I grew up extremely lonely. I'm only starting to realize it recently. When I look at the fear that eats away at me the most it's that I'll go mad from being alone. And then I think of all those summers spent by myself, clinging to whatever human contact I could muster. I've never been awkward, I just don't know what is expected of me from other people because I was never around them long enough to learn.

I'm so sick of all of you.

You short-tempered, 2-dimensional, shallow, pretensious, cruel Jerusalem.

You talk about justice when you have the same understanding of it as the ones you claim to be better than, just on the other side of a coin. It's AMAZING to me how many of your arguments have the same shadows as theirs eventhough they're draped in all the right words.

The words mean nothing if you don't know what they mean and how to use the concepts they represent. You parrot, you inadvertent hypocrite.

So, which one is it? Trust my gut or don't worry so much? Because I get tired of working on myself after someone lets me down just to learn to trust again and for it to happen all over.

No one speaks louder than men in customer service interactions with other men.

So many of us know that we're not prepared to be parents but most of us aren't even prepared to be good friends.

I hate that this economy and this society forces otherwise caring, kind people to react to anyone else's hardship with "oh jeez I'm sorry . . . I don't know what else to say except . . . fuck you got mine? /f"

One good thing about masks is they help muffle your sobs while you're crying in the bathroom.

Am I the only person who finds the backrooms pools very relaxing?

I'm tired of everything being a conflict. I feel like I can't even interact with people anymore without having to navigate some sort of perceived slight. All the while I've met people who I enjoy the company of and who understand me enough to not misinterpret every step I make as an insult. I think I would like to spend the majority of my time with them instead. At first my instincts said to feel selfish for leaving my friends to stew in their own funk; but now I am angry and that anger is prying at the edges of the guilt that covers my desire for a better life like a tarp that is simply painted in the shade of responsibility. What is it that so many coffee mugs and inspirational posts say:

"If you are too much for them, let them choke."

I won't even let myself cry because I'm afraid it'll give me a headache. How fucked is that?

This isn't a response so much as it is something I've been thinking about a lot lately due to recent events and it finally inspired a proper articulation.

Be specific with your criticisms.

"They photoshop their pictures, they're so fake" - photoshop isn't the issue, and it makes a lot of assumptions about the person's intent; "They're using their looks as examples of the effects of their beauty products when all of their stuff is actually photoshopped" - attacks a specific problematic act.

"They're pedobating" - vague, and I see this leveled at a lot of models who just look young; vs. "They promote their posts with phrases like 'do you like them young?'" - very obviously fetishizing youth.

"They're an abuser," - hoooooooo boy. 🤦‍♀️ Okay, for starters what did they do to make you say that (and on that note it isn't problematic for people to ask questions if you're not specific [this also isn't asking for proof. Grow up and learn the difference].)? What if the followup is "their partner wanted to hang out and they left for the plans they already had with their friends,"? That sounds ridiculous to some but speaking anecdotally this has happened to me - you have to know what their definition of abuser is; vs. starting with "They threatened to leave their partner if they go out to see their friends," - yup, that's abuse.

Verifying a story without both sides is not apologia.

I'm exhausted and I'm angry and I feel like I won't get anything done today if I don't get some of this shit off my chest.

Do you ever have those days where everyone decides to air their grievances about you all on the same day for some reason?

I received a really nasty message from an acquaintance about my recent breakup and I just want to vent a little bit.

"It's cute how you shacked up with someone right after ******* left." Yeah. With someone I was already sleeping with even BEFORE we broke up. Because we were poly, you absolute shoe. See, this is what I can't stand - the entitlement to my time and my life. She was obsessed with the idea that she was the most important person in my life and that anyone else coming into it was an attack on that sanctity. I don't know if she convinced everyone else that was true but I don't think so - I keep getting so many backwards-ass accusations so I think they're just as warped as she is.

Let me spell it out: she broke up with me. Therefore she has no say over what I do anymore. I was never and will never be obligated to wallow in despair because someone else wants me to or thinks it will be painful but it will inevitably "help me grow". You're disappointed in the way I'm handling it? Neato, don't care, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones but to do that you have to BE GONE. Fuck these people who will tear you to the bone, leave you, and then act disappointed when you continue living your life in a way that doesn't align with their standards. Like, your opinion doesn't matter to me anymore dude; you left me in the dust and I can accept that. Can you? And while we're on the specific subject, I didn't handle our breakup well mentally but I did handle DAMNED responsibly. I told my friends what had happened immediately without giving details and was accused of airing dirty laundry; I kept busy and kept my friends around and I was accused of not working on myself or being unfaithful (again, to someone I was no longer in a relationship with); I started talking to my friends about some of the genuine criticisms I received, made plans to start making amends, started seeing them more, and realized that I was spending the majority of my time taking care of her. THAT is why I never had time. THAT is why I stopped pursuing my desires. THAT is why my goals went on the backburner while she got her life together. And the instant I try to put my life first the ax comes down. Textbook entitlement.

He also said I reached out to his partner right after *********** left me and that's where I know I'm in the clear because he's talking out of his ass. Even if I had, heaven for-fucking-bid I reached out to our MUTUAL friends during a breakup. Sincerely, fuck them.

The irony of venting about the rampabt overstatement of harm on Tumblr isn't lost on me. This shitstorm is passing much faster than the last. Fuck what they say, I have grown a lot. Just not into what they wanted me to be and for expecting anything different from me they can sail their happy little asses right across the horizon and out of my line of sight for the rest of my life and theirs.

I hope I can stick to my guns this time when I say that I'm not recognizing needlessly vindictive folks and people who pick sides before thinking as friends anymore.

Consequences aren't the same as being vindictive and people on both ends of that spear need to accept that.

Telling your friends that something they did was wrong sucks. Sometimes you'll want to hold your tongue because you don't want make anyone feel guilty or shameful. But the unfortunate truth is that guilt and shame are natural responses to being called out. And unfortunately . . . shame and guilt hurt like a bitch. So much so that our nervous system treats it like an attack which causes backlash. It isn't just assholes that lash out when they're embarrassed; it's a completely natural response to sudden mental and emotional pain and it happens to everyone unless they've trained themselves not to.

Receiving backlash doesn't mean you handled the situation poorly. If you call someone out, even if you know they didn't mean it, they're going to feel bad about it - there's just no way around that. There's no way of making someone NOT feel ashamed of criticism so the best thing to do is prepare for the fallout. Be prepared for the fact that you're going to hurt your friend's feelings and assure yourself that you're not doing it to hurt them but to help them. Then be prepared to assure your friend that you love them, that you didn't mean to make them feel bad, and that the shame will pass.

Why am I not enough?

Why is everything a give and take? Why am I not enough by virtue of being myself.