titanium-n-testosterone
Tony Stark
‘cuz I’m TnT
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It is eerily terrifying that there is no sound when a heart breaks. Car accidents end with a bang, falling ends with a thud, even writing makes the scratching sound of pencil against paper. But the sound of a heart breaking is completely silent. Almost as though no one, not even the universe itself could create a sound for such devastation. Almost as though silence is the only way the universe could pay its respect to the sound of a heart falling apart.
Nikita Gill
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I didn't like watching him walk off TOWARD Barnes, but I knew he'd be walking right back to me when he was done. I looked down at my hand, noting that the ring was on Steve's hand now, making me smile. Barnes would see it and know before Steve even opened his mouth. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel relief at that.
titanium-n-testosterone:
I had never thought that hearing those words would fill me with so much happiness. Thinking of children before realizing I wanted this with him, had terrified the living daylights out of me, but I wanted it with him more than anything. I knew I’d have to stop taking my testosterone, and I may regress a little, but it would be worth it, for him and for our baby. “I’ll wait here,” I said, looking up at him and giving him a reassuring smile. “I love you.”
“I love you.” I knew him waiting was for the best. For many reasons. I kissed him and went off in search of Bucky. Goodbye was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.
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I had never thought that hearing those words would fill me with so much happiness. Thinking of children before realizing I wanted this with him, had terrified the living daylights out of me, but I wanted it with him more than anything. I knew I'd have to stop taking my testosterone, and I may regress a little, but it would be worth it, for him and for our baby. "I'll wait here," I said, looking up at him and giving him a reassuring smile. "I love you."
titanium-n-testosterone:
I hadn’t realized my heart had probably stopped beating while I waited for him to respond to my offer, but as soon as he turned it down, I felt my heart beating again. “Oh, thank god!” I said, stepping forward and burying my face in his chest. “I didn’t want to share you. I would have, but I didn’t want to!” I held onto him tightly, never ever wanting to let go. I knew hurting Barnes was going to hurt him, but I was so relieved to hear that Steve would do that for me, for us.
Sometimes I think we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. Because I knew he’d never be able to handle it. “I’m not.. just us..” I promised, holding him, my hands smoothing over his back. “I love you, Tony. Only you.” Saying goodbye to Bucky, outside friendship, it was a wound that might never heal completely. But it needed to be done. For my life with Tony. “I need..” I swallowed “to tell him.. and then.. maybe we can go home.. and work on.. our baby?” I smiled as I pulled back, meaning that with all my heart. No regrets would ever come from this choice.
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I hadn't realized my heart had probably stopped beating while I waited for him to respond to my offer, but as soon as he turned it down, I felt my heart beating again. "Oh, thank god!" I said, stepping forward and burying my face in his chest. "I didn't want to share you. I would have, but I didn't want to!" I held onto him tightly, never ever wanting to let go. I knew hurting Barnes was going to hurt him, but I was so relieved to hear that Steve would do that for me, for us.
titanium-n-testosterone:
I inhaled deeply, my eyebrows knitting together. It hurt, knowing how much Steve really did love Barnes, just like I knew he did, but he was choosing me over him. He was, and I was here trying to be the better man and accepting Barnes and treating him just like I would any of Steve’s other friends. “Hey, Steve, baby,” I slowly exhaled, “this is hurting you, don’t worry about it. I’ve got you. I’m here. I don’t want you to hurt him anymore than you want to. Now before you call bullshit on me, I mean that. I mean it, because I know hurting him hurts you, and I don’t want that. I’ve learned my lesson, baby. I have.” I couldn’t see the man I love hurting. “Maybe don’t do it…” I exhaled in a huff. “I can’t believe I’m saying this… You can have him on the side, if you truly want to.” Hell, I knew it wasn’t Cap’s style, I knew he’d prefer monogamy, but I could see how much he loved Barnes, and I was doing my damnedest not to hurt the man I love.
