May 7th, 2021- My Surgery Info

I’m back!  It has been a little while since I have written.  Mostly because, well, life.  Life is busy and chaotic.  Also, it’s been mostly uneventful the past year with COVID.  However, the positive of that is that I have just been able to be spending time with Scarlett. And my blog was mostly about my journey to getting Scarlett.  So I haven’t posted much else because we got her and that is the end (or new beginning) of that chapter.  This post sort of goes with that theme.

I am going to apologise in advance if something doesn’t make sense.  I am trying to watch as I go.  I am on high pain meds as I type this.  Why?  That is why I am updating.

***The short version- I had surgery today, May 7th, to remove my left ovary and tube.  When they got in there they were actually able to save the ovary and only took the tube.  They did send something to pathology, but he said it didn’t look “too bad”.  It was laparoscopic and I am home now recovering.  If you want to know more and what led to this, keep reading.

Full backstory:

I had been having pain.  Pain in my pelvic area since after Scarlett was born.  Obviously that is normal after growing a human and pushing it out down there.  SO I didn’t think anything of it.  6 months past, still had it, one year came so I mentioned it to my OB.  She said it really shouldve went away but since it’s getting better (and it was and less often) then it’s possible to just be leftover from that.

Well, it got less and less.  But, I would have flare ups.  And when it hurt, it hurt.  It was not just my pelvis, but my lower back, hips, groin, buttocks, etc.  So this didn’t seem like an OB issue.  I just let it go.  Until I randomly had a could of days that it flared up and I literally could not walk.  It was awful.  I thought maybe it was something I needed to see a chiropractor for.  BUT, I still believe whatever it was stemmed from giving birth.  So, FINALLY, I decided to call my OB.  Got the pap smear.  Came back normal.  But she ordered an ultrasound.  

So, on April 9, I went for the ultrasound.  Then I was supposed to discuss the results with my doctor in an hour.  Well, she got called away for a delivery.  So they set me up with a virtual consult with her the following Wednesday, April 14th.  

April 14th- Consult with my doctor.  She said there was “a lot going on in there”.  Some fibroids and small cysts that can be normal, blah blah, but she wasn't worried about them.  BUT, on the other side there was a huge cyst.  About 5-6 cm, so 2.5 inches.  She was a little concerned about the size, but what most concerned her was that it had “several small nodules with vascularity”.  So normally cysts are fluid filled.  Women have them all the time and don’t know.  The body normally absorbs them.  But they can get big, they can rupture or burst.  I have had one burt before (multiple times) and that is THE WORST pain I have had in my life.  It landed me in the ER three times.  AWFUL.  If you know you know.  Then came the words… I am referring you to a gynecological oncologist/surgeon.  We need this out and it will need to be tested.  Beyond that, it is his expertise.  The Cancer Center will be calling you to set up an appointment.  That word is scary.  Cancer.  You hear it all the time, but it sounds different when it’s about you.  

I get home and I am still shocked, numb, but still not sure about anything.  Then I have to tell justin and of course he is very concerned.  And doing things he shouldn’t do (googling).

They call me the next day.  And set up an appointment April 27th.  That seemed so far away, but apparently we were expedited and that was quick.  The next two weeks were filled with so much mental exhaustion.  (Also, dealing with a TWO year old, and end of the year school stuff).  It was two weeks and thinking, and reading, and googling, and talking about the WHAT IFS.  You can’t help but let your mind wander.

Finally the consult came.  It didn’t give much more information.  Basically you can’t know anything until they go in and look.  Based on age, bloodwork, family history…. The textbook answer is that it is nothing.  Of course, we all know there are exceptions.  So it needed to come out.  They decided they needed to take the left ovary and tube.  Obviously the cyst would come out as well to be tested.  The more scary part is when he mentioned that once he gets in there, if it has spread then we may need to take more...the uterus, the other tube, and ovary, etc…  I want another baby, so this hit hard.  We left, still in shock and waiting for a call to schedule the surgery.  Went for ice cream, because…..ice cream.  While there we got the call.  May 7th.  

