themysterious-sense
The Never Ending Story
i write. i read. i sketch. i paint. i snap photos. from the river to the sea đľđ¸
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Sister: âAre you okay? You can tell me everything.â
Me: âI donât know what happen. My heart feels so tight. I canât explain to you. Itâs too much. Itâs overwhelming. Only God knows.â
And I started to cry.
And we cried together.
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I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back. I want myself back.
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Am I happy? No Iâm not happy at all. I just pretend to be happy.
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Berhenti membandingkan hidupmu dengan kehidupan orang lain.
Kita tidak pernah tau ujian & cobaan berat apa yg sedang atau pernah mereka lalui.
Karena seseorang yg selalu tampak bahagia juga pernah merasakan terpuruk & terjatuh dalam masalah yg begitu berat.
Jadi hendaknya kita saling menyayangi, semoga Allah pun menyayangi kita.
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Aku tidak ahli dalam menunjukkan perasaan asliku. Tapi untuk perihal memalsukannya, itu adalah suatu kelebihan yang ku miliki.
Tau gunung berapi, kan?
Yup, terkadang aku merasa aku ini adalah gunung berapi yang sampai saat ini belum dapat menumpahkan laharnya.
Perasaan tersembunyi itu seakan terpasung dalam ragaku, yang sampai saat ini belum bisa ku bebaskan.
Aku bukanlah aku.
Sejujurnya aku ini... merindukan diriku yang sebelumnya. Aku rindu mendengar gelegar asli tawaku. Aku rindu nada bicara asliku ketika sedang berbual. Aku rindu tingkah konyolku sendiri. Aku rindu mengumbar keceriaan di hadapan orang-orang, dan masih banyak lagi.
Aku tidak pernah tau kapan gunung ini akan meletus. Oke, dalam kata lain, aku ini tidak akan pernah tau kapan perasaan ini akan termuntahkan.
Tapi yang pasti, aku rindu aku. Aku merindukan rumah. Aku mau pulang. Secepatnya.
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When I say I miss the old him that means I really mean it. But sadly, he never take it seriously :(
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Am I happy? â No, I donât think so.
Do I cry a lot? â Yes, secretly.
Am I good enough? â No Iâm not.
Do I love him? â Yes.
Does he love me? â
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We were in a dining room, sitting in silence. I was writing my new story for Wattpad, as I realised that he peeked at the story right in front of me.
I directly locked my phone and gazed at him with what-the-hell-are-you-doing look.
He asked me why he cannot read it. And I said, âI donât like it. I donât want you to read my story. Because when you do, that means you read my mind.â
He was quiet for a moment, until he nodded at meâshowing that he agreed with my statement.
I donât like it when he can read my mind. And surprisingly, he doesnât like it either.
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I was reading my book when I realised he was just staring at me. Yes, justâstaring.
I glanced to the left and scanned his face for a moment. "What?" I asked.
âNothing, I just want to see you," he replied. "Watching you reading."
âŚ
âonce upon a time, in Singapore, 2022â
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Books, eat, repeat.
Books, eat, repeat.
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Kalau saja aku bisa hidup di dunia fiksi yang ku buat sedemikian rupa indahnya, aku lebih memilih terjun ke dalam karakter itu ketimbang harus menjadi diriku yang sebenarnya.
âThe Perfect Escape
A story from Wattpad.
Chapter 5 : The Day We Meet
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Aku mengambil salah satu buku dari penulis favoritku, lalu ia pun menghampiri. "Fiction?" tanyanya.
Aku menoleh. "Iya, fiction."
Thunder mengambil salah satu buku yang ada di sana, lalu membaca sepenggal tulisan di bagian punggung buku itu.
"Itu bagus," kataku.
Ia pun menoleh. "Romance, ya?"
Aku mengangguk sembari memeluk tiga buku novel yang akan ku beli. Membaca buku adalah hal favoritku ketika sedang mandi di bathtub. Dan tiga buku ini akan menjadi teman baikku selama beberapa minggu ke depan nanti.
"Iya, romance. Ehm... tapi cowok jarang ada yang baca romance, kan, ya," kataku dengan sebuah tawa.
Thunder tersenyum. "Hmm⌠belum pernah baca romance sih," katanya.
Aku tertawa. "It's nice," kataku, "aku suka ceritanya."
Ia mengangguk, lalu meletakkan balik buku itu ke tempat semula. "Kenapa suka fiksi?"
Senyumku terus memudar. Pertanyaan itu adalah pertanyaan paling termudah yang mungkin pernah orang tanyakan padaku. Aku cukup percaya diri untuk mengungkapkan unek-unekku iniâmeskipun di hadapan seorang Thunderâseorang lelaki asing yang belum ku kenal sama sekali.
âKarena fiksi itu lebih baik ketimbang dunia nyata," jawabku dengan sebuah tawa, tanpa pikir panjang lagi. "Karakternya pun aku yakin jauh lebih baik daripada manusia nyata."
Aku melanjutkan, âAda sensasi tersendiri ketika aku baca suatu karya fiksi. Salah satunya adalah aku kayak berada di dalam dunia itu. Bahkan jadi karakter utama dalam cerita fiksi itu. Dan jujur, aku lebih suka mendalami karakter di sebuah suatu cerita. Daripada mendalami karakter diriku sendiri.â Suaraku mengecil di kalimat akhir.
Ia mengangkat kedua alisnya. "Wow."
âWowâ adalah respon pertama yang keluar dari mulutnya.
Aku tertawa lalu membalik badanku, ingin segera menuju kasir. "Iya," kataku. "Reality itu sometimes enggak sesuai dengan apa yang kita mau."
Aku meletakkan tiga bukuku di atas meja kasir. "Pathetic," bisikku kali ini.
Thunder terlihat tercengang ketika mendengar kalimatku. Tapi ku sadar bahwa ia juga mengangguk minim dengan senyum yang terbentang luas.
"Thank you," ucapku pada pegawai kasir.
Kami kembali berjalan.
Aku melihat ia yang menghinggapkan salah satu tangannya di salah satu kocek. Sementara satu tangannya lagi, masih senantiasa menenteng belanjaannya yang ia bawa hari ini.
"I agree with you," ucapnya secara tiba-tiba.
Aku mengernyit. "Apa?"
Ia menolehku lalu tersenyum. "Reality is pathetic," katanya. "So pathetic, Sky."
Aku tertawa dan menyetujuinya. "So so pathetic!"
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Pada akhirnya, orang yang mencintaiku adalah diriku sendiri. Bukan kamu, bukan dia, bukan mereka.
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đBugis, Arab St - Singapore
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Dear diary,
â˘â˘â˘
I was pretty young by that time. I remember I was lying on the bed, looking up my arms with confusion. Something was bothering my head. Bothering my mind.
And then I started to whisper myself, "What are these?" I moved my tiny little fingers side to side. Flipped it, twisted it, and then I smiled.
I know for sure they were my hand, my both hands. But I was just wondering, thinking, why did God chose me to be born? Did He ask me first if I want to be born?
Why am I alive?
That was my childhood thoughts.
Now Iâm 25 years old. And I'm still wondering, why am I here? Why me? Why was I born in this world?
Am I worth enough to be here? In this planet?
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My favourite place in Singapore is always Bugis.
I stopped here just to have my favourite ice cream and chill. But poor me, the store has been closed permanently :(
But thatâs okay. Still enjoying the vibe though. I ended up with having a slice of tiramisu cake in a hot sunny day đ¤
(February 23, 2022)
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