I felt.. I don’t know.. offended in a way that he offered to share me like that.. but also found myself falling more in love with him. He wasn’t the type to even get in a relationship and here we were getting married, having a baby.. one he’d carry.. and he was willing to let me have Bucky on the side. But I couldn’t do it. No matter how much my heart would ache hurting Buck. I didn’t love him the way I loved my husband to be and giving him false hope.. leading him on with a maybe this could work when I know eventually this would eat one of us alive, even Tony, I just couldn’t do it.
“I don’t want anyone on the side..” i stepped closer, grasping his face. “I only want you. Bucky will never change that.”
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“Tony, I - I can’t dance”
“That’s ridiculous. JARVIS, drop my needle.”
The Avengers are going to a charity gala. There will be dancing. Steve is mortified cause he never learned how. Tony volunteers to give him free lessons.
Nat watches with a knowing smirk from afar: idiots.
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I inhaled deeply, my eyebrows knitting together. It hurt, knowing how much Steve really did love Barnes, just like I knew he did, but he was choosing me over him. He was, and I was here trying to be the better man and accepting Barnes and treating him just like I would any of Steve's other friends. "Hey, Steve, baby," I slowly exhaled, "this is hurting you, don't worry about it. I've got you. I'm here. I don't want you to hurt him anymore than you want to. Now before you call bullshit on me, I mean that. I mean it, because I know hurting him hurts you, and I don't want that. I've learned my lesson, baby. I have." I couldn't see the man I love hurting. "Maybe don't do it..." I exhaled in a huff. "I can't believe I'm saying this... You can have him on the side, if you truly want to." Hell, I knew it wasn't Cap's style, I knew he'd prefer monogamy, but I could see how much he loved Barnes, and I was doing my damnedest not to hurt the man I love.
titanium-n-testosterone:
I looked at him oddly, sensing a reserve that hadn’t been there a moment ago. I wondered if I’d done anything. Letting him help me up, I placed my hand gently on his back. “What is it, baby?” I hoped I didn’t fuck up so quickly.
“I have to go inside and break Bucky’s heart and..” I closed my eyes, sighing. “It’s fine. I’m not laying this on your feet..” I turned some to look at him, kissing him softly. “I don’t regret my choice to be your husband.. I just regret Bucky getting hurt because of it.” I grasped his face, kissing him softly. “Never you.”
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I looked at him oddly, sensing a reserve that hadn’t been there a moment ago. I wondered if I’d done anything. Letting him help me up, I placed my hand gently on his back. “What is it, baby?” I hoped I didn’t fuck up so quickly.
titanium-n-testosterone:
I could feel his arousal as he rutted against me, and Jesus Christ, if I could just take him out here. God, fucking Captain Fucking America in public, that was such a fucking turn on for me. I smiled brightly at him, focusing on him and not what I wanted to do to him. I took a deep breath and slowly slid the ring on his finger. “Forever, baby! You and me. It’s always only you.”
“Always only you.” I repeated, feeling guilt and sadness when suddenly the thought of ‘to the end of the line’ came. I never wanted to hurt Bucky and now I was going to be forced to break his heart. Suddenly laying here on the grass where he could easily see us if he came close enough felt wrong. I slid off Tony, standing and reaching for him. “Let me help you up..” I was happy. God, help me, I was. Happiest I’d been since Tony and I broke up.. but I gave Buck hope and now I’d have to snatch it away. It felt wrong. Especially for the man who had wanted him dead.