So the next two weeks were a lot of thinking and planning.  WHat do I do with and how will this affect taking care of Scarlett? How long can’t I work?  What if…? SO many thoughts.  Decided to take a full week off work.  I know it is laparoscopic but I still feel like I might need a week.  Writing 6 days of sub plans was the worst. And then lining up things with Scarlett.  Then Justin has to make some sacrifices with soccer to be home more and help with babysitter drop off and pick up.  I like to be in control of all of that.

  Then I asked about weight restrictions (in my mind it will be like 20 lbs for like a week or 2.  Imagine my shock when they tell me that recovery time is 2-6 weeks.  And lifting restrictions at 10 lbs for 6 weeks.  I immediately panicked.  FIrst , I had to run down to my boss and tell her.  Luckily she was really nice about it. Then, I was freaking out because I have a two year old that is 22 lbs.

So here we are, May 7th.  Had to get up at 4 am to drink some gatorade by 5.  We had to get to the hospital by 6.  My mom stayed the night to stay with Scarlett in the morning because the sitter doesn’t open til 7.  We get there, get registered and I go back for pre op.  Pretty uneventful.  I have never had surgery before so I was so scared.  Had to wash up, get undressed, get the IV started.  The anesthesiologist came in to talk.  The surgeon came in to talk. Then they whisked me back to the operating room around 7:45.

Being wheeled into the operating room was THE SCARIEST.  I started crying.  In my head I was like, why didn’t they put me to sleep before bringing me in there.  It was just a huge white, cold room, like you see on tv.  Just one little skinny metal table in the middle with the big metal lights and people rushing around to get ready.  The nurses were super nice and walked me through everything they were doing.  They had country music on.  This is how fast I was out...I have 2.5 songs that I remember.  They put me on the metal table then had to strap me down because it was so small.  Both arms were out and strapped and over my torso.  They told me they were gonna take good care of me and I was going to fall asleep and wake up in no time. BOOM

My surgery was scheduled to be from 8:00-10:00.

Next thing I am “waking up”  really just opening my eyes for a minute at I see a clock.  I was in recovery and it was only 9:00.  Nurse came in, said they actually only had to take the tube because the ovary was fine.  Since I want more kids, he left it.  And nothing else.  They did send the solid mass to pathology to be tested. We will know those results in two weeks.  I just have 3 small incisions.  One is a little bigger to get it out.  Then I fell back asleep until they brought Justin back at 9:30.  He said I was actually done at 8:35.  Then I was in and out 9:30-10:30.  At 10:30 they said I could get dressed whenever I felt like it and recover at home.  I literally thought I was going to be there til late afternoon/evening.  Also, because it ended up being less than they thought, they think they may be able to back my restrictions to only 2-3 weeks instead of 6. (driving, working, lifting), which is a relief.  I have to call him next week to ask.  And then he will have to evaluate me before he releases me to do that.  So, honestly, best case scenario.  I do feel a little guilty because I am so lucky when I know others aren’t.  But that just humbles me and makes me so very thankful.

Getting up was rough, dizziness, nausea, pain…..  So it took a while.  But by 11:40 we were on the road home.  The ride home was AWFUL.  I was sooo dizzy and thought I was going to vomit (but I didn’t).  Got home and ate because i was starving.  Then went to sleep (painful, but manageable).  Just woke up.  It is 4:30 ish.  Wanted to write this and then I can take pain meds again.

Justin went to get Scarlett.  I am worried about her wanting me to hold her.  But, it is only temporary.

*No idea if this was due to Ivf, but very possible. Still worth it. Even if they would’ve had to take everything, I’d do it all again to get Scarlett.

