The Long War

The Long Earth series - Book 2

By Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter

Book opened: January 9th, 2017

Book closed: January 24th, 2017

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Remember my main beef with The Long Earth? That the consequences of this brave new world were a big *insert rude gesture here* to anybody not of sound body or mind and the end of art as we know it? Contrary to my conviction, Baxter and Pratchett were aware of at least the lack of art, as in this book we get the following quote:

" 'A book? Nobody reads books now. Or at least, not new books.' "

Which does not exactly solve the problem, but at least acknowledges it as one of the many unfortunate repercussions of this stepwise universe on humanity.

The Long War doesn’t solve any of the issues, but rather continues where The Long Earth left off. Plus the added bonus of humanity being the Big Bad.

Which is of course exactly what makes this such a Pratchett-y book, the fact that humans are the root of all evil; the notion of people being the problem. Back when the world was a happier place, Sir Terry showed us our flaws by holding up a mirror and usually a fun-house mirror at that. He was angry at people, but showed it through jokes and with a sense of "This is not you, but you know somebody like this, don't you?", which made his negative world view palatable and very entertaining. But this mirror isn't concave or convex. No distortedly hilarious images of ourselves here, but only clear and unbridled reality, exactly as Sir Terry sees the world. His anger at it feels prominent here and it makes for a harsh read.

The book is called The Long War for a reason. Most of the book is a build up to an almost inevitable climax of reciprocal hate between the steppers and the stayers (dare I say between the ‘leave’ and ‘remain’ campaigns?). All joking aside, maybe the times we live in made this hit home so much. The exasperating inevitability of it all, the no-way-out-ness, the frustration we feel with the other, the distance between ourselves and those who have different opinions, all of that is overwhelming enough in real life.

But in all honesty, that is exactly where the beauty of the book lies. The accuracy with which Pratchett and Baxter describe human reactions to these fantastical events makes the more outlandish premises so much more palatable. As with The Long Earth the book is almost painfully real and incredibly immersive. You can feel the grass under your feet, the breeze that carries the faint smell of trolls in the distance on your skin, the sun on your face; it’s al so damn real.

I really don’t want to spoil it for anybody, because I think you should read this. If you try to distance yourself a little from what the effect of Step Day would be on you, and you look at this story from the outside, it may actually be almost comforting. I think the best advice I can give a new reader about the Long Earth books is to let go of the safety you felt in books like Jingo or Pyramids or even Interesting Times, where the racist xenophobes were funny and other people and not your problem. The Long Earth series is more expansive and many ways more hopeful and more directed towards the future than Discworld was, but it is also far more cynical and ruthless and cruel. This is an exercise in facing your flaws, in staying positive despite the hardships and in keeping your cool and letting open discussion and acceptance of others prevail.

The ultimate message of this book and of the whole series is heart warming enough to grit your teeth through the more difficult parts. Read it. Sometimes you have to eat your greens, it’s part of being a grown up. And sometimes those greens can be surprisingly more tasty than you expected.

The Long Earth

The Long Earth series - Book 1

By Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter

Book opened: September 19th, 2016

Book closed: September 24th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Imagine a world... Or, rather, imagine this world, right now. This world, your world, and suddenly somebody posts a diagram for a magical device online. The diagram goes viral like a truly bad meme, because if you follow this diagram carefully and you build the device, you have the ability to 'step' to a whole other world, just the width of a shadow away. In this other world everything is the same except there are no, nor have there ever been, people. So you step to a wild forest or steppe or desert, depending on where you are in the world right now. Sounds awesome, right? But of course there are rules. For instance, if you live in an apartment building anywhere above say the second floor and you step from there, you'll probably step to your death, because you always step from the same height. On the other hand, you can't step into anything solid, so you won't end up merged with a tree or a glacier or another person, so that's lucky. You can't bring anything more than what you are carrying and you can't bring any iron at all. Oh, and some people are natural steppers and don't need the device at all, whereas others are unable to step even if they are carried by a friend. People in that last group are called phobics and they are stuck on this world, known in the story as Datum Earth.

That's the setting for this grand adventure and it is so beautifully and skillfully written that while you're reading it, you're there. You can feel every step, you can smell the fresh grass never touched by another human being, you can see the sunlight reflect on the waters of unfamiliar lakes, and all of it is breathtaking. The world building is splendidly done, the attention to detail close to perfection. The jokes are funny, the characters relatable and the story engaging and exciting. It's a page turner and it will leave you wanting so much more.

And yet... The overarching idea seems to be that these other worlds are good and the Datum Earth is bad. No other earth has people, people are the anomaly, people are a curse. And that is all well and good, I like my solitude as much as the next introvert and yes, mankind has really screwed up this place we call home. BUT. I like modern life. I like technology. I like art and books and movies and music and I LOVE the internet. And these seemingly perfect other worlds don't have any of that. Without a way to share our knowledge, much of it will disappear. No more maths may sound glorious, but in fact it'll set mankind back hundreds if not thousands of years. I know this is fiction, but for as much as Sir Terry proclaimed to be such a science enthusiast, no mention is made of this downside of the stepping-universe at all. That might be my biggest criticism; the glorification of the pioneer lifestyle with no mention of the end of human development. I lie, my biggest criticism is actually not as grand as all that. My biggest criticism is that a whole section of mankind is forgotten in this story. As thorough as the authors were, you are led to believe that all is dealt with, all is encompassed in this story, but they forgot the simple truth that not everybody can walk. Not everybody can survive without modern technology, or modern medicines. For all the love I have for these books and for the beauty of the writing, I really hate that it reads so much like a Baby Boomer fantasy. The whole 'pick yourself up by your bootstraps'-'work for your dinner'-'the hunter/gatherer lifestyle is more noble'-'these kids and their phones'-mentality is so disappointing.

Distancing myself a bit form the story I can see how the utopian/dystopian contraposition of the new worlds versus the Datum Earth makes for an interesting concept. I even enjoy it, especially the sweeping adventure of the main arc. But the fact that I'm convinced that if this actually happened I'd be stranded on the Datum with no way of escape, combined with the realism of the writing, makes for a hard and disturbing read.