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I could feel his arousal as he rutted against me, and Jesus Christ, if I could just take him out here. God, fucking Captain Fucking America in public, that was such a fucking turn on for me. I smiled brightly at him, focusing on him and not what I wanted to do to him. I took a deep breath and slowly slid the ring on his finger. "Forever, baby! You and me. It's always only you."
titanium-n-testosterone:
I was so happy that he was happy. I had never wanted kids, even when we got together, I had struggled with it. I knew it had been something he’d always wanted, but in the beginning I had been sure I’d never do it, not even for him. Then I’d fallen so hard in love with him, and I wanted to do it for him, but I had been so worried it would trudge up my dysphoria that has been so well-managed for more than two decades. After he chose Bucky over me and I’d realized what I’d lost, none of that mattered anymore. Only him. Only us. Only the family we should have. Together. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him more to me and deepening he kiss. All that mattered was this man and the future that we should have had and now would be having. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. “I love you,” I moaned into the kiss, saying it again, because I knew I couldn’t say it enough.
“I love you,” I murmured against his lips, tears stinging my eyes. Because I never imagined getting to this moment. I rocked my hips against his, knowing we wouldn’t make love out here. But I could enjoy kissing the man I loved. The man I was marrying. I pulled my face back and held my finger out, feeling like a school boy. “Ring?” I asked, smiling.
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I was so happy that he was happy. I had never wanted kids, even when we got together, I had struggled with it. I knew it had been something he'd always wanted, but in the beginning I had been sure I'd never do it, not even for him. Then I'd fallen so hard in love with him, and I wanted to do it for him, but I had been so worried it would trudge up my dysphoria that has been so well-managed for more than two decades. After he chose Bucky over me and I'd realized what I'd lost, none of that mattered anymore. Only him. Only us. Only the family we should have. Together. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him more to me and deepening he kiss. All that mattered was this man and the future that we should have had and now would be having. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him. "I love you," I moaned into the kiss, saying it again, because I knew I couldn't say it enough.
titanium-n-testosterone:
I was so happy, lost in Steve, I barely registered his question. “Um, seahorse,” I responded, thinking about it as though I was actually having to explain it for the first time. I mean, there were even some transmen who didn’t know the term and I’d explained it to them at Pride and in chat groups and whatnot, but I’d never explained it to anyone I’ve been close to. I hadn’t even given it thought. “With seahorses, the male gives birth. I can get pregnant,” I told him, never having said those words out loud. Before him, I’d never even considered it. “I can temporarily go off my testosterone so we can have children. So you and I can have biological children.” I smiled up at him, cupping his face. “You want that, right? With me?”
I blinked. I had always imagined a surrogate. Maybe Wanda. Maybe Pepper. Someone. Maybe they’d consider helping us. But Tony? My heart swelled with so much love for him it felt like it was about to burst. It’s all I wanted. If I could watch his stomach grow, knowing a child made of a little part of me and a little part of Tony. All biological. “Yes, baby, yes!” I kissed him again, loving this man more than I ever had. All my dreams were coming true. Because of him. Because of us.
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I was so happy, lost in Steve, I barely registered his question. "Um, seahorse," I responded, thinking about it as though I was actually having to explain it for the first time. I mean, there were even some transmen who didn't know the term and I'd explained it to them at Pride and in chat groups and whatnot, but I'd never explained it to anyone I've been close to. I hadn't even given it thought. "With seahorses, the male gives birth. I can get pregnant," I told him, never having said those words out loud. Before him, I'd never even considered it. "I can temporarily go off my testosterone so we can have children. So you and I can have biological children." I smiled up at him, cupping his face. "You want that, right? With me?"
