"Life tips/words of wisdom for new college grads? *freaks out about the world and the future*"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

A few things I’ve learned in my 15,000 years on earth. 

(1) Middle school does not prepare you for high school (2) High school does not prepare you for college (3) College does not prepare you for real life (4) Nothing prepares you for anything, ever.

Knowing those things might help a little bit, or maybe they’ll add to your freak out WHO KNOWS. Also, I can nearly guarantee that your internal freak outs will continue to happen regardless of how helpful we are… so… 

I think you should do what you want to do. Not what you think you’ll want to do in 5 years or 10 years or 25 years. What you want right now. Legitimately, actually, really, truly follow your heart. YOLO, you know? You LITERALLY OLO. I know it sounds cliche and stupid to scream ‘follow your heart’ over and over. But you won’t regret going after the things and people you love. Even if you fail, you didn’t fail. You tried, you fought for what you believed in, you did what was best for you. Now is a great time to travel, try out jobs you don’t know that you’re qualified for, flirt with baristas, eat doritos, and, in general, live life in a way that makes you genuinely happy. Fun tip: being happy now will help you understand what you need to be happy later. 

Also, save money. Because something WILL happen that will blow up your shit and you will need at least a tiny savings to fall back on. 

Kristin Says:

“You LITERALLY OLO.” - Dannielle Owens-Reid

Goddamn, you guys… when I read this question I got all goose-bumpy thinking about all of your heads out there in the world who are just about to leave the land of college forever and ever. IT’S SUCH A BIG DEAL AND MOMENT AND ALL THE OTHER TYPES OF THINGS. I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU. HOLY CRAP.

My words o’ wisdom are in three parts (some of which echo Dannielle):

1. Jesus H Christ, Please Save Money. I don’t have many regrets about my life, and in all honesty who can really say what ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ been… but I do know that I was very, very careless with my dollars. I waited tables for a long time out of college, and then got an incredibly well paying job at a hedge fund (LOLOL) and in both scenarios I barely saved a dime. I was like “WHEEEE GROWN UP LIFE IS SO GREAT LET’S BUY NICE WINE AND GO ON VACATIONS.” Sure, I had a ton of fun, and I am not telling you to not spend some money on wine and travel if you can… but make a promise to yourself to budget in a savings if it’s possible. Now, those of you who are in the position I was in when I wasn’t waiting tables / at a hedge fund are like HAHA funny joke I won’t even be able to pay for soup let alone save money. That brings me to my next point:

2. Have Patience. There were many years in my post-college life where I would look around me at people who were able to take their creative passions and make money doing what they loved. I knew I was smart and I knew I had good ideas, and I would get SO ANGRY because I wanted to focus on all of those energies and was stuck working jobs that weren’t fulfilling. I wanted to get to a place where I was established IMMEDIATELY, without putting in some of the work that was needed for me to get there. This is why I caution you to have patience. You have no idea how the jobs you have right out of college are going to impact your overall future. Many of the people I worked with through the years helped advise and support the very initial days of Everyone Is Gay. My hedge fund job allowed me to have the funds to get my MA in Gender Studies, which fueled the beginning of this whole organization. My frustration WITH MY JOB is what inspired me to go back to school in the first place. Patience. Patience. Patience.

3. Work Hard. I am going to let you in on a little secret from the other side of post-college life. Many (many) of your peers are not going to put in 100%, and when employers or colleagues or whomever come across a human (hopefully you) who are willing to put in 110%, you become irreplaceable, valuable, and necessary. It seems too easy, but I can promise you that, as someone who has worked alongside a bunch of humans over the past few decades, I consistently find that people are dumbfounded by my work ethic (which is simply, 'do the work’) and then, because of that, continue to give me better and bigger opportunities. Reach out to organizations and volunteer your time where you can; get as much on the ground experience in the things that you love; work as hard as you can and be consistent. You’ll be amazed at where it gets you over time.

3 ½. Maintain Balance. I can’t leave you with the note to work hard without underlining the importance of always, always finding time for yourself, for your brain, and for your balance. Find the things and the places that let you re-center, whether that be a spiritual practice, running outdoors, or reading the newspaper for 15 minutes each morning, keep them as a constant in your life.

Holy crap, HAPPY (ALMOST) GRADUATION YOU GUYS!!! <3<3 *screams* <3<3

- Question submitted by Anonymous — Dannielle Says:

You and EVERYONE ELSE, you know!?!? It doesn’t matter who you have or have not held hands with, kissed, slept with, been heartbroken by, etc, college is a whole different ball game. You feel so prepared until you stand in front of someone...

Thanksgiving Cast!

My girlfriend hardly ever wants to have sex, and I want to have sex a lot. It’s affecting us badly. What do I do?

Feminism isn’t about proving women are better than men, it is about saying no one human is better than another. It’s about fighting for equality ALL AROUND, immigration, people of color, disability, men, women, students, senior citizens, hUMANS Y’ALL. We all deserve equal rights, we all deserve to be treated with respect, we all deserve to make decisions about our own bodies, our futures, our education, our religion. You are a feminist because you believe in equality, not because you have hair on your hoo-ha.

Dannielle Owens-Reid

Tegan: “I’d like to thank my mom and dad for making me and my sister and for obviously taking better care of me so I grew into a marginally hotter person.”

Tegan (via rainbowpigeon97)

It’s tricky and confusing and overwhelming at times, but also know that that is part of the experience when it comes to understanding sexuality. It’s a slippery little sucker for some of us, but so long as you follow your gut, take things a day at a time, and don’t feel pressured to pick one word that sums you up, you are going to be a-okay.