The Witch’s Vacuum Cleaner

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: September 20th, 2016

Book closed: September 20th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

I get the feeling that after Sir Terry's diagnosis he (or the publishers) suddenly realised there were unpublished or forgotten writings lying about that might be lost forever after his death. And so A Slip of the Keyboard, A Blink of The screen, Dragons of Crumbling Castle and this book were born. Not that I'm complaining, I'd hate for all these stories to be lost forever, but reading compilation after compilation gets a little repetitive. Still, at least it's repetitive Pratchett.

The Witch's Vacuum Cleaner picks up where Dragons at Crumbling Castle left of. It's basically the same book, but to have put all the stories in one big tome, would have made it impossible for little hands to hold, so it was split in two. The Witch's Vacuum Cleaner is also illustrated by Mark Beech and also uses typography to beguile and enchant. And the stories are just as rambling and bumbling and fantastical. Not to sound repetitive myself, but this is again a great book to read with or to a six-year-old.

In my last review I forgot to show you exactly what I meant by that, so let me use some images as filler for this review:

See? Fetching and fun and full of fantasy. Perfectly precious. Darlingly dainty. As I've said before, it's a very cute collection that a true fan would want to own and read. And if that true fan has young children, even better. So go get yourself a copy and pat yourself on the back for having such an extensive collection of the things Sir Terry wrote. I know I have.

Dragons at Crumbling Castle

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: September 19th, 2016

Book closed: September 20th, 2016

Summary sadly not readily available, but links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Aaand yet another collection of short stories, this time for the little ones. And we're talking truly little here, like maybe kids just starting to read, so five- or six-year-olds? This is definitely pre-Bromeliad Trilogy.

Don't get me wrong, these tales are fun, but not actually entertaining for grown-ups. Though I do see how it could be a cool book to read to and with your kid. The book is liberally illustrated by Mark Beech, who has a fun and lighthearted style that goes well with the frolicking and bumbling narratives. And a lot of page-space is taken up by typographical illustrations, with people shouting in large letters and whispering in really tiny ones. All of which points to a book that a child would want to look at and not just listen to.

The stories themselves are also perfectly suited for the younger age-group. They bumble and meander without much plot, jumping from one "and then" to the next. They all have strong beginnings, but many don't really end, they just sort of peter out. It's a lot like listening to a six-year-old telling you a story, though with better jokes. The best one by far being when, in the first adventure, the News Crier (because back then there were no newspapers yet) bellows a headline at King Arthur and then says in a softer voice "For full details hear page nine" after which the ninth page walks on. Call me a nerd, but that made me giggle. And it shows the level of wit we're talking about here.

This whole collection was originally written for the children's section of the Bucks Free Press, a local paper in Buckinghamshire where Sir Terry worked as a junior reporter way back in the day before he published The Carpet People. So the writing is still all over the place, as we saw in The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic, but that's a lot easier to deal with in these smaller portions, which are just about the length of the average six-year-old's attention span.

The stories are all positive and happy, they all come to happy (if unexpected) endings and there are some surprising twists along the way. All in all I'd say it's a very cute collection that a true fan would want to own and read. And if that true fan has young children, even better.

A Blink of the Screen

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: September 15th, 2016

Book closed: September 18th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Another collection of short stories, this time all fictional. And sadly somehow less uproariously funny, though I doubt anything will ever make me laugh again as hard as Straight from the Heart, Via the Groin did, so my expectations might be unattainably high.

Most of these stories are featured in Once More, but this book is worth it just for the addition of the deleted scene from The Sea and Little Fishes, a story which should have been a Witches-book all by itself. There's so much there and if you're a fan of Discworld in general and of Granny in particular, you need this in your life, deleted scene and all.

Other notable stories that I haven't mentioned before:

Solution: an elaborate joke, worth it for the punchline

The Picture: a bit obvious, but an example of what Sir Terry would do if he wrote horror stories

The High Meggas: the birth of the Long Earth series, which apparently originated all the way back before the publishing of The Colour of Magic and if that hadn't been as popular as it was, we might have had a completely different popular series and a completely different Pratchett

The book also features several illustrations by the late Josh Kirby and even a few by Sir Terry himself. I'm not a fan of Josh Kirby's work, as I've mentioned before, but Sir Terry's little doodles accompanying The Prince and the Partridge are very cute.

A Blink of the Screen was less of an emotional experience than A Slip of the Keyboard, but still very much worth the read. It had just one real punch to deliver, when in the deleted scene of The Sea and Little Fishes Granny Weatherwax wonders "Who'd come to her funeral when she died?" And it broke my heart a little that I knew the answer to that question.

Read this book or don't, but get your hands on a copy of The Sea and Little Fishes; I think it might be the best Discworld story Sir Terry ever wrote.

A Slip of the Keyboard

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: September 3rd, 2016

Book closed: September 15th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

This is a compilation of most, if not all, of Sir Terry's non-fictional work, so it's a little on the chewy side. A very good read, but I must admit there were times I chose to play with my phone or read something else rather than plod along with this one.

Many of the articles, speeches and essays here were also featured in Once More, but if you only read that book you'll miss out on some pretty good stuff in this one. The book is split in 3 parts: the first part deals with PTerry's thoughts on writing, the second with PTerry's wonderings and daydreams and the third with PTerry's anger at the world and all its injustices. This division is rough and arbitrary, of course, because his daydreams and his anger were so very much a part of his writing, but it gives a nice flow to the book that perhaps works better than the more obvious chronological order would have done. The stories here give a beautiful insight into the Man Pratchett and for the fan, that is a wonderful thing to own. I laughed and I cried while reading this and I recommend it wholeheartedly to anyone who wants to know more about the man behind the Discworld. The stories are intensely personal and written by the man himself, so as first-hand as you could wish to have it. Sir Terry was a very private man, so to get this peek at his personality is a gift.