titanium-n-testosterone:
I blinked as he knelt down in front of me, the two of us kneeling on the floor. What did he he mean, he’d seen me with Bruce? How was that even? We had been texting, I knew that much. I thought I’d missed a call from him, but maybe I hadn’t. What had happened and what had he seen and…
And he was saying he did want to marry me. And he’d slept with Barnes and I’d done what I’d done, but… He wanted to marry me! Focus on that. Focus on THAT! I blinked, inhaling deeply, tears stinging my eyes. “It doesn’t matter what we’ve done,” I said, shaking my head, “I never wanted to hurt you and I never will hurt you again! I want you and only you. I want to be your husband and I want to be the seahorse daddy of your children. I just want to make you happy!”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted, Tony. I just.. never thought you’d stop being scared enough to give it to us.” I grasped his face, kissing him with everything in me. Things would have to go back to just friendship with me and Buck. But I knew he’d understand. I know if he let Nat in on him knowing her again.. he’d be as happy as me.. and we could go back to normal. Back to best friends. Tony was my heart and soul and I wanted this more than anything in my life. I twisted until Tony was back against the grass, sitting on top of him and kissing him more deeply. “Wait…’ I stopped, looking down at him. “Did you say seahorse daddy? What does that mean?” I wasn’t hip on a lot of lingo from this day and age. So I had no clue what that meant. I just liked the idea of daddy, honestly.
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I blinked as he knelt down in front of me, the two of us kneeling on the floor. What did he he mean, he'd seen me with Bruce? How was that even? We had been texting, I knew that much. I thought I'd missed a call from him, but maybe I hadn't. What had happened and what had he seen and...
And he was saying he did want to marry me. And he'd slept with Barnes and I'd done what I'd done, but... He wanted to marry me! Focus on that. Focus on THAT! I blinked, inhaling deeply, tears stinging my eyes. "It doesn't matter what we've done," I said, shaking my head, "I never wanted to hurt you and I never will hurt you again! I want you and only you. I want to be your husband and I want to be the seahorse daddy of your children. I just want to make you happy!"
titanium-n-testosterone:
When he closed his hand over mine with the ring, my heart nearly stopped beating in my chest. When he said honest, I felt a twinge of compunction myself. Then with hearing what he needed to be honest about, my blood ran cold in my body. I breathed deeply, not wanting to go back on all I’d said about no wanting to hurt Bucky. I wanted to kill him again, but for a completely different reason this time.
I had thought they were sleeping together this whole time, and now he was admitting that he had, but he had also said that he was going to answer my proposal, so maybe what they had wasn’t that special anyway. Steve did still want to be with me, even if he’d slept with his best friend. Would he always want to fuck him even if he was married to me. I had thought he wanted monogamy, but perhaps his old boy toy showing up changed all that. Did it change anything for me?
“I can’t be angry for that, even though I knew I hadn’t been wrong about the two of you. I wish I had been.” I really wish I had been, but I couldn’t change anything that’s happened. “I love you, Steve, more than my pride, and I would be a fucking hypocrite if I told you that I’d been a celibate monk since you left.” Inhaling deeply, I shifted on my knee in front of me. “I fucked Mabel Wayne… and the Hulk.” I didn’t like admitting that to him, but if he was coming clean with me, I had to do the same with him. I didn’t want this to be the end of us, but I was scared it was.
“I was so sure I’d lost you, I was pretty sure I had. I just wanted to feel like someone wanted me, believing you didn’t want me anymore.” I knew I’d hurt both of them for it, but I didn’t want Steve to hate me for it. “If I could take it back, I would. If you can forgive me, I know I can forgive you and we can just be happy again together for the rest of our lives.”
Hulk? Didn’t he mean Bruce? I blinked, thinking about it. Mabel wasn’t a surprise. I always knew something special laid there with him and her. Bruce wasn’t much of a surprise either since I had seen it with my own two eyes.. but Hulk? Had he misspoken?
“I need to correct something. To be transparent. I didn’t sleep with Bucky until today.. after seeing you with Bruce.” I admitted, my hand slipping free of his. “It hurt.. but it also..” I squirmed, uncomfortable. “It doesn’t matter why.. or how many times… I did it. And I shouldn’t have. Because my heart belongs to one man, and one man alone.. and always has..” I dropped to my knees slowly in front of him. “I want to marry you, Tony. I love you with all my heart and soul and I forgive you..”
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When he closed his hand over mine with the ring, my heart nearly stopped beating in my chest. When he said honest, I felt a twinge of compunction myself. Then with hearing what he needed to be honest about, my blood ran cold in my body. I breathed deeply, not wanting to go back on all I'd said about no wanting to hurt Bucky. I wanted to kill him again, but for a completely different reason this time.
