I am so sorry Nora.

Yea I honestly get no vibes back, it really feels one sided. Continued pursuit will only drain more of my mental health and well being. I don’t have what it takes to win Kelly’s heart. I give up.

man I know she doesn’t feel the same way and that’s what sucks. Maybe if I keep trying, but honestly I should just take the L.

it’s been a week since Nora died. Still sucks ass. She was in my dream today. Didn’t wanna wake up. Slept for 11 hours. Kinda needed it since mother’s day was yesterday and the restaurant was so busy. I’m still so sorry she passed. I hate that doctor for convincing my mum and I to put her to sleep. If I had more courage, we would’ve brought her home so she can spend her days with the other cats and not be so alarmed that I just pulled her from behind the tv, stuffed her in a cage, brought her to an unfamiliar vet office where they put her to sleep and I wasn’t there in her final moments.

just want to be happy, why is that so hard

gotta love the dividends!

my original three baby girls, Mabuhay, Polly, and Nora.

favorite pic of Nora climbing the xmas tree

First Disney adventure together.

Glad to see Kuya Karl for the first time in 6 years. Even if it was only for 20 minutes meeting up at the mall. Great to see this wonderful soul and laugh like no time had passed.

Snaggletooth Marko

rest in peace Nora.

She was put to sleep today. I took her the vet because I wanted to save her. Not this. She had respiratory distress, pale gums, loss of appetite, lost weight. She was suffering. This was so hard. I am emotionally compromised. This was the first pet death I had to deal with. She coded and they had to put her down in the next room. I wasn’t there when she passed.

This was my fault. If I gave her medicine when she was attacked by fleas or even just gave her a collar to prevent them. Maybe she wouldn’t get sick? Nora I am so sorry. You’re in cat heaven with all the catnip, shredded friskies, and food to live a happy afterlife. You lived a good 14 years. I’ll miss you so much.

Also life update.

Yea I kicked ass as an Olive Garden server. I became a certified trainer and have trained 15+ newbies how to be a great server. Today I just finished my training as a bartender. They asked me 4 times. I finally said yes. I enjoy working there. My coworkers enjoy my presence, respect me, and trust that I’m a good teammate.

I joined TradePhantoms, which is like this trading community to teach me to become a better trader. Mr Black is so knowledgeable and I’m sure I will only improve.

My cancer is still present, but not as much. I’ve been kicking its butt. Been getting more vitamin D and working out more. Doing 100 push ups a day with Ryan.

I bought a Disney annual pass to go with Kelly more. I like myself when I’m with her. I love listening to her stories and she makes my heart feel full. I almost forgot what it’s like for that thing in my chest to just beat.

I don’t want to be afraid of love anymore.

eh since I already posted that last bit, i should update my life a little. I got the job at Olive Garden. I went to EDC Las Vegas. The family reunion was a huge success. I got promoted to Certified trainer at OG. Kept playing the Sims. I still felt unhappy. Didn’t find any love. I’m applying for a digital marketing bootcamp for a quality of life change.

I made 20k in 2023 which is better than most recent years, but I need more. I need to do better. I want to be masipag. Dedicated. Driven. Diligent. Hardworking.

please let this change my life for the better

finally i can rest. personally, these leagues was a great incentive to using duolingo, but ultimately take away from the learning experience because you care more about what yields the most xp in the shortest time rather than the lessons themselves, but now I can just learn.