Scarlett Lynn’s Arrival

It was April 22nd, 2019.  We woke up early at 4:30 am.  So many emotions as we got ready, packed the car with our bags and headed to the hospital.  We arrived at 5:30 am, got put into a room and checked in.  They went ahead and started an IV.  Well, it took over an hour, finally got the IV started around 7am.  I have small, rolling veins.  It took 3 nurses and 6 sticks before they could get a vein.  I was 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced upon arrival.  So at 7 they started Pitocin at 2.  They could increase by 2 every half hour, up to 20 without calling the doctor.  The first couple hours were very uneventful. A lot of just waiting, I was having contractions but they weren’t painful.  Dr. Boyer came in and checked on us around 8:30 or so in the morning.  She said she would be back around 1pm to break my water.  Until then, we just waited and tried to let my body do what it needed to do to get to that point.  By noon, we were getting so anxious.  Both my mom and dad had arrived at this point.  Other than that just me and Justin.  I didn’t want anyone else in the delivery room other than Justin, but didn’t mind them in the room to pass the time.  We waited as 1 passed, 2 passed, 3 passed, still no doctor to break my water and get this thing going.  Also, we had topped out the Pitocin at 20 around noon until they talked to the doctor....so I ended up being at 20 for hours, which was frustrating.  I wanted my body to do it on its own, but I also want everything to be right for a healthy baby.  By 3 Justin was getting stir crazy with anticipation.  Plus, he is superstitious about the number 23, so we wanted the baby born on the 22nd.  By 3:30, the doctor still wasn’t there, so we decided I need to try on my own.  So I hopped on the peanut ball and started bouncing while watching Ellen.  I had tried this a couple times already.  I also tried walking the unit, but my portable pump wouldn’t work, so that was a no go.  Finally around 3:50 I got a sharp pain and BOOM my water broke.  Everyone said it wouldn’t be a big gush like the movies......wrong.  Probably because my hips were apart on the ball, but it was a HUGE gush.  There was so much water, and it just kept coming.  It felt awful because it soaked my gown, and socks, and was everywhere.  It was just clear, no scent, but still....yuck.  However, I was also happy my body did it on its own.  The nurse came in (and every nurse we had was wonderful) and let me get cleaned up while she cleaned the room.  Immediately after the water breaking the painful contractions that I had always heard about....started.  OUCH!  They were no joke.  The plan was to get the epidural (which I was terrified of) before she broke my water.  Since it broke on its own, I didn’t have it yet.  The nurse ordered it right then.  The 15 minutes waiting for it seemed like forever.  Those cramps hurt soooo bad.  Anyone that goes through birthing a child is a superhero, it is no joke, but without pain meds.....wow!  Those people are amazing.  During the epidural process, I was so scared, but so wanted the pain to go away.  Of course I got nauseous and needed a bucket.  Justin watched the epidural, and to the anesthesiologist’s surprise, he didn’t pass out or throw up.  He was even asking questions.  It definitely wasn’t as bad as I had made it out to be in my head.  And after 15 more minutes when it took away the pain, totally worth it.    After they gave me the epidural they let me rest a bit.  At this point I was 5-6 cm dilated.  Then they checked at 5:30 and I was 9 cm and 100% effaced, so they decided to call Boyer.  She said she just needed 15 minutes to get out, stretch her legs and get some fresh air.  This was 5:45.  We still hadn’t seen her since 8:30 that morning.  Now, it was a busy day at Labor and Delivery.  They ended up have 9 labors while I was there, 4 planned, 4 unplanned, and those nurses worked their tails off, but don’t tell me you’re coming when you aren’t.  After talking to Boyer, the nurse leaving at 7 said, it may not be until after I leave, but it’s possible you’ll have a baby before I leave at 7.  So we were ready....  They were ready.   They had everything brought into the room and set up for delivery.  6 passed, 7 passed, 8 passed, we were really frustrated at this point because we wanted the doctor there for the delivery, and the new nurse kept saying to “be patient”, “the baby isn’t going to just fall out”, “You’ve got plenty of time.”, “Pushing can take up to 3 hours or longer”.  We were so anxious, and I knew I was far along, to wait that long.  Also, if it took that long, we were looking at an April 23rd baby...