It is almost impossible to give a thorough review of a book of short writings, but I can give you a feel for the book through some examples:

Straight from the Heart, Via the Groin, Sir Terry's "speech given at Noreascon 2004, Worldcon", made me laugh until I cried and had me trying to read passages to my baffled husband through tears and snot and hiccups of hilarity. For real, that speech almost killed me. It made me squirm too, because his description of an exploratory heart surgery through the artery in his groin was too damn vivid. But him asking the surgeon about sandwiches had me in stitches. The Meaning of My Christmas, incidentally published on my 18th birthday, gave me the warm and fuzzies. Sir Terry beautifully describes his (and my) love for (a secular version of) Christmas and how being too cool for a little commercialism might not be so cool after all. Almost the whole third and final section of the book, called "Days of Rage" had me crying like a baby. I went straight into the ugly cry after reading

"There's no way I'm going to retire, I'll be writing until I die. It's my passion."

in "The NHS is Seriously Injured", a rant against the injustices in the UK's social healthcare system, and I kept going all the way through to the end of the book. In the last section there is so much rage. Rage against his disease, rage against the lack of a cure, rage against the inability to choose his own death; it's overwhelming. In 2011 Sir Terry made a documentary called Choosing to Die in which he explained why he wanted to choose his own death and why others would want to and in which he visited Dignitas and was present at the last moments of another person's life. The documentary was heartbreaking and beautiful and his essay on his experiences, "Death Knocked and We Let Him In", even more so.

Reading this book gives you a glimpse of the life behind the books. Sometimes we forget authors are more than the providers of our stories. These people have lives and families and traditions and feelings and opinions and adventures. There was more to Sir Terry than just the raised lettering on the front and the quaint picture on the inside-back of the dustcover. There was more to his life and there was more to his death and I'm glad he shared so much of it with us.

Finally, I'd like to share a piece of Sir Terry's best advice for living a happy life:

"This is the author saying this, folks. Do not start at the beginning with Discworld."

Once More*  with footnotes

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: August 27th, 2016

Book closed: September 2nd, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Sir Terry himself has said (in this book no less) that "[s]hort stories cost [him] blood." Which shouldn't come as a surprise from a man who regularly churned out full novels containing about a bazillion plot lines each. Why write only 1000 words, when you can write a 100000? And maybe throw in a few extra characters, some more clever puns and a gaggle of footnotes? Why limit yourself like that? But when he does limit himself, he's equally as magnificent at it as when he lets go and puts an average of about 86000 words in a Discworld novel.

I'm glad Sir Terry didn't like writings short stories, because I always want MORE. More characters, more puns, more footnotes; I have an insatiable appetite for anything PTerry. There is one notable exception: a short, short, story called Incubust, which is only and exactly 100 words long and manages to contain a footnote. It's brilliant for its brevity and should not be a word longer. It is also your reason to buy this book. It's worth it just for that story, I promise.

There are many other notable stories in this book, of course. There is The Sea and Little Fishes, which is maybe the best Discworld short story ever written. Yes, better than Troll Bridge, which, incidentally, is also reprinted in this book. And on the non-fiction side we have Paperback Writer about where and how Sir Terry got his inspiration and his wonderful praise for fellow writer Neil Gaiman in Neil Gaiman: Amazing Master Conjuror. Most of the non-fiction stories are about the art of writing, something Sir Terry was well equipped to talk about. They are a delight to read and give a glimpse of insight into the master behind our most beloved books. Part of his sage advice:

"I've learned one or two things over the years. One is that the best time to work out a book is in bed, just after you've woken up. [...] A notebook is vital at this point. So is actually being awake. If I had been fully awake I probably would have written a fuller note than "MegaPED:" on the back of a card by my bed the other day. It's probably the key to a plot idea, but don't ask me, I only wrote it down."

So it turns out even literary giants have their moments of failure and he claims to have had even more. In his introduction to The Hades Business, a story he had published when he was only thirteen years old (what were you doing when you were thirteen?), Sir Terry pretends to be sticking his fingers in his ears and singing loudly, so he can't hear us reading this embarrassingly badly written tale. The infuriating thing is that it's not that bad. I think the abomination and Faust/Eric are probably worse and this is quite enjoyable.

Now before you rush out to buy this book, let me warn you that it was published in 2004 and is far from complete. Almost all of the stories contained here were reprinted later in A Slip of the Keyboard (for non-fiction) and A Blink of the Screen (for fiction). There are only eight PTerry texts unique to this book and they are mostly introductions to other books. None of them are fictional stories, so you're not missing out on your favorite characters doing something you'll never know about and most are not even that interesting.

There are a few points of noteworthiness that I don't want to withhold:

After obsessing over Discworld books for more than two decades and having been lucky enough to be well educated and well read, it took re(!)-reading of this book for me to be schooled on the fact that "clearly the Vetinaris have a distant relationship with the Medici." Well, now that you mention it, yes, obviously. Why did this take me this long?

Sir Terry received some naughty Christmas cards, containing greetings such as "Is Father Christmas Coming/Or Is He Just Breathing Heavily? Lots Of Stuffing This Christmas!!! Snugglebottom Ex Ex Ex!" ... What you do with this information is up to you.

Write your fanletters on Holly Hobby notepaper, it might get you a mention in a short story

And lastly, in the introduction to The Wyrdest Link, a Discworld themed quiz-book, Sir Terry casually mentions: "If I'd known Discworld would be this popular, I'd have written better books..." I don't think that would have been possible, but can you imagine?

Good Omens

By Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Book opened: July 24th, 2016

Book closed: July 30th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Boy do I not want to do this...

I didn't like it, you guys. I'm so sorry. I wanted to like it. I used to like it. I used to love it, actually. But somehow I just found it annoying this time around.

There are many things that I thoroughly enjoy about the book, of course. I love Aziraphale and Crowley and their friendship. I love the four horsemen of the apocalypse and how they manifest themselves. I love the wordplay and the manipulation of the Bible. I love the idea behind most of this story, I just don't love the execution. And there is at least one character I hate. I hate Shadwell and I skimmed through most of his parts of the story. I think Shadwell later came back as the aged Junior Postman Tolliver Groat in Going Postal, another unlovable character. Shadwell is nasty and gross and I can see his purpose in the book, but good God, do I hate the man.

I'm having trouble explaining my feelings about this book, because on the one hand I love the book, because I see the genius and all the intricate details that work together so perfectly to bring about the end result. This is a wild journey where the (first time) reader is constantly led to believe they know where the story is going only to be flung in quite the opposite direction. There is a brilliance at work here, throwing you off and helping you at the same time. The jokes are funny, the relationships relatable and the descriptions so lifelike, you can almost feel the August sunshine on your skin. And yet...

