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thewonderingwanderer1-blog · 7 years

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Feel Free to read.. But its not for you, its for me.

Thoughts:

Never have I attempted to put my thoughts down on paper before, so heres to trying new things.

I am not an experienced writer, and I will not be editing or revising what I write. As these words are my thoughts as they come out on paper. I apologize in advance for spelling mistakes, tangents, missed points, and just general verbal diarrhoea.

Currently I am sitting in a portable housing trailer, that I believe was at one point a portable classroom for an elementary school. The trailer has since been repurposed for staff accommodation on a cattle station in the Australian outback. What an unusual place to find ones self, especially when the place you call home currently has snow falling on the ground, but is 15000km away, and not only is in a whole other time zone, but because of the dramatic time change, does usual not even share the same day.

Now, what lead me here? Its hard to say. From a young age I have always felt a certain disconnect from the way others see the world. Maybe this is normal? Maybe not? But regardless I have always had the feeling inside of being a lone wolf. Which if you were to meet me you might not ever suspect that. I admit I do, to some extent hide behind my outward enthusiasm and friendliness, but don’t we all?

How many of us feel lost in a world of people that are trying their hardest to seem like they have never been lost at all? How many others feel like keeping up with north american cultural norms and expectations is like trying to swim up a river that is much too strong?

So why do we live life in such a way?

These are the start of many questions I would like to answer for myself, after all, that is what my writing here today, and in the future is for. Me, not you…If this so happens to be read by anyone but myself.

I grew up in a house hold of Four sisters, a mom and a dad. Me, being my fathers only son was brought up in a world where I was quite literally the odd man out. Do I think that’s a bad thing? No. But it for sure contributed to me becoming the extroverted introvert wolf I am today. It also gave me the instinct to become a protector. From a young age I daydreamed about being a soldier in the armed forces, altho my mother forbade that as a career decision. So instead at the age of 17 I decided to become a firefighter. Which has been the best and worst choice I have ever made, but we will dig into that more a little later.

Growing up as a boy with four sisters is a unique upbringing. I believe it taught me, compassion, sympathy, empathy, diplomacy and understanding. After all, girls are very challenging to navigate, wether they are your sisters, or the woman that you love. Once again, there will be more on that later.

Don’t want to get lost here.. Australia, Why am I here? Many reasons, the ones on the surface are the easiest to list, so I will pick up with that.

Firstly, Lately I have been feeling lost in the cultural expectations of the developed world. In my eyes those are as follows - Career - money - Car - House - Wife - Kids - Material Possessions

I seem to be good at failing at all of these.. Why? Because im not sure I want them. Yet, why is there a stigma that if you don’t have all of these things you are unsuccessful? Like yes, wife and kids are kind of important for the survival of our species, and to be honest if I bump into a like minded woman who I fall in love with than who knows, but still? Why is it a race to get these things? Its no wonder divorce rates are so high!

But yes, I am running away from those things, at least till I make up my mind about what I want.

Because what scares me is to some extent I do want them, but the rat race? Really?

I put so much pressure on myself to seem successful in the eyes of others, could be an ego thing, but more importantly I think we now live in a world that we are so disconnected from ourselves and from others that all we have left is our image!

Wheres our community? Our true connection to other people without prejudice and judgement?

And most of all, our compassion?

I know it is out there somewhere.

But for now I will continue looking for it. Mainly within myself, I have removed myself from my comfort zone and am now in the middle of nowhere in an environment that quite literally wants to kill me. No Friends no family, just me.

Im out here looking for myself, my reasons, my hope, my dreams and my future.

Im calling, im digging, im screaming at the top of my lungs

Will I answer?

Will I Find anything?

#firstpost #new thoughts forme meonpaper likeminds? blog blogstart

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