BOY IS OFFICIALLY OUT NOW!!!! 🩵🦋

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it's hard to write

when every poem starts to

feel like a suicide letter.

most days i am an

echo chamber of apologies.

i start to wonder if

there is anything else

left in me anymore.

i go to bed empty.

most nights i am

something much worse.

-mars

LukeHemmings: Close My Eyes - Yours this Friday 4/5 at Midnight EST. 😴⏰

LukeHemmings: The boy is going on tour 🤘🏻 Hope to see you all there x

sometimes i ask myself what goes on in your head. what you think of me and what i did to make you think that way, but i realised that there’s nothing i can do to change that. i like to think it’s jealousy, mostly to feel better about myself. in my head, it makes sense. you’re jealous because i’m free, because i don’t care and maybe because of the way i act around others. i’m carefree, i know that. i know that you aren’t. but then again, it could just be the god complex you talk to your friends about, maybe i’m just a selfish bitch who only talks about herself and you’re right when you roll your eyes. not like my boyfriend of course, he rolls them in affection, he thinks it’s funny when i’m annoying him, i think. maybe she rolls her eyes the same way when you’re talking to her? i believe she does so too when she’s talking to me, maybe that’s why you hate me? either way, you don’t like me and i wish you did. not because i do, although maybe i did enjoy the time where you were still pretending i’m not the worst person here, but because of peace. i can’t stand having to explain to people that i don’t know and won’t know and that i simply don’t care enough to know about what happened but yeah.

the only thing i think about is that you and i look up at the same sky.

i don’t want to be at war with you, but everything i learned, i learned at your feet and i have learned nothing but to manipulate and hate. it feels wrong to get you things, to thank you for things, to talk to you about the weather because i know it will end up with us screaming at each other. you don’t listen to me. you never listen to me. even if i said what you wanted me to say, it wouldn’t be enough, simply because the words are words i spoke, and not my other siblings. i always wonder what i did, what i will do to deserve this. was i a bad child? will i be a bad mother and you’re just showing me what’ll inevitably become me one day? i hear my friends and other people talk about you sometimes and i wonder if we have the same you in mind? if there’s some special version of you reserved for everybody but me, or if the you you are with me is the special person, a version of you only i know, a version that isn’t truly you, but just a mirror of me.

i will literally give up immediately don't fucking test me

- on fathers

ocean vuong/ kyoto-phoebe bridgers/ seventeen going under- sam fender/ kyoto- phoebe bridgers/ seven-taylor swift/ father- the front bottoms/ kyoto- phoebe bridgers/ franz wright/ kyoto- phoebe bridgers/ father- the front bottoms

i’m sorry for disappointing you

i’m pathetic and nothing makes any sense

even if i don’t know who you are anymore, i used to know who you were and that’s enough for me

“what’s wrong with you?” do you want the list chronologically or alphabetically?

every time you talk to me i have this indescribable feeling of wanting to hurt both myself and you.