I don't really enjoy reading this. It is highly chaotic and dare I say it, a little childish. The humor is often based on misunderstandings (like how the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness came to grow up in a tiny British rural town) and the rest of the story hangs on the adults not noticing al these strange phenomena are basically an 11-year-old boy's fantasies come to life. Half of this story (anything to do with Adam) is about how kids are dumb and will believe almost anything and understand almost nothing. Which is all well and good, I mean, it's true, but I don't need half a book to tell me about it. The childishness and the chaos really got to me here.

And still, I quote this book often and I live by many of its lessons. For instance, I never leave cassette tapes (or any form of music carrier) in the car too long, for fear of it turning into Best of Queen* and I now firmly believe that Elvis lives**. I support this book and I often name it as one of my favorite non-Discworld Pratchetts. I love it dearly, I just don't love to read it. Maybe the book is like a painting by Monet, best enjoyed from a short distance.

Oh, and let me be clear, this has nothing to do with the fact that this was a collaboration with the great Neil Gaiman ( @neil-gaiman ). I'm actually pretty sure the parts I didn't like as much were more Sir Terry's doing than Mr. Gaiman's. In fact, Good Omens introduced me to Mr. Gaiman's work and I've been an avid fan of his ever since.

No, I think my annoyance with the book this time around is mostly due to having read it too often. My edition is slowly disintegrating and I'm having to be vary careful turning the pages for fear of the whole thing just falling apart. When you know a story that well, the predictability can get on your nerves. I also read it a little more attentively to be able to review it and that obviously didn't help either. But, honesty compels me to give it to you straight. I didn't enjoy it, but that really shouldn't stop you, because it is actually really good. Go read it, especially if you haven't yet, because the first time is the best time for this work of art.

* p.19-20: "all tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

** p.261: When a Trivia machine poses the question what year Elvis died, Death's response is "I DON'T CARE WHAT IT SAYS [...] I NEVER LAID A FINGER ON HIM"

Johnny and the Bomb

The third Johnny Maxwell title

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: July 15th, 2016

Book closed: July 20th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Well, alrighty then. Not only does Johnny’s lazy brain give him the ability to talk to dead people, he can now also travel in time. No, really, that’s where we’ve gone with this. And from a grown-up stand point I am hugely disappointed. But the kid in me is delighted. De-Ligh-ted. This is by far the most adventurous Johnny Maxwell adventure and it’s a rip-roaring tale of time-travel and nazi-defeating and bomb warnings and heroic deeds all around. There are ferocious cats, little old ladies, billionaires buying their own hamburger restaurant chains, car chases and even… shock and horror… girls! Well, one girl. But she’s plenty scary.

Before you get on me about this girl-thing, yes, there was a girl in the first book, but she was gone by the second and Johnny never felt about her as he feels about this girl. Which is mainly scared and nervous. But we all know what that means at that age, right? Right? Yeah, nothing actually happens between them, because this is Sir Terry and he doesn’t write teen-angsty-romance, but still, it’s there and I thought I’d mention it, so now I have.

Johnny and the Bomb is essentially about Sir Terry’s views on time travel and its paradoxes. And the actual time traveling is done in such a Pratchett manner, it’s just great. Mrs. Tachyon (tiny geek-giggle) is the local bag-lady, who’s been around for generations. And as is usually the case with people in her position, nobody really notices that that is strange. She’s always just been there, in between the cracks, biding her time. Storing it, saving it, using it, spending it, manipulating it. Then one fateful evening, at 11.07PM on May 21, 1941, Mrs Tachyon gets injured in the accidental bombing of Blackburry. She flips to Johnny’s time and is found by Johnny and his friends who dial 999 and get her to safety. But that means Johnny is now stuck with her trolley full of time bags. And shenanigans ensue.

The old lady whom everybody knows about, but nobody really knows is an often used character for Sir Terry and much like Rule One (Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!), this trope is Sir Terry’s way of telling us you should pay attention to these ladies, because often they are far more than they appear to be. In his books that means something mystical, but I think (I hope?) that he meant that in real life people like Mrs Tachyon have stories to tell and it’s a shame we don’t look out for them and for each other more. But in a much less sappy way, obviously.

Too much happens in the 229 pages of Johnny and the Bomb to really get into the details. It’s a Pratchett; he could imagine six impossible plot lines before the third paragraph without breaking a sweat. So I won’t go into the story. I will tell you that Johnny’s friends play a more prominent role in this story than in the previous ones. Before they were almost flatter, serving only as set pieces for Johnny to play off of. Here they have more rounded personalities and I think that has everything to do with Sir Terry’s genius. He has shown us Johnny growing up, not only in words, but also in the way Johnny interacts with his surroundings. Johnny develops more empathy and is more able to imagine his friends as fully fledged human beings. It takes all of us a while to understand that other people also have that voice behind the eyes, that they too are people who live lives just like we do and that other people are not just the supporting cast to our own stories. And I’m sure we’ve all met one or two adult individuals in our lives who are still on this journey. I just love how subtly Sir Terry managed to show Johnny’s growth. And I think it’s a lesson many people could benefit from.

This is where I wanted to say something like “But it’s not only heavy stuff, there’s humor here too” and then add a couple of quotes, only to find out that the only quote I had marked as notable was quite depressing:

“‘You’re ill, aren’t you,’ said Johnny. […] 'I’m suffering from life,’ he said. 'However, I’m nearly cured.’”

I love that. But it isn’t exactly funny. Maybe I should mention that I only mark the page for quotable things and not the actual lines and on this particular page we also get this gem:

“Sometimes loose ends are necessary. If they weren’t, spaghetti would be merely an embarrassing experience.”

That was probably the quote I was going for, but I like the one about suffering from life too. And it warms my heart that PTerry could give us both absurd frivolity and morbid melancholy on the same page.

I really didn’t want to spoil this story for you, which is why I haven’t revealed much. I think you should read this. You should read the whole series. Because even though they are as dated as your granny’s diary, there are some universal truths to be found here. And the stories, especially this one, are still gripping and exciting.

Johnny and the Dead

The second Johnny Maxwell title

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: July 10th, 2016

Book closed: July 12th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Well, shit, Johnny developed a superpower.

...

That's me trying to get over my disappointment. The superpower he gets is cute and all and it all turns out to be for some very commendable plot points and inspirational messages, but come ON, man. Really?