Boyer finally came in at 8:45.  She sat on the edge of the bed.  Told me she wasn’t ignoring us, just letting me ‘labor down’.  Which is fine, but just tell us that.  So she goes to check and justin was watching, and they could see the hair.  She looks up at me and says, okay, ready to push?  What?!  Now?!  I don’t know how to push, but here goes nothing...  she called in the team, so many nurses.  I began to push with contractions at 8:51 pm, and she was born at 9:19 pm.  28 minutes!  It was not easy, but at this point, I wanted her to be born so badly.  She slid out, and I felt it which was pretty cool.  Justin watched it all and lost it the minute she came out.  What an experience.  They put her on my chest for about 10 seconds before they grabbed her and took her to the side.  At this point, I was being stitched up and couldn’t see the baby, but I didn’t know why she wasn’t with me.  All of a sudden it got quiet.  I could tell by the panic on Justin’s face that something was wrong, but he wasn’t saying anything, the nurses weren’t saying anything.  It was a couple minutes of sheer torture.  About 5 minutes later, they brought her back to me and all was right in the world.  Later found out that when she came out her apgar score (out of 10) was 5, then dropped to 3- she wasn’t breathing.  Luckily they had the respiratory team in there already because I take zoloft, which can cause a drop in breathing.  I didn’t see it thank goodness, but Justin said she was blue, they had to do compressions, and stick a tube down her throat...   So scary.  I still can’t imagine and never want to go back to those 5 minutes.  Then, the minute she was breathing, they told justin to grab his camera.  He did, shaking, and snapped the pic of her smiling.  :)  Then they brought her to me and her apgar score was an 8.

We had two names picked out, but when we saw her we knew she was Scarlett.  Her middle name is Lynn, because all 4 of our parents’ middle names are Lynn.  So it was to honor them and also pay tribute to Justin’s dad.  

Scarlett Lynn is so loved and has so much support.  We don’t have much family around, but between our friends and coworkers that have been with us on this infertility journey, we have a tremendous amount of support.  Between the visitors, gifts, meals, etc. we have been so, so very lucky.  

That is her arrival story.  Will update more later.  Right now, I want to go snuggle my baby.  It still feels surreal, such a dream come true.

Welcome to the world, Scarlett Lynn!

She arrived on April 22nd, 2019 at 9:19 pm.  She weighed 6 lbs, 7.5 ounces.  She was 19.5 inches long.

See her story in the next post!

And the end is near (here)

So, we had a normal weekly appointment last Wednesday.  My feet have been swollen for a while, but my blood pressure and everything else has been fine...  until Wednesday.  My BP was a little high and had protein in my urine, so they asked me to come back on Friday to see my OB (I saw the NP).  Went back Friday morning, April 19th.  Blood pressure was even higher.  Not ridiculously high, but the fact that it kept going up and my feet were so swollen and the protein in the urine makes it a sign of preeclampsia.  She checked and I was already 3 cm dilated, 50% effaced, so my body is getting there.  Then she said, are you okay with being induced next week?  I responded with, “whatever is best for me and the baby.”  She said, “Okay, Monday it is.”   Monday!?  That is in 3 days, omg.  I am supposed to work another week.  She wanted me to come back at 2:30 for an ultrasound.  So, I went and got cookies to go back and tell my kids that it is my last day.  That was rough.  They were sad and I was sad.  Then went back at 2:30.  All was fine.  Measuring 6 lbs. 10 oz.  So, curious to see what she ends up coming out and weighing.  We will be arriving at the hospital Monday morning, April 22nd at 5:30 am.  That is less than 20 hours away!  Took the dogs to the kennel tonight and finished getting everything ready here.  Tomorrow I plan on sleeping and resting the entire day.  It is getting real, but it really still hasn’t hit me yet that this is really real.  Something we’ve waited on for so long, something I’ve wished, hoped, and prayed for for years.  And in two days, I will be a mom to someone I created.  Pretty crazy.  Next update will be her!  I just pray for a safe and healthy little girl.

