I think after watching this week’s episode of Wandavision for the fourth time, I finally understand all the emotions going on in scenes that happen after Wanda opens the last door.
First, she is just physically upset, she drove to SWORD after opening up the deed that her dead soulmate gave to her from beyond the grave. So she marches in. Then when she’s talking to the guy at the desk she sinks into the fact that when she woke up, she was no longer holding him. So Wanda wants his body even though I don’t think she has processed that she is going to see a body.
Because when she walks down the hallway still with the bravado she walked in with and she asks Hayward for the body and he shows Vision dismembered, she can’t process what she’s looking at. She hasn’t processed it being Vision’s body, and especially not that they are dismembering the valuable body she saw Ultron get the parts for and build.
So she turns to ask Hayward what he is doing, how he can just pull apart something that was once someone that gave her strength and love. Then when he answers her by calling Vision, “the most sophisticated, sentcient weapon”, basically a gun with a brain that they want to pull apart for its shiny, valuable pieces, he bursts another bubble for her. She is knocked down lower than ever, “you can’t do this.” Pleading by giving Hayward a desperate reason for him to give her Vision, “I just want to bury him.” Hayward, I think can tell he is breaking her down and picks his next few phrases very specifically. He isn’t blunt and rude at first he is questioning her, riling her up to make her feel worse.
He questions a woman, who is notably distraught, about her intentions and “accidentally slips up” in such a fake way, to show Wanda that no one cares about Vision as he is just a machine, and that nobody cares about her feelings for the “three billion dollars in vibranium.” He gives her fake diplomacy but as she expresses her loss and her need to have whatever is left of him, Hayward tells her straight up, “He isn’t yours.” All of this snowballed her into breaking the glass, she wanted to be the villain for a sec she wanted to be the woman who didn’t have to lose again and so she feels vindicated coming down into the lab, to step near his body.
As she steps towards him, she sees the man who saved her in Sokovia, who watched sitcoms in comfort with her, the man who printed out the recipe, who she snuck around the world with, the man she had in her bed. She saw him just in pieces and could probably still remember the burst of energy the mindstone gave off when she destroyed it and was just he was dead. So when she puts her hand over his head says “I can’t feel you,” for the first time” all she was, was unbelievably sad and heartbroken. Another loved one, maybe the most important one yet, is lost to her.
But the second time she says it, it isn’t for dramatic effect, you can hear it in her voice and see it on her face. It’s a whisper of depression and a tiny bit of peace. He isn’t just dead. This man, not a machine, is gone. He is not suffering as they pull him apart, he doesn’t feel weighed down by the stone. He was the man she loved and had to kill and then watch be murdered a second time and he was simply gone. So that’s why she could simply walk out of SWORD. She would have just kept crying right there but no she pulled herself away because it was never the “three billion dollars vibranium” for her, it was everything else.
So she walked out and to her car. Wanda walked away from what was gone and drove to what she actually had left of him. See, Vision never gave her a ring or some little trinket, he wanted to give her his word, but they never had the chance. As she said in Infinity War, “We wanted more time.” But what that means is without him, she really has no item she can burn, keep in her pocket, or hold close to her chest.
We find out though that he gave her a plot of land, in a place that needed some TLC just like her when they met. So she goes to that. That is where she goes and she looks at the deed with his last note to her on it, “To grow old in.” He was never going to grow old, and maybe if she is like Agnes she can’t either, but I don’t think he meant old as a couple. I think he meant for her to grow old in. Either with him there to take care of her as she grows grey and frail or maybe he means for her to grow old in without him just so he knows she has a place after his sacrifice.
She walks through the entrance that she wishes he could have carried her through when they got married or the one he could come home to greet her like her parents once did. That’s where she breaks down. Wanda wanted a future with him and that future, her love for sitcoms, her desire for a picturesque life, and Vision all just come pouring out of her. Literally.
She cannot take the pain so she lets everything pour out because her love preserved even after his death but she never even got the chance to tell him those three simple words when he was alive.