Okay, but apart from that crushing development, let's look at this story.

Johnny's parents have finally parted ways and Johnny and his mum are now living with Johnny's maternal grandfather. A grumpy and forgetful old man who lives in the front room and watches daytime TV. He's as flat a character as most parents are in these books, because they don't actually matter. The story is still about the struggle of childhood and the importance of friendship. Only now with the additional problem of being like Danny Lloyd in The Shining, Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost or Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense (Johnny sees dead people, is what I'm getting at).

Johnny sees dead people, because - in pure Terry Pratchett fashion - he's too lazy not to. Sir Terry's theory that people don't see the things their brain doesn't want them to see apparently also works in early 90's Roundworld England. And Johnny's brain is too lazy to filter these things, so he just sees dead people. His friends don't, of course, and they still think he's nuts, but they've been friends for too long to just dump him now. Although they'd like to, because it's nearing Halloween and all of a sudden Johnny is talking to unseen people in the cemetery, where it's always a little colder than everywhere else and where there's this weird mist hanging about. The fact that the cemetery lies right along the river has nothing to do with these phenomena, of course.

It turns out that for evil capitalist reasons the cemetery is about to be sold as a building site and the dead ask Johnny to stop it. He tries to explain he's just a kid, but the dead are convinced he'll have an easier time getting himself heard than they would and he has to concede they have a point. But as with the first book, the story isn't actually about saving the old stuff in your community and how all progress is bad, because Sir Terry is an old fart, but not stupid. The story is actually about the importance of holding on AND of letting go. Where the townspeople get a lesson in preserving and honoring local history, the dead get a lesson in letting go and enjoying what you have while you have it. The lesson for the reader probably lies somewhere in the middle.

Look, I'm annoyed that Johnny is suddenly much less average than he was in the first book, but I do love the message of this book more. There is comfort in Sir Terry's views on death and the afterlife, especially now that he is no longer with us. This story is also a little punnier. Maybe because it features more grown-ups, even if they are dead ones. There's a reference for all the Trekkies out there when one of the dead people has figured out the telephone and calls a midnight radio station:

"'--yowsahyowsahyowsah! And the next caller on Uncle Mad Jim's bodaaaacious Problem Corner iiiissss--' Johnny froze. He had a feeling... 'William Sticker, Mad Jim.' 'Hi, Bill. You sound a bit depressed to me.' 'It's worse than that. I'm dead, Jim.'

That made me snort. And then there's the one joke I hope to make if I ever get to talk to a ghost. One of the dead, Solomon Einstein (who claims to be Albert's distant cousin), suggests going to a nearby pub he used to frequent. To which another member of the deceased replies:

"You wouldn't get a drink, Solly[.] They don't serve spirits."

That is solid gold comedy, my friends, solid gold.

But despite the groany puns and the superpowers, the book is once again fully worth the read. It's also a little less dated than the first one; the only explaining you'd have to do for your kid is about micro-fiche machines and that's nothing much more than "Like Google Image search where all the images are newspaper pages and you can only search by date and your screen brightness is turned way low and everything is slightly blurry". There, I've helped you out. Now go read the book.

Only You Can Save Mankind

The first Johnny Maxwell title

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: July 1st, 2016

Book closed: July 3rd, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

It's been forever since I last read the Johnny Maxwell trilogy and let me tell you, they don't hold up. I mean, they're fantastic for nostalgic reasons, especially if you were a kid in Suburbia anywhere in the Western world in the late eighties or early nineties, but for new readers of the age-group this is written for, these books are just plain weird.

Only You Can Save Mankind is a book about a 12-year-old playing video-games in the pre-internet early nineties. That is not relatable at all to 12-year-olds now, but it was incredibly relatable to my pony-tail-to-the-side-and-neon-colored-polyester-wearing bad self back in the day. So the books are more for the old farts who remember the birth (and death) of things like icq and AOL instant messenger and who fondly look back on the days before all that, when summers were longer and children respected their elders...

Which is exactly the sort of thing Sir Terry liked to mess up. When he wrote this the books were modern, of course, but he was looking at childhood in a completely non-sentimental way. Johnny, our protagonist, does not have the idyllic suburban perfect life by far and neither do his friends. The book is delightfully honest about what childhood really felt like as opposed to what our rose-colored reminiscence likes to tell us.

Johnny's parents are in the middle of a messy divorce that they are pretending for the boy's sake is not actually happening. Johnny is aware of the 'trying times' as he calls them, but also takes full advantage of his parents' guilt and lives a quite separate life from them with more freedom than the average 12-year-old enjoys. Because of the ' trying times' Johnny has a computer in his room (huge deal back in the nineties, trust me) and on it he plays video games. And then one day, one of the games talks back. In the midst of a difficult boss-fight the game shows the message "We wish to talk" and Johnny doesn't immediately do the right thing. He does the human thing, he pauses the game and reads the manual. The manual, which has otherwise helpful comments such as

"Actual games shots taken from a version you haven't bought."

With such an honest manual you'd expect there to be a whole chapter on messages from the aliens on your screen, but Johnny finds nothing. He decides it "[...] must be one of the New Features the game was Packed With." Out of curiosity he types "Die, alein scum/" and is startled by the reply that the aliens do not wish to die, they wish to talk. He fires at the aliens again (because, well, it's not a Don't Fire button) and when that only results in more pleading he saves the game and turns to his homework.

I love how small the story gets there. The details of Johnny paging through the manual, his confusion, all of it is so accurate. None of the instant-hero stuff for Sir Terry. This kid is confused and he does what we would all do at first: shoot it again and then try to ignore it.

The story goes where you'd expect it to go after that. Johnny talks to his friends about it, they decide he's nuts, but they're his friends and 12-year-olds tend to stick together through weird shit. A lot of crazy stuff happens, but none of that is really worth mentioning, because that is not what the book is ultimately about. The book is about friendship and growing up and empathy and struggle and being a kid in the big bad world. It's about being who you are and not being the best or the most special, but still being a worthwhile person. All of Johnny's friends have talents and traits that make them unique and interesting, but Johnny is just plain. Not the best at anything, not the worst, just average. Now, we know better of course. Johnny is actually the kids whose parents are going through a messy divorce, the kid who can cook and clean for himself at age 12, the kid who has a smart and level head on his shoulders and who is kind and has maybe just a bit too much imagination. But that is not what Johnny sees. And that is what the book is ultimately about without bashing you over the head with it: You are unique; exactly as unique as everybody else is.

