crying reading a jacqueline Wilson book about a girl with a mild eating disorder is a new low

today is the happiest I’ve felt in such a while it just feels GOOD

AND I FIT INTO MY MOM JEANS AGAIN

I ate well, I was productive, I ordered a parking permit and a mic AND I worked out

today I feel like the whole world was mine

I’m so excited to go back to uni I just hope I stop feeling like a spare part when I’m in the house

goddamn I need a cig and a shag (but I won’t have a shag so I’ll just have 2 cigs)

fucked up my calories today nd had no walk so very much a fuck up

I never ever thought i would be able to enjoy it again and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing that I do. I think it’ll be much harder once I actually have to eat breakfast and lunch instead of just the one but I think we’ll cross that bridge once we come to it

I don’t know whether I should be more concerned that I’ve started strictly calorie restricting again and I actually really like it?

and when I say he doesn’t like me I genuinely mean as a friend I’m really not interested

I’m also really angry at Ned because I feel like he doesn’t like me and I’ve picked up on it far too late

I am so fucking fed up of living like this. I can’t shake this anger and this jealousy and this rage that other people don’t have to live their life like this.

At what point did god look down on me and think dang she fucked up good

a bitch started smoking again what a fucking shock

I s2g though if the daydreams I’ve been having about a very happy relationship with that one guy from Cardiff a Capella come true I will never complain about my life again

have definitely hit a no one will ever love me again brick wall at full speed today