Made a lil coloring book page and sewed a blanket to match for a cousin's son

Here they are! I got some big ideas coming with these two and I just wanted to get some proper refs made before I go ham lmao

Sorry for the ramblin

Welp, I guess it's time for another dumb journal from me. I've been really dealing with a lot of things and changes these last couple years and I think I'm finally starting to realize my life is shifting.

It's hard to like, I dunno, but when you've been online for 20 years it's kind of wild. For me, I guess it felt like I had to keep doing the same things and the same ideas and be the same person, but that's impossible.

My brain cannot words right now lmao

Anyhoot, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really need to just change and not be scared to change. The things I did 10 years ago, I don't have to keep forcing myself to do them just to appease others. I've let my art suffer so much trying to do what I think people want me to do between raffles and fanart and all sorts of things, challenges, etc.

This past month has been the worst month of my entire life, I literally thought I was gonna die a couple times because of how my body reacted to medicines and stuff. Still don't know what's wrong with me, thyroid stuff, but I think it really kick started my mind into looking back at things.

Like, why did I miss out on so many things because I tried to do projects I had no time for? Then, when I didn't do them in the time I wanted, I guilt tripped myself over and over and put on even more new projects in hopes that I'd do those instead.

I am rambling lmao I don't even care though. I guess I just want to get it all out there, to whoever, why you're reading this who knows. Life is funny that way, ain't it?

But yeah, I just need to start actually letting go of things and move on to new things. I'm tired of trying to pretend I'm into the Skylanders fandom this much. Like, I love the charaters and I love the memories, but this current state of the fandom is so toxic and it really shows. I don't want to be so involved anymore. I'm tired of running my AskSkylandersCynder blog, if you can even call it running anymore. I made that thing 10 years ago and the last 4 years I just don't have any interest, even though I force myself to. It really was the best thing I did at that time but I just need to let it be.

All those challenges and Inktobers and other things, I tried to force myself to do those for other people, not for myself. I just need to stop doing this man, I miss just drawing just because. I guess from the constant moving around in life and being around terrible people irl made me want to hold on to the ideas that I'm helping others online with my art when it probably didn't even do anything.

I'm just tired. And I'm done being tired, I dunno what this second wind is that I got this month but I'm not gonna lose it this time.

I'm still into all my fandoms and stuff of course, and I'm still going to make art for other people. Don't even get my started on Art Fight lmao you better believe I'm aiming for 100 pictures this year. But I'm done forcing myself to feel like I HAVE to do these things. No more to do lists, no more holding onto old projects, no more trying to keep up with things that should have just ended by now.

I just wanna live my life man, I just wanna draw. I never cared about the numbers, hell I've had pageviews and stats adblocked for years now, I really don't care about those. What I care about is making people happy by drawing their characters and drawing their favorite characters. I don't want to be famous, I don't wanna be tied down, I just wanna draw. And I wanna see your art too. I love all the characters and concepts and just ugh I love it, I don't know why.

I wanna be what I wanna be.

I'm definitely done rambling now. Usually I feel bad about it but I just don't care anymore. I'm gonna go work on art now lmao I hope you guys are all doing awesome, and maybe you can figure out life too. Edit: I had some more thinking after posting this while cleaning the house. I also realized that this mindset I put on myself is what made me get so distant from people too. I got too overwhelmed at trying to keep up with so many things that it made me essentially start time travelling where I didn't even consider things existed until they were in front of my face. I've lost touch with so many people out of shame between not remembering and going "tomorrow, for sure." I want to change that too. I shouldn't have let a few bad people ruin everything for me. I got scared of commenting on art because of a few people that didn't deserve my time, lashing out at me for not saying what they wanted to hear. I also got scared of just not fitting in. I have so many compliments and things I wanted to tell people for years but I was just too scared to and I hate that. I'm going to start being more social again with that. I feel like that made me look stuck up or something, I dunno. I'm just so afraid of hurting people about anything when in reality I bet it doesn't even bother them at all. Like how messed up did I have to become that me giving someone a compliment terrifies me into thinking I might ruin their day lmao help

I haven't animated on paper yet so I thought I'd change that lmao

Art for Cenbes

I wanted a new journal and I found this cool moon book but it was kinda bare so I drew on it with some silver sharpie.

A birthday present for Ingeir_Palar!

delicious lamp yum yum :)

Inspired by a incorrect quote from @theleatherdragon

Skytober day 4: Air

Skytober day 3: Earth