I truly love that this book shows the average kid that he can be a hero too. I think we need more books like that. And not in the Harry Potter / Percy Jackson way, where the average kid turns out to be a superpowered kid, but actual average kids. Which is what makes it extra sad that the book is so dated now. But if you do have an exceptionally average 12-year-old running through your house, maybe have them read this and just explain the oddities of growing up without the internet? It'll give you an excuse to wax lyrical about the bygone days, a thing us old farts are quite fond of doing. And if you were an exceptionally average 12-year-old once yourself, you should definitely read this, if only for nostalgia's sake.

Wings

The Third Book of the Nomes

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: May 8th, 2016

Book closed: May 9th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

The conclusion to the nomic adventure: The Thing, an almost ex-machina type of device that the nomes took with them from their ship when they landed on the Earth many, many generations ago, has guided three of our heroes to Fort Lauderdale, Florida to the launch of a new satellite through which it can make contact with the nome-ship to get the nomes home and off this rock that is increasingly obviously not intended for the nomes.

The end to the story feels a little rushed. This should have been the biggest adventure yet, but all it really is, is a series of events either started or fixed (and often both) by the Thing with very little resolution along the way. It's a bit of a disappointment, really. We do learn that there are millions more nomes, living all over the world. And that Floridian nomes speak a language very close to ancient Nomish and are very skilled goose-wranglers. The traveling on the Concorde dates the story a little, though, and if you're reading this with your kid, you'll need to explain that a bit.

However enjoyable and fantastic those little details, there is one major plot point that got me quite riled up while reading this:

WHY WOULD NOMES SPEAK ENGLISH?

Sorry for yelling, but I was just so annoyed with myself for not noticing this until the flipping "Floridians" turned out to speak a language "remarkably close to original Nomish". A little voice in my head went "Huh. So why would 'my' nomes speak English?". And I couldn't shut that voice up after that. I guess Sir Terry was relying on kids not being nosy and pedantic little pricks and not thinking too much about this, but I am and I did and now I can't not. Look, throughout the whole trilogy it is constantly pointed out that nomes live faster than humans and that humans sound like they are mooing. Nomes cannot understand humans. At the end of this book they use the Thing to translate for them. So how did the store nomes pick up English? How did they learn to read? How do they use very human words like 'register' or 'train' or 'Bromeliad flower' for that matter? Why?

I've spoiled these books for you now and I'm sorry about that. Maybe it helps that it took me through the third book to put my finger on that problem? That's how good the writing is. You just accept everything Sir Terry throws at you, gobbling it up with joy, enjoying the story so much you don't care about the details. But then the story slows down and one little, stupid comment, and BOOM, you're flung right out of it and into reality, where nomes have no reason to adopt a whole new language that has nothing to do with their own.

I know I had the same problem with The Carpet People and I know I read this trilogy right after that book,so I should have noticed this way sooner, but it was so established from the beginning that the nomes spoke English, that I never thought to question that. In The Carpet People the people spoke a completely different language. They had weird words and ate weird food and bred weird animals, so it was more obvious. But the nomes interact with English things, they live in the human world, in England, accepting they speak English is not hard. I don't know, that's all I can come up with in my defense for not spotting this HUGE flaw right from the beginning.

If you can get over those problems - the language thing and the feeling that it's all a little too easy - the book is quite enjoyable. The whole thing is clearly written for kids, so don't expect too much, but every Pratchett-fan needs to read these at least once. The overall lessons on how to be a decent person are still there, and that is really all we come back for with Sir Terry, isn't it? That and the endless puns and plays on words, of course:

"AIRPORTS: A place where people hurry up and wait."

Diggers

The Second Book of the Nomes

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: May 3rd, 2016

Book closed: May 3rd, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

The nomes made it out of the frying pan and into the fire. They arrived at the quarry and had just started to really settle in when, wouldn't you know it, those pesky humans show up again. The quarry is to be re-opened, which is puzzling, because as far as the nomes can make out, that big hole in the ground is already pretty much open. But whatever way you look at it, it's time to move again, because humans and nomes do not mix well.

This is the book where the Bromeliad Trilogy-nickname is first explained:

"'There's this place, you see. Called Southamerica. And there's these hills where it's hot and rains all the time, and in the rain forests there are these very tall trees and right in the top branches of the trees there are these like great big flowers called bromeliads and water gets into the flowers and makes little pools and there's a type of frog that lays eggs in the pools and tadpoles hatch and grow into new frogs and these little frogs live their whole lives in the flowers right at the top of the trees and don't even know about the ground and the world is full of things like that and now I know about them and I'm never ever going to be able to see them and then you,' she gulped for breath, 'want me to come and live with you in a hole and wash your socks!'"

Apart from the sock-washing bit, that is very poignant. Actually, so is the sock-washing bit, but for different reasons. The whole book is a lesson in reaching out and going further than you thought possible, but also about standing your ground and being who you are. It's all very Good-Parenting-approved and I highly recommend reading this with your kid.

I don't recommend it as highly for yourself for a rainy night in. For one thing, it would only be a rainy half hour in, but also, it's not as entertaining as Truckers was. It's a little less of an adventure and more of a build up to the third book. Don't get me wrong, the subject matter is interesting, but it's not exactly a page turner.

What I do love about this book is, again, the perfect mirroring of humanity. How the crazies rise up when there is a power vacuum. People scurry for a sense of security and often fall back on old bad habits and old bad traditions. How different people have different skills and not everybody can be the same type of leader. How when the excrement finally does hit the oscillating blades, people will band together and they will get stuff done. It's a story of hope and courage and determination. But written for that 10-year old kid, so also full of lame puns and bad jokes. It's fun and exciting and wholesome and perfectly Pratchett:

"If you looked at it philosophically, the whole thing about big and small was just a matter of size."

