theoctopusramen-blog
Hi I'm Theo
And this is my page. Your unsolicited opinion is not welcomed.
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In loneliness, the lonely one eats himself; in a crowd, the many eat him. Now choose.
Friedrich Nietzsche (via quotemadness)
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Norwegian Wood
Yes, the title does refer to both The Beatles’ song and Haruki Murakami’s novel.
I recently listen to The Beatles’ songs a lot, even though it still limited to the popular ones such as Norwegian Wood (obviously), Blackbird, and Something; but those songs speaks to me in spiritual level, no joking. Just when I feel a little bit rough or need some comforting, I will listen to a set of playlist with those songs in it and I will feel better.
Yes, I also read Haruki Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. In fact, I have just finished reading it after the God forsaken two years. Two years! It was such a long time to finish one short novel. I knew this novel when I took an interest to Kiko Mizuhara, the actress who roled as Naoko in the movie version of Murakami’s work and saw a screenshot with such a deep quotation. Heck, I couldn’t recall what the quotation was but I remember the way it moved me. That is when I start to look more about Norwegian Wood, and I finally decided to buy the novel.
I struggled a lot during reading his work. I have spent less and less time to read literary works as the year goes by, and I also have something about the novel which held me to finish the novel at once. Believe me, I was the type of person who could read one single Dan Brown’s novel in half a day! But I struggled a lot to read this short and simple literature.
It was because I deeply relate with Naoko, the female lead in the story.
Well now, I’m warning you, if you have not ready his work. Except if you don’t mind with spoilers, you are not welcomed to proceed.
So. The story started simply with three bestfriends living in Kobe; Kizuki, Toru, and Naoko. Toru and Naoko were lovers, and also bestfriends, along with Toru. In the 17th year of their lives, Kizuki decided to suicide. It left a deep wound for Toru and Naoko, their lives were never the same again.
Sure they go on with their lives. Toru and Naoko became lovers, even. They continued their studies, going to university, but somewhere in year one or two, Naoko disappeared from the city live of Tokyo, making Toru lost all his shits. Apparently, Naoko is rehabilitated in a serene facility in Kyoto mountains.
Naoko was beautiful, and was broken.
Toru loved her and kept on waiting for her, of course. He continued with his boring life as a college student, befriended the playboy Nagasawa, and eventually met a girl namely Midori.
“Naoko was only ash, and Midori was a real flesh in front of him.” Or so, as far as I could remember. (I am not the type to read things twice, okay.)
Sure Toru loved Midori, but there will always be “big open untouched space” which always reserved for Naoko. Even when she did not in love with him. Their relationship were complicated like that.
Naoko’s condition is also worsening that she had to be transferred to actual hospital. But when she actually shown improvement in her clinical condition, she decided to end her life too.
I wouldn’t lie if I cried when I figured it out. The way Murakami narrating the story makes me feel as if I am Toru himself. As if I was the one who have been told that the one I always longing for is no longer the part of this world. As if I was the one who travelled around Japan like a beggar for a solid month just to relieve myself from the pain, yet never been able to do so.
In the end, Reiko (Naoko’s friend from the facility in Kyoto) “crashed” his apartment in Tokyo and gave him advice to move on with his life. And he finally did; he decided to talk it out with Midori and live happily with what he had.
I still get choked on the throat remembering the story, it feels so real to me. Maybe it was a knowledge to some that I went through several depression lately, the huge one was two years ago or so where I even thought to end my life. No one could understand what kind of pain I went through, no one would know what it feels like to have the desired to be wanted yet you know you could not open up because you are broken. You are one heck of imperfect flesh. You are twisted on the head. But I went through it. I got that again few weeks ago, but I went through it. I live my life, I win.
I don’t know what the heck I am doing, writing like this on 2AM with my throat choked with rather-cheery jazz music playing on my Spotify. Maybe I just want to tell anyone--just anyone who read this--what I felt. Also I am sorry for shutting people out of my world, I just need to sort things out.
PS: i don’t even edit this post. I never liked editing my blog posts lol.
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Quote
The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky (via quotemadness)
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I pray that you find love in the depths of your sadness, because once you do, there’s no looking back.
Alex Elle (via quotemadness)
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Oh, so because you're slightly disabled it gives you the privilege of being an asshole? Consider that I am kind enough to ~just~ softblocking and refusing to talk to you in a still-civil-yet-not-very-friendly-manner.
To that one friend who mock my depression AND talk shit about my university right in front of my face.
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And again.
It was just days ago when one of my kitten, Chichoo, passed away. It was one of the roughest days of my life but I’ve been through so many shitty days so I managed to be okay at the end of the day.
Chichoo maybe only with me just for some moments but she already give me a lot of memories to be remembered on. She was one of the loudest kitten I ever had. One of her front legs was infected when she was just weeks old--of course we got it cleaned out through surgery but she was too smart for her own good that she manage to pull the stitch of the wound open and her flesh is on show. She’s noisy, yes, but she was not complaining about her wounded leg.
And then one day she just not here anymore. (My housekeeper buried it without noticing me first--which is good, or I will be weeping)
And then today, her twin--the sassy Jennie--is dying too. She was the quiet of the two and normally untouchable--but these days she is very clingy with me. Her eyes are somehow getting blind, and tonight, I don’t see the chance that she will be able to see the sun tomorrow.
People will say “It’s just kitten, you can buy another one,” and yadda yadda but I love cats and I will always romanticize every cat and kitten I’ve lost. I will always remember Chichoo, Jennie, Taehyung, Joonie, Jimmy, Miki, Lulu, and other cats and kittens, named or nameless, that ever crossed path with me. Heck, I might treasure them more than most of humans.
This post is written specially for Jennie, who is fighting tonight. Hope to see you again someday, bub.
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