the best written characters of all time :

“Girls want a Superman, but they walk past a Clark Kent every day”

You fuckin CLOWNS think you’re a CLARK KENT? Not on my fuckin watch. You dumb, headass motherfuckers are barely a Guy Gardner and you think you’re a CLARK KENT? The amount of disrespect is unreal.

If Westeros had a picture book to teach preschoolers the house sigils and words, Eric Carle would write and illustrate it. Inspired by Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

i’m 101% sure that this entire line was improv and tom couldn’t help it

this bitch empty

YEET

what was this show

only true minnesotans will understand

Physical books should come with ‘digital download’ codes so you can have an ebook copy too.

when you tryna chill but your siblings love annoyin you

remember when we had to get out of bed to get on the internet

ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum

yall out here still pretending anime characters are hot? tch…