blood being frequently described as having a "coppery smell" in fiction is kind of funny considering that there is a metallic component to blood and it's not copper

i had three fic ideas.  wrote one.  i still have three fic ideas.  this is not how math is supposed to work.

Needed to see this

Annie are you ok

look away

all aboard the kitty train

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistant. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowing. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

Shit is going to happen.

Your friend is going to ghost you. You are not going to get the job. Your car is going to break down at the worst time. Your boss is going to have unrealistic demands and deadlines. Your basement is going to flood.

Life hurts.

No matter how recovered you are. No matter how stable you are. No matter how much you excel at using your toolbox of strategies.

Life hurts.

You are not going to go through it being a happy little bean all of the time.

So, don’t put that pressure on yourself.

If you do, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You’ll fear that you’re slipping, experiencing a setback, losing your recovery, when the negative emotions come.

Instead, the more you heal, the better you get at coping with this all too painful thing called life, the less hard those moments will hit. Oh, they will still hit, they will still suck, but they won’t suck for as long or as much. You’ll see the other side of them and know happiness is waiting there for you again.

is it just me or is NASA weirdly aggressive in their article about black holes?

can a black hole destroy the earth?

no, you idiot.

black holes aren’t planet gluttons, you bitch.

and the earth isn’t some weak-ass planet that would just fall in to a black hole like a sucker.

and that dumbass sun that we’ve got isn’t big enough to make a black hole like other stars.

you fool.

It was very effective

What a copy cat

Neil behind the camera all day tomorrow

Tiny unit rescue kitty

Embarrassed but need help

So I’ve gotten into my dream university (yey!) but some of the costs to get there has been more than expected. So I have set up a GoFundMe with the hope of maybe getting some help from some kind souls out there.

So, who am I and why should you care? I’m your average dumpster fire with a special interest in costuming and design. I have somehow gotten into an award winning top university for costume production! This is my chance to really follow my dreams in a way I never imagined I would. Cheesy, I know, but it’s the truth. 

So if you’re able to donate I’m forever grateful and if you don’t, no worries! You’re helping by just reflagging and charing the link.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/56xsdq-help-me-go-to-my-dream-university?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=daily_task&utm_campaign=p_lico+task-share-sheet&utm_content=share_early