36 Weeks!!

I cannot believe we are down to less than a month... it is so surreal.  It still doesn't feel 100% real yet.  We (mostly) have the nursery done, just have to finish hanging some things.  Plan on packing the hospital bags this week.  Then we just wait.  To say I am scared of the delivery process is a huuuuuge understatement.  I am terrified, but the excitement outweighs it knowing the end result.  Justin might be more nervous than me.  Haha.

We have a lot going on in the next couple of weeks (I have iLearn testing, a field trip, etc.  Justin has youth soccer, HS soccer, iLearn testing, AP testing....busy time for teachers), so hopefully she stays put until closer to her due date of April 28th.  However, as of next week she is “full term” so I will be happy to meet her anytime she is ready.  No, we still don’t have a name.  We have narrowed it down to two, which is a huge accomplishment for us.  It is just such a commitment. 

We had the best baby shower on March 17th.  Our little girl is so spoiled already.  Sometimes I get sad because we have little to no family around, but this showed me that family isn’t only blood.  The only family that came were my mom and cousin, and Justin’s aunt and brother (for Justin’s diaper party at Top Golf).  We are so thankful for them, but beyond that, so glad we have friends that support us.  We had the shower at The Sycamore at Mallow Run.  It was beautiful and such a special day.  I cannot thank everyone that helped make it successful enough.  Leaving these pictures here so I can remember it forever

And when it becomes real...

My sister can’t come to the baby shower, so she sent us somethings....

And, from random friends and us, we have some things in her closet.

Update.....It’s February

I am now 28 weeks!  It has gone so fast, but also seems like April 28th is so far away!  Life’s been good, I can’t complain.  School’s been fine, though I haven’t been putting as much time and effort as in the past.  I’m feeling pretty well other than being tired, awful acid reflux at night, and not being able to get comfortable.  All part of it, so I will take it.  I’ve gained 15 lbs.  We had an ultrasound to check the cord, but all was fine.  And we got to see her face!!  (Picture below).  I am definitely showing more now.  Baby shower date and place is set.  If you want an invite, let me know. I feel bad inviting people because I am afraid they will think I just want gifts.  But honestly, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this so I want to celebrate with anyone and everyone!! I’ve got some really talented best friends throwing it so I know it is going to be beautiful and amazing.  I do not like to be the center of attention, but otherwise, I can’t wait.  Had my one hour glucose test today, hoping I passed so I don’ t have to do the three hour one.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought.

On another note, I have a lot of friends either just becoming pregnant or trying to become pregnant, so sending them some positive vibes.  Hoping they have an easier time than me.

That’s all for now.

The picture below is my new favorite, I can’t stop looking at it.  Her face.  <3

They will always be my babies.

All I can say is wow, we have been through a lot.  I know we lived it, but when you get past it your mind forgets so much.  I think that is a life-coping skill.  It is amazing to see all we’ve been through and look back at the lowest of lows, and see that we made it.

22.5 Weeks

This post is kind of all over the place.  But looking back, it shows where we’ve been, where we are now, how we got there, and to enjoy it for what it is.