Kristin Russo

“Why do I feel like no one cares?”

Dannielle Says:

Probably because you don’t care?

There was a point in my life where I just didn’t give any shits about anything and it made everything around me seem stupid. I was uninspired, unmotivated, sleepy almost ALL THE TIME, and convinced that no one cared enough. I took a step back, looked at my dumb old life and made a drastic change. I moved to a completely different city, started to ACTUALLY work on shit I cared about, made plans AND KEPT THEM, and began working toward something bigger than myself.

Life is funny. We’re all convinced that everything is out of our hands. We think we have no control. We just LET things happen as if we have no choice. BUT YOU GUYS, we do have a choice, and we can take control.

Take a moment. Think about what you really want and go for it. Once you’re focus is on something you’re passionate about everything else will begin to make sense. Show the people you love how much you love them. Spend time getting to know YOU. Write your feelings down. Figure out what’s making you feel lost and fix that shit. You do have control and people do care. Once you’re in a better frame of mind, that will all become a lot more clear.

Kristin Says:

It could also be because you are looking for “care” in only one form.

I am a person who cares about things and feelings and people and moments and all the things all the time, and I love that about myself. I also know that sometimes I fall victim to expecting people to express their care for me or about me or for life in the same ways that I express my own care.

Let me clarify a little more. When I care about a person I tell them 40 – 178 times each day. When my sister cares about someone she gives them the middle finger. When my mom cares about someone she sends them an e-card with dramatic music. When my best friend cares about someone she says a few succinct phrases that convey her love. People care all the time and in hundreds of thousands of different ways – and so, when you look for the compassion of others, you have to look in the nuances of their behavior.

Not everyone is going to care all of the time, but everyone cares some of the time – and a lot of us care most of the time. It is easy to be discouraged by a world that communicates values based on monetary possessions and superficial looks. It is easy to get overwhelmed. I can tell you, though, as a person who goes about every day of my life being kind and expressing my care for other human beings – those actions open up the care and compassion in others that hinges just on people being their best selves.

You may have just gotten a little lost, and that is completely understandable. Try to listen to us, though, because we can promise you that people do care. Most of them just need the chance to show you.

You are already paying attention to what is happening in your brain and heart, and that is the best thing you could ever do. Not unlocking it all is okay. Be patient, and enjoy the ride.

kristin russo x

You are a real person. Your feelings are real and valid and fucking amazing.

kristin russo x

People like people like people like PEOPLE.

kristin russo x (via thesparkbeforethedark)

“I do this thing where I date people and make them really happy but then one day I get bored and walk away. Its not out of malice but I keep on leaving people heartbroken after being treated so well for no better reason than I got bored. I feel like such a shitty person because of this but I don’t know what to do to change it. HELP?!” - Question submitted by fluffynoodle

Dannielle Says: 

It’s so weird because my instinct is to let you know you’re not a jerk and you can’t help how you feel. I mean, what are you supposed to do?? You can’t fake feelings and you can’t continue a relationship wherein you’re not happy!

I think, if I were you, I’d be as honest as possible. We all know there’s a point in a new relationship where you talk about past relationships. WHEN THAT MOMENT COMES, BE HONEST. Instead of saying ‘yea it just didn’t work out,’ tell the truth. Your feelings faded and you have no idea why, things weren’t fun and exciting anymore, you didn’t see yourself with the person and it seemed unfair to continue dating.

In some cases, people will be like, “wait, you got bored and gave up” and then they’ll make judgements about you based on your past. Anytime someone makes a judgement about you based on something in the past, things don’t turn out well. In other cases, people will be like, “that’s happened to me before, here’s to hoping we’re not one of THOSE couples” and then you’ll giggle and make out and maybe that relationship will last a lot longer than you thought.

If you’re totally over a relationship and you’re being kind and thoughtful, you’re doing all the right things. If you’re at the beginning of a relationship and you’re being totally honest, you’re also doing all the right things.

Kristin Says:

I think there might be a little more going on here than just “all of a sudden getting bored.” I mean – if you had this happen once, then I would have different advice… but you are explaining this as a pattern that continues to happen, so I think that this warrants some self-reflection.

I agree with Dannielle’s advice on what to do when you are in that situation – be honest, be honest, be honest.

However, what kind of factors lead you into those relationships in the first place? Are you considering the things that you like and want in a relationship when you first enter into one? Are you more concerned with having SOMEBODY to snuggle / makeout / etc with and so therefore putting a little less focus on the longterm things that keep love going? What, exactly, makes you feel bored? Is it the conversations? The sex? The attraction? All of it?

Here’s something to notice: When you described your relationships you said you always “make them really happy,” but… you didn’t say anything about you being happy.

I know that you don’t often turn to an advice site to get asked more questions… so I apologize. However, this is a situation that is bigger than simply being honest with others – this is a situation where you should challenge yourself to be honest with… yourself. Reflect on things. Journal at the start, the middle, and the end of your next relationship. Pay attention to the specifics and start to really pull them apart.

Relationships are an incredible way to get insight into some of the things happening in your brain and heart and head. Be honest. Be kind. Reflect. Work. You will figure it out and things will become a lot clearer and easier to navigate over time.

x

You are going to fall in love with the greatest human.

Dannielle Owens-reid x

PEOPLE ARE COMPLEX. GENDER IS CONFUSING. SEX IS GREAT. HAVE A NICE DAY.

Kristin Russo