Truckers

The First Book of the Nomes

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: April 29th, 2016

Book closed: April 30th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

This little-people-in-a-big-world-thing really stuck with Sir Terry. I wonder if he'd just read The Borrowers? (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, go check it out and read that)

Truckers is the first book of the Nomes-series, about a race of 4" high humanoid people who came to the earth from outer space and have forgotten all about that. Now, generations later, they are living under the floors of a giant department store that is about to close for good and they need to get out.

It's cute and all, but it feels a lot more juvenile than The Carpet People. We're in the early Harry Potter age bracket here. Not exactly for the littlest kids, bot not yet YA either. The 9-to-13-year-old demographic is what we're looking at, I guess? And that's fine, because that is the age at which you enjoy rip-roaring adventures that don't necessarily make sense and this sure is one. Where The Carpet People was dark and brooding and about war and fear, this is about cunning and excitement and trucks and the young outwitting the elderly.

Truckers is about a group of nomes (as they call themselves) living in a hole outside a highway truck stop somewhere in England. They escape their miserable lives by jumping on one of the trucks while its driver is in the shop and hoping for the best. They end up in Arnold Bros (est. 1905), a department store that sells everything from garden equipment to office chairs and from baby clothes to electrical appliances. It turns out that the store is already inhabited by nomes, thousands of them and they have been in the store so long, many of them don't even believe in the outside world anymore. Nomes live at a speed about 10 times our own, so ten years is like a century to them and generations fly by and rain and wind were soon forgotten. Not long after our heroes arrive it transpires that the store is closing for good and will soon be demolished. That's where the actual adventure starts, because the nomes decide to steal a truck and use it to transport the thousands of nomes to a safer place. If those dumb, lumbering humans can drive them, why not the far superior nomes? And, as ever with a Pratchett novel, shenanigans ensue.

It's a great read, though a little simple for my grown up tastes. But it is thoroughly enjoyable and not just because it is stuffed with little references to the recognizable human world. Simple references like how the signs in the store are read by the store-nomes as meaningful messages from their god:

"'Well, that one over there says Everything Must Go,'said Gurder. 'But that turns up every year. It's Arnold Bros (est. 1905)'s way of telling us that we must lead good lives because we all die eventually.'"

Which is great of course, but the fascination lies more in the things a 9-year-old would miss: the critique on religion, the not-so-subtle feminism, the perfect portrayal of human relationships. The nomes are of course our mirror images and they have a very recognizable way of interacting with each other. But those are all extras, like the subtle adult jokes you find in cartoons. The whole point of the Books of the Nomes is to make 10-year-old kids laugh. And on that level, this book is an absolute winner.

Read it to revive your inner child, to relive that joy with the world and that sense of adventure. But read it with an open mind and don't look too deep into it. Accept this story for what it's telling you and you'll have a very enjoyable experience.

The Carpet People

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: April 27th, 2016

Book closed: April 29th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

This is Sir Terry's very first published novel, written when he was just a tiny Terry, only 17 years old. But it reads like a grown-up story, like any fantasy novel. The Lord of the Rings it is not (yet), but we're definitely talking Hobbit-level storytelling here. This is an epic undertaking for a 17-year-old, even if it's only 181 pages long.

The story, as the title suggests, is about the people living in the average English carpet. They are tiny. According to the foreword, their largest city is this big ->. They live in houses made of carpet hairs, they dig into the underlay, their precious materials are gathered from what the humans drop onto the carpet. Not that they know about humans or anything that goes on up there, they're hardly aware there is an up there to begin with. This world within the carpet is so intricately woven (excuse the pun) and so truly believable and imaginative that you get lost in it immediately. This is one of those dive-into-and-never-get-out-books and I only wish it had been longer, like epicly longer.

PTerry was only 17 when he wrote this, so the social commentary wasn't as loud yet, but if you know where to look, it is definitely there. There is a war brewing and somebody suggests the women flee and hide and stay safe. To which another tribe protests, because their women always fight alongside the men. Long story short, the women train in secret and get to join the battles in the end and then this exchange happens:

""Excuse me," said one of the women. "Er. I am Lady Cerilin Vortex. Widow of the late Major Vortex?" [...] "I'm sure we're very ... um ... grateful that you have assisted," said Bane, awkwardly. "We haven't assisted, we've taken part," said Lady Vortex sharply."

That is such an important sentiment and I'm choosing to believe that that was already in PTerry-17's book and not just an addition from the older wiser version of the man. If any of you own a first edition of this book and know better, please don't burst my bubble on this.

I love this story for the imagination, for the easter egg hunt after the little nuggets of recognition. I love spotting the human artifact before it is explicitly explained. But it also a great adventure and a wonderful story to get lost in. This too could very easily have become its own series, just on the huge world still left to explore.

There are a few nit-picky tiny details that pulled me out of the story a little, though. Sometimes the height thing gets muddled. Our heroes get lifted onto a penny and marvel at the view over the carpet hairs where earlier they were able to hide between the hairs underneath a half burnt match-stick. And I'm left wondering what weird type of carpet has hairs shorter than the thickness of a penny but at the same time longer than the thickness of a match. Also, the carpet people know that mountains on the large bronze island they call The High Gate Land are letters that spell out On Epen Ny:

"On Epen Ny. It's written on the Land. Huge metal letters. I've seen pictures. It'd take you all day just to walk around one letter."

How has anybody seen pictures of this? If you're that tiny, how in the name of all that is etcetera did you find out these HUGE mountains spell out anything? Did you invent space flight? And it gets worse:

"The Vortgorns used to say there's letters under the Land, too. They dug tunnels and found them. Some of them say [...] I ZABETH II."

Nope. I get that this is fun to include in your story and I get why this is exciting for the reader. It was exciting for me. But no, you can't establish their largest city is the size of a punctuation mark and then tell me they can read the letters on a penny. How can they even recognize them as letters? Why would they develop the same alphabet?

But these little stumbling blocks are tiny and sparse, so if you're not a huge pedant like me, you'll be able to just roll with it and thoroughly enjoy this story. I promise you'll never look at a carpet the same way again. So if you're uncomfortable with the idea of tiny critters, maybe don't read this book. Or do and then promptly get rid of all your carpets.