Here we are, a couple days after Christmas, and I am just so overwhelmed with emotions.  Christmas used to be such a magical time of year when I was younger.  As I got older it was a bit of a struggle because with my parents being divorced, I always felt guilty being with one and not the other.  Then, when I met Justin, Christmas was a big deal in his family(especially to his dad) and I so wanted to be a part of it as my extended family didn’t do much anymore.  I loved spending time with his family, but again, I had guilt that I wasn’t with my family.  Then, in December 2014 Justin’s dad was killed in a tragic accident and that extended through Christmas and beyond with his mom, the law suit, selling the house, etc.  I never thought Christmas would be “normal” or happy again.  Since then I tried to make sure we had plans and we do spend time with my mom, but I know it isn’t the same for Justin.  We wanted to start our own family so badly and year after year if just didn’t happen. And with social media, that is HARD.  I know everyone else’s isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, but when you are in a dark place, it seems like everyone has everything you want.  This year is the first year in a while that we both felt happiness and hope.  We still only spent Christmas Day with my mom (in her new house that she finally got moved into a couple weeks ago, there are still issues, but she is there), and had a couple friend celebrations.  But we can’t help but think about next year.  Next year starts a new journey, with new Christmas traditions for us.  I always loved Christmas as a child, and as I got older all I wanted was a child to share it with....  Next year, it will be the year (finally!).  

We are so excited and it is now becoming more real.  We have had our guard up for sure, but now the anxiety of needing to get things done is setting in. Are there times and days I still worry?  Absolutely.  However, I am trying to remain optimistic and believe that it is finally our time.  We do have to have another ultrasound to make sure the cord has three vessels.  She said not to worry, they just didn’t get a good enough picture.  Of course in our heads we think, what if.... But, everything else (organs, fingers, toes, heart, etc.) looks good so I feel it will be fine.  

We are finally able to begin to enjoy this journey.  The happiness did not come without heartache (a lot of heartache), but we will choose happy from here on out if we have a healthy pregnancy and baby come April.

My favorite thing right now is watching the hands and feet “grow” on the Ovia app.  And, I have started feeling her move, which is amazing.  If I think about it too hard, that there is a HUMAN inside of me, I do get anxious. It is strange, but I also love it.  There were times when I never knew if I would be able to experience it for myself.  However, when she doesn’t move for a bit, I do also freak out a bit.  

Now, I get to start thinking about a nursery, baby shower, and names.  Names is a nightmare when you have two teachers trying to agree, but by April I know we will have the perfect one.  :)

3 days until 2019.  Happy New Year!  If you are going through a rough time, know I have been there.  I don’t know when or if your dreams will come true (I know I doubted if mine ever would), but hang on and find something that makes you happy for now.  That is all you can do.  I know, I did it (but struggled) for many years.

For you people that want bump pictures (and in case I want to look back.) 

Little Girl’s Sisters...

These are still (and will always be) our first babies.  Callie and Luna saw Santa at daycare.  They look thrilled.  Haha.

20 Week Anatomy Scan- December 10th

We made it halfway.  This is a HUGE deal for us!  It is still surreal, but this makes it a little more real.  Everything measured right where it should, and....

... and we could not be more excited!!

Here is the first thing we went out and bought together....

Update- 17 weeks

It’s been a bit.  Life just gets busy.  I’ve still been trying to help my mom with her house and getting things moved in this weekend.  Hopefully that process is done next week!  School is always stressful, but especially with so many new people.  In baby news, all is well.  I have been afraid to say that the past month because you just never know.  I am nervous every single day.  Especially because I had another bleeding scare.  As of October 29th, baby was measuring right on time and everything looked good.  It was an hour and 45 minute appointment, they pretty much checked every crevice of my body and took all my blood (9 vials).  We got to see the baby, it was moving all around, but I can’t feel anything yet.  I don’t go back until November 29th so that is scary.  We went to Colorado, and other than feeling sick the entire trip, had a wonderful time.  Since then I have had a little more energy and a little more of an appetite. I have started to get a bump, which I love but it is also embarrassing because if you know me, you know I don’t like attention.  But everyone wants to see the bump.  I’ve included a picture from Thanksgiving and you can see the start of a bump.  This Thanksgiving is the first one I haven’t been miserable at for the last 5 years.  It was a good feeling.  We get our anatomy scan in mid-December.  I wanted to wait, but I can’t.  I have been waiting for years.  I just want to know now.  Will update more after that. I am finally getting more excited, still guarded, but excited, too.