to invite finnick over.     

                                                       ❛you want to help us?❜

               sometimes,   finnick thought one or two of the nurses allowed him                out of the hospital simply because they felt sorry for him.   not that                he posed any sort of threat or worry;  he knew that well enough by                the way everybody seemed to regard him.   perhaps it would have                offended him,    had he found any time in the first place to take his                mind off of more important and consuming things.

               his  length  of  rope  hung loosely from his fingers as he wandered                the winding corridors of thirteen aimlessly,    perhaps  one  of   the                only inhabitants still without a schedule on his arm.    before  long,                finnick found himself in the cafeteria,  a place still somewhat unfa-                miliar to him,    as he took his meals in the infirmary,   as did all the                other resident patients.   it looked stranger than usual,  strung with                christmas decorations and certainly nothing resembling the norm-                alcy of thirteen’s stark gray decor.  finnick paused in the doorway,                his jaw slightly slack as he focused upon  as  many  details  as  he                could before a familiar voice interrupted his momentary stupor.

               katniss.   of all people,  he would hardly expect her to be partaking                in the christmas spirit,  but a second glance confirmed the presen-                ce of her sister,  which he supposed would explain it.  finnick him-                self never kept christmas particularly,    except once he met annie;                she so enjoyed the lights and the tinsel and the hot chocolate  and                the roaring fires in the fireplaces at victor’s village  …  it all seemed                to soothe her,  and in turn, it soothed him, especially now when he                wanted nothing more than her and anything that could remind him                of his best memories.

               a touch of a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

                            ❝ isn’t christmas a bit cheery for thirteen? ❞

be still my heart omfg

he l p i am so emotionally compromised over legend of korra

okay so I'm working on drafts, catching up on lok, and restraining my grounder muse tbh because the 100 destroyed me so hit me up if you want to

also bf and I finished catching up with the 100 and it is so good I don't have any time or I'd make a grounder OC because I'm like obsessed with the grounders for reasons ug H OK plus I have the perf fc but oh well