"Paint me a poem" she said

Her voice is like a hymn 

(for those with no religion)

Sculpting her words  

Into a melody that he couldn't hear

The reply, "of course love"

He destroyed her

And in the wake of her destruction

She said,

"thank you." 

attention is the drug I want to OD on

don’t forget me don’t forget me don’t forget me 

I just need space

and you

funny how that works

my mind is trying to potray me as the monster I was scared of my entire life, that’s why I keep myself anonymous.

I hope one day you’ll find this.

and you’ll understand.

I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t I don’t I don’t

but 

you’re hurting me

yet you’re doing nothing but trying to unpick the dirty stitches and replace them with new ones

but

it doesn’t feel right

i’m not used to this kind of pain

the kind where you know it’ll be okay after.

when all you’ve known is hurt you’re drawn to hurt others, unconsciously or consciously.  you start to forget and lose yourself and all you know is pain and as they say- 

sharing is caring,

right?

store yourself in me all of your dreams and ambitoms and trust be a friend and watchthe lightshine in my eyes till ya realize it was justa reflection + a mirage and everything was really just black taking your promises and threadin them into lies in the factory that resides in my head each stitch + perfectly  woven + a ratted blanket over flowers that bloomed in your heart plucked and ripped out and you think you’re to blame. and you think you’re the bad one don’t you? tucked in your bed soaked with the emotion dripped + escaped down your eyes that were the so called windows to your soul -- if they were windows why didn’t people see? were they stained? were the cutains drawn? ask yourself questions that you’ll never get the answer to. my eyes were a reflection after all - right? so maybe you were seeing the black of my soul and I was seeing the lightning in your eyes.

I wasn’t meant for friends. not really. always wanted too much yet everything felt like too little, the glass was overfilling with your love and I screamed and demanded and manipulated you for more, more because there were more cups -right? it’s true, you know, I heard it in a song once “ i’m no good to anyone, cause all I care about is being number one” I think that realtes to me. I can’t handle the people stapled onto my heart to let words slip out of their mouth that was directed to other people, it always had to be me, consuming and consuming ‘till there was nothing elft but skin bones and blood, no guts right? cause apparently ya used them all when you started being friends with me. the reality was that I hunted. I was a wolf stalking it’s prey, a lone one, looking for the perfect rabbit - one with no strings tied around their heart so tightly leading to another heart beating just as fast -one with blood that was shared but as thin as the lies I told, they had to be rootless. so I could be the one, the one who promised to plant trees when in reality there was no soil.