I had thought they were sleeping together this whole time, and now he was admitting that he had, but he had also said that he was going to answer my proposal, so maybe what they had wasn't that special anyway. Steve did still want to be with me, even if he'd slept with his best friend. Would he always want to fuck him even if he was married to me. I had thought he wanted monogamy, but perhaps his old boy toy showing up changed all that. Did it change anything for me?
"I can't be angry for that, even though I knew I hadn't been wrong about the two of you. I wish I had been." I really wish I had been, but I couldn't change anything that's happened. "I love you, Steve, more than my pride, and I would be a fucking hypocrite if I told you that I'd been a celibate monk since you left." Inhaling deeply, I shifted on my knee in front of me. "I fucked Mabel Wayne... and the Hulk." I didn't like admitting that to him, but if he was coming clean with me, I had to do the same with him. I didn't want this to be the end of us, but I was scared it was.
“I was so sure I’d lost you, I was pretty sure I had. I just wanted to feel like someone wanted me, believing you didn’t want me anymore.” I knew I’d hurt both of them for it, but I didn’t want Steve to hate me for it. “If I could take it back, I would. If you can forgive me, I know I can forgive you and we can just be happy again together for the rest of our lives.”
titanium-n-testosterone:
My heart ached for the pain I’d put him through. I never wanted to hurt him. I’d been so blinded by my own pain not to see that he had only been trying to protect me, save me from the pain of confronting my parents killer… even if the one who had killed them hadn’t be accountable or responsible for their murder.
With his momentary pause, looking down at our hands, I had hope… hope that I hadn’t lost him. “I know that you’re scared. I know that I hurt you, I know that I let my pain cloud everything and I never want to become that person again, especially in front of you.”
I inhaled deeply. Beyond that, I know what I’ve lost here. Big yellow taxi and all that. I don’t want to live without you, Steve, and I know that Bucky is a huge part of your life and that means he’ll be a big part of my life.“ I had to let it all out. I had to help him see why I would never hurt him like this again.
“Know I’ll never do this again because I would never hurt our children’s godfather.” My eyes met his, and I wanted him to know that I meant this. Children scared me. Marriage scared me. But living without him was a fate worse than death and I didn’t want to go through that ever again. “Marry me, Steve. Marry me and I will have your children. Let’s have all we should have together.”
I shook my head. “I don’t have a ring, I don’t have a speech prepared, but I—” Then I realized I did have a ring. “No, wait! I do! I have a ring!” It was my suit and my hands were considerably smaller than his, but he could wear it on his pinky until I got him a proper ring.
Taking the ring from my hand, I knelt in front of him, looking up at him with all the love and trust and even fear I had in my heart. “Marry me, Steve. Make our dreams come true and spend the rest of my life with me. I’ll protect you and love you and never hurt you. You’re more important than my life and I will never hurt you ever again. Please say you’ll marry me.”
I stared down at him, holding the ring up.. the ring he treasured to give to me. My heart pinched in my chest at the same moment it was soaring. He sat on his knees, for me. He didn’t go there easily. But he was there.. for me. I gulped in a breath, a single tear rolling down my cheek.
I wanted to marry this man. I had wanted it from practically our first date. I had wanted it so bad sometimes I willed it into existence. When it didn’t happen.. I just thought it wasn’t meant to be and was thankful for what I had. But NOW he wanted to give that to me.. and kids? My God it was a dream come true.
I could marry this man. Be happy. Have children. Something I never imagined being possible with him. Be a husband. A Father. A superhero. Partners. But how long until he decided some other type of revenge was worth more than our life together? How could I live through that?
But how could I ever live without him?
And what about Bucky?
Something was there.. it always had been. Right on the surface. Would I be able to just put that away again and JUST be friends?