The Unadulterated Cat

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: April 26th, 2016

Book closed: April 26th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

This is so weird. This is one of those humor-books; one of those books you buy for that friend-of-a-friend whose birthday party you’ve inexplicably been invited to and whom you know very little about. One of those “I don’t know you that well, but I know you play golf so here’s Golf Tips: How to Succeed in Golf Without Really Trying” or “I don’t really know you, but I know you’re starting college, so here’s 1001 Things Every College Student Needs to Know: (Like Buying Your Books Before Exams Start)” type of books.

This book is for the cat-owning-acquaintance in your life and you’d be surprised by how entertained they’ll be. I actually laughed out loud multiple times while reading this and I don’t even own a cat. It’s quintessentially British and adorably funny. The purpose of the book supposedly is the re-popularization of the Real Cat, the cat that owns you, the cat that isn’t the cat in the commercials. It is written from the point of view of the Chairman of the Board of the Campaign for Real Cats and that in itself is funny. The footnotes, especially the one about one of the Campaign’s members’ St.Bernard, are hilarious and the whole thing is just a treasure. It is illustrated by the illustrious Gray Jolliffe of Wicked Willie-fame. The whole thing is just surreal.

I have tried to find why this book was written in the first place, but I can’t find anything. Nobody seems to know. Which led met to develop several theories about this book:

It was written in the other trouser-leg of time and the legs got twisted in the wash and this book accidentally ended up in our timeline.

It was brought here together with the Berenstein-people.

It was written by a totally different Terry Pratchett and accidentally included in Sir Terry’s bibliography and nobody has gotten around to fixing that yet.

Sir Terry got into a car accident and was nursed back to health by a crazy cat-lady-fan of his who forced him to write this book in exchange for his freedom (and yes, that is the plot to Stephen King’s Misery, but it’s as good a guess as any)

However and why-ever this book came into being, you need to read and own it. Buy yourself a copy, it’s still in print. Heck, buy two, one for yourself and one for that cat-loving acquaintance whose dinner party you didn’t really want to go to but now have an excuse to attend. Don’t be insulted if the book ends up on the shelf in the bathroom next to the crapper, though. That is exactly where this book belongs and, come to think of it, that’s where the most re-read books live. So it’s actually an honor to find your gift there.

The book is hilarious and I’m really glad Sir Terry got uproariously drunk with Gray Jolliffe and they got matching tattoos, dyed their hair green and persuaded Orion to print this book (what? Do you have a better theory as to how this book happened?), because without that I’d have never known that Sir Terry’s cat was named Oedipuss. Oedipuss… You gotta love the man.

Strata

By Terry Pratchett

Book opened: April 23rd, 2016

Book closed: April 24th, 2016

Summary here and links to other, better reviews here.

Thexscha’s thoughts:

Yes, I read these books the wrong way around. They exist in my mind as "Strata-and-The-Dark-Side-of-the-Sun", all one entity, so that's how I read them. Only to find out when I started writing this that The Dark Side of the Sun came out 5 years before this book. Oops.

When people say that Strata and The Dark Side of the Sun (TDSotS from now on) are the precursors to the Discworld series, they are probably thinking more of Strata. As I've pointed out, TDSotS shows little relation to the Disc, but in this book at least the Disc is mentioned:

"'Some humans used to believe the world was flat and rested on the backs of four elephants,' said Silver. 'Yeah?' said Kin. 'What did the elephants stand on?' 'A giant turtle, swimming endlessly through space.' Kin tasted the idea. 'Stupid,' she said. 'What did the turtle breathe?' 'Search me. It's your racial myth.'"

Strata is about Kin Arad, a 200+-year old human woman who builds planets for the Company. She is approached by a mysterious man who tells her he's found a flat earth and that he can make her rich beyond her wildest dreams. The story itself isn't that remarkable; it's an adventure set in outer space. What makes it remarkable is what makes any Pratchett story remarkable: the social commentary. In this case Sir Terry aimed his ire at racism and colonialism, both in real life and in science fiction:

"He sighed. 'We have been around humans too long, you and I,' he said. 'We have been tainted by their madnesses.' 'I thought you were brought up on Earth? Are you not legally human?' 'My race papers are up there in the rest of the ship. Big deal.' Silver grunted. 'Consider yourself a cosmospolitan, then.' 'What does that really mean, my friend?' 'It means the voluntary subjugation of one's racial awareness in the light of the basic unity of sapient kind.' Marco growled. 'It doesn't mean that at all. It means that we learn to speak languages that monkey tongues can handle, and we get along in their world. Ever see a human act like a shand, or a kung?'"

That is the Pratchett we know and love. The book is thick with these things, once you know what to look for. The first time I read this book I wasn't used to Sir Terry's subtle sense of humor yet, but rereading this now almost everything seems layered with double and triple meanings. There's an obnoxious 'joke' in here, for instance, that Kin "can survive by engaging any male humans in sexual congress if necessary." It never gets to that point, nor is there any indication that it ever would. But there's this recurring joke and just a tad too much gratuitous nudity on the part of Kin, nevertheless. The first time I read it, I was rolling my eyes at this. Now I think this was Sir Terry's way of rolling his eyes at most other sci-fi adventures' take on the role of women.

And that is exactly why I hate the cover art for this book. It was done by Josh Kirby and I feel he completely missed the mark. Firstly, both aliens are depicted far more ugly and fearsome looking than the book ever describes them. In the book you're comfortable with them, because Kin is so comfortable with them. They are different, sure, but they are beautiful and real and normal too. On the cover they are hardly recognizable as friendly and you wonder if Mr. Kirby actually read the book before making the cover art. Secondly, and this made me even pissier, Kin is over 200 years old. She is regal and elegant. Nowhere is she described as a young sexkitten with HUGE breasts and wearing skin-tight and revealing outfits. When the color of her skin is described (twice in the whole book) she is either jet-black or silver colored, never rosy-cheeked and alabaster skinned. This isn't Barbarella.

But the cover art is the only offensive thing about this book, everything else is magical. Sir Terry came up with some very clever alien-differences-related problems that are even more cleverly resolved and if you enjoyed The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, you'll recognize a certain feel to the solution for the different dietary requirements. I suggest you read this book (but don't forget to read TDSotS first), if only to find the origin of Ankh-Morpork's most famous pub:

The bar was called The Broken Drum. 'Why?' she asked the kung behind the bar. Saucereyed he fixed her with the bland stare of barmen everywhere. 'You can't beat it,' he said."