“Before I answer that..” I took in a sharp breath, my hand covering his with the ring. “I need to be honest. I slept with Bucky.. and it wasn’t just a one night stand.” I felt awful doing this NOW. But I had to be honest. I couldn’t start a possible forever without everything out there. He had to know.. even if I was hurt.. and angry.. and possibly ready to forgive.. there was still this huge cloud above us. A cloud I made with poor choices. Choices that affected us both.
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My heart ached for the pain I'd put him through. I never wanted to hurt him. I'd been so blinded by my own pain not to see that he had only been trying to protect me, save me from the pain of confronting my parents killer... even if the one who had killed them hadn't be accountable or responsible for their murder.
With his momentary pause, looking down at our hands, I had hope... hope that I hadn't lost him. "I know that you're scared. I know that I hurt you, I know that I let my pain cloud everything and I never want to become that person again, especially in front of you."
I inhaled deeply. Beyond that, I know what I've lost here. Big yellow taxi and all that. I don't want to live without you, Steve, and I know that Bucky is a huge part of your life and that means he'll be a big part of my life." I had to let it all out. I had to help him see why I would never hurt him like this again.
"Know I'll never do this again because I would never hurt our children's godfather." My eyes met his, and I wanted him to know that I meant this. Children scared me. Marriage scared me. But living without him was a fate worse than death and I didn't want to go through that ever again. "Marry me, Steve. Marry me and I will have your children. Let's have all we should have together."
I shook my head. "I don't have a ring, I don't have a speech prepared, but I—" Then I realized I did have a ring. "No, wait! I do! I have a ring!" It was my suit and my hands were considerably smaller than his, but he could wear it on his pinky until I got him a proper ring.
Taking the ring from my hand, I knelt in front of him, looking up at him with all the love and trust and even fear I had in my heart. "Marry me, Steve. Make our dreams come true and spend the rest of my life with me. I'll protect you and love you and never hurt you. You're more important than my life and I will never hurt you ever again. Please say you'll marry me."
titanium-n-testosterone:
“Steve!” I choked out, scrambling to my feet and running after him. Grabbing his wrist, I turned him back to face me. “I’m nothing without you. Please! I’ll do anything to prove it to you! Let me regain your trust! Let me re-earn it! I’m willing to forgive Bucky,” I used the name he called him and not Barnes like usual, “even be his friend if he’ll forgive me for what I did. I know how wrong I was. It was a heat of the moment reaction to what I saw, to feeling like I couldn’t trust you anymore, but I was so wrong about everything, baby. I am so wrong about a lot of things! The only thing I know for sure is I love you and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make things right between us. I love you more than my life and I’ll so anything! Anything at all!”
I felt an explosion in my heart when he grabbed me and everything in my body ached. Like I wasn’t Captain America anymore.. but Steven Rogers. Just a man in love with another man and hurting like I’d been in a car crash. This even felt worse than what I imagine a car crash would feel like.
My resolve was crumbling, my heart in shreds. Going back to Tony meant ending whatever had been brewing with Bucky again. Was it worth it? Was it smart? Tony had broken my trust and my heart once.. what if he did it again? What if his issues with trust got in our way AGAIN?
“I want to forgive you, Tony. I do.” I admitted, my resolve melting some. “But there’s no telling if you’ll do this again.” It hit me when I thought back on it.. he had finally said it. He loved me. He didn’t want to admit it before. Always using Me Too.. or not saying anything at all. Maybe losing me had changed him..? Maybe he was better.
“But even if I forgive you..” I curled my hand into his, my eyes dropping to stare at our entwined hands. “How can I ever trust you?”
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"Steve!" I choked out, scrambling to my feet and running after him. Grabbing his wrist, I turned him back to face me. "I'm nothing without you. Please! I'll do anything to prove it to you! Let me regain your trust! Let me re-earn it! I'm willing to forgive Bucky," I used the name he called him and not Barnes like usual, "even be his friend if he'll forgive me for what I did. I know how wrong I was. It was a heat of the moment reaction to what I saw, to feeling like I couldn't trust you anymore, but I was so wrong about everything, baby. I am so wrong about a lot of things! The only thing I know for sure is I love you and there isn't anything I wouldn't do to make things right between us. I love you more than my life and I'll so anything! Anything at all!"
titanium-n-testosterone:
“Steve…!” My voice cracked with just his name on my lips. “These last few months have been terrible on me. I fell of the wagon, but I think you were privy to that by my drunken texts. I was doing so good with you. Didn’t even touch a drop. Then you leave and my whole world goes to shit.”
I balled up my fists and rubbed at the tears stinging my eyes with the backs of my thumbs. Thrusting my hands down by my sides, I shook my head. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, two friends who have done all they can to help me see how badly I’ve fucked up with you! I’m here,” I knelt down in front of him, “on my knees, begging you forgiveness. I’m willing to give it to your dearest friend, because I know I need to give, especially if I want to receive.”
I stared down at him at my feet. My strong, stubborn.. prideful Tony Stark was practically bowing at my feet. I didn’t know what to do. It felt authentic but I was terrified. What if I was wrong? What if I was letting my emotions and love get the best of me and not thinking clearly?
My fingers slipped out without reason and touched against his chest, swiping at a single tear that slid down his face. “I.. can’t… trust you anymore..” My hand pulled away and I stepped back to walk away. The trust had been shattered, and time and tears couldn’t fix that. Even if now he might mean what he was saying.. how could I ever believe it?
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"Steve...!" My voice cracked with just his name on my lips. "These last few months have been terrible on me. I fell of the wagon, but I think you were privy to that by my drunken texts. I was doing so good with you. Didn't even touch a drop. Then you leave and my whole world goes to shit."
I balled up my fists and rubbed at the tears stinging my eyes with the backs of my thumbs. Thrusting my hands down by my sides, I shook my head. "I've had a lot of time to think, two friends who have done all they can to help me see how badly I've fucked up with you! I'm here," I knelt down in front of him, "on my knees, begging you forgiveness. I'm willing to give it to your dearest friend, because I know I need to give, especially if I want to receive."
titanium-n-testosterone:
When I saw them approaching me, all I could do was focus on the love of my life. God, he was perfection and I was going to do anything I could to win him back. I didn’t fucking care if he wanted to be with Rogers, I’d give him reason to come back to me. Somehow.
I shook my head at the king’s words, but I didn’t take my eyes from Steve. Even when the look in his eyes changed and I knew he was on the defensive, I didn’t pull my eyes from him. I couldn’t quite read what the look was before that had been replaced by this one, but I hoped it had been a good sign.
“No, your highness. I haven’t come for Barnes. Well, I have, but it’s not what you think.” I pulled out the sprig from my pocket I’d picked up on the way. “Olive branch?” I said with a gentle lift of my shoulders. “I realize that things aren’t black and white and you’re right, he wasn’t himself.”
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. It was so good to see him, so good to be close to him again, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to be back in his arms. I needed to know that everything was going to be okay. I needed to know that we were going to be okay. “Please, Steve. I miss you…” I couldn’t stop that last bit from coming out of my mouth, even with King T'Challa standing there with us.
The king turned to look at Steve, eyeing the two of us, before focusing back on Steve. “Are you alright with this, Captain Rogers?” I hated that I’d just let my mouth run away from me, but I did miss him and I wanted nothing more than for a chance to win him back.
What was he doing? Did he really think I’d let him in here? After he tried killing Buck? He had to be crazy. I’d never let him near Bucky. I loved Tony with my entire heart and soul and seeing him hurt like a dagger to my heart. But I would never let him hurt Bucky. Bucky and I had been friends longer than we had been lovers and that meant something to me. I meant it when I told him to the end of the line. Tony wouldn’t change that. Tony’s revenge wouldn’t happen if I had any say. I’d die stopping it.
“He isn’t coming inside.” I told T’Challa, “but I will speak to him out here. Thank you, King.” He looked between us with a nod and walked away, offering us privacy.
“I don’t believe you want a truce. I don’t trust you a single bit.” He knew what Bucky had meant to me and still tried to kill him. It would’ve been like me going after Bruce, he would’ve never allowed it. He would’ve died stepping in the middle of us. He knew it. Yet he thought I’d trust his word on something as important as Bucky’s life?
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When I saw them approaching me, all I could do was focus on the love of my life. God, he was perfection and I was going to do anything I could to win him back. I didn't fucking care if he wanted to be with Rogers, I'd give him reason to come back to me. Somehow.
I shook my head at the king's words, but I didn't take my eyes from Steve. Even when the look in his eyes changed and I knew he was on the defensive, I didn't pull my eyes from him. I couldn't quite read what the look was before that had been replaced by this one, but I hoped it had been a good sign.
"No, your highness. I haven't come for Barnes. Well, I have, but it's not what you think." I pulled out the sprig from my pocket I'd picked up on the way. "Olive branch?" I said with a gentle lift of my shoulders. "I realize that things aren't black and white and you're right, he wasn't himself."
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. It was so good to see him, so good to be close to him again, but it wasn't enough. I needed to be back in his arms. I needed to know that everything was going to be okay. I needed to know that we were going to be okay. "Please, Steve. I miss you..." I couldn't stop that last bit from coming out of my mouth, even with King T'Challa standing there with us.
The king turned to look at Steve, eyeing the two of us, before focusing back on Steve. "Are you alright with this, Captain Rogers?" I hated that I'd just let my mouth run away from me, but I did miss him and I wanted nothing more than for a chance to win him back.
Mabel may have been angry with me, but she'd been a better friend than I deserved. The very night before she'd kicked me out of her bed and her home, and tonight she was helping me fix things with the man I loved. I didn't deserve the two friends I had. I think I'd hurt both of them, but I still didn't even understand how.
I suited up and jetted off toward the darkening sky. It would be morning by the time I touched down in Wakanda. I'd never been there, but it was on the map. I still didn't understand how a king like T'Challa lived in a small hamlet like it was. There had to be something beyond what the eye could see, but none of that mattered right now. I didn't care if they had a Stark Industries branch there. The only thing that mattered was finding Steve.
I touched down just as the sun was cresting the horizon. I asked where I could find the palace or castle or wherever it was that the king lived. They pointed me off in a direction, but I still had no clue where I was going.
(Inside the barrier hiding the real part of Wakanda from the rest of the world, T'Challa was alerted to an outsider in the outskirt hamlet asking for him. When he realized it was Tony Stark, he went to Captain Rogers to tell him so they could both go greet him in the hamlet.)
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Mabel may have been angry with me, but she'd been a better friend than I deserved. The very night before she'd kicked me out of her bed and her home, and tonight she was helping me fix things with the man I loved. I didn't deserve the two friends I had. I think I'd hurt both of them, but I still didn't even understand how.
I suited up and jetted off toward the darkening sky. It would be morning by the time I touched down in Wakanda. I'd never been there, but it was on the map. I still didn't understand how a king like T'Challa lived in a small hamlet like it was. There had to be something beyond what the eye could see, but none of that mattered right now. I didn't care if they had a Stark Industries branch there. The only thing that mattered was finding Steve.
I touched down just as the sun was cresting the horizon. I asked where I could find the palace or castle or wherever it was that the king lived. They pointed me off in a direction, but I still had no clue where I was going.
(Inside the barrier hiding the real part of Wakanda from the rest of the world, T'Challa was alerted to an outsider in the outskirt hamlet asking for him. When he realized it was Tony Stark, he went to Captain Rogers to tell him so they could both go greet him in the hamlet.)
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