Travel Diary Entry # 5 - Strange and Wonderful Dreams (and laryngitis)

Last night I dreamt of a place that can't possibly be real. It was a place with glowing blue pools and great trees set on a cliff overlooking a sea so clear that the vibrant corals under the waves were visible. The pools were shaped like lotus petals and arrayed around a central gazebo where one could look out at the sea. The space was terraced and there were additional infinity pools located on tiers below the main lotus pools. The great trees almost completely shaded the whole place, with only dappled sunlight making its way to the ground. A type of lichen drooped down from the trees with brilliant wisteria-like blooms. There was also a pleasant warm and fragrant breeze lightly blowing at all times.

In the dream this place existed in India and my dad and I were visiting as tourists. The blue pools are reached through a resort that (in terms of architecture) resembles the Getty Center in LA. We reached the pools at sunset and both of us were completely entranced by the beauty. There were many other visitors from around the world here and everyone seemed to be operating in a kind of euphoric daze. Me being me, I decided to take out my camera to take pictures of the place but no matter what I tried - my camera kept malfunctioning. I was incredibly frustrated so one of the other visitors suggested I use my phone to take pictures. When I tried that - my camera app started bugging out! It was as if this place wasn't meant to be pictured. While I was laser focused on trying to document the place, I did have random conversations with the other visitors and I noticed some of them were behaving strangely. One of them told me that the place made the "mally" or malleable, and that a lot of relationships failed in the place because temptation was too strong. After she told me this, I literally watched a couple drift apart as they paired up with separate visitors and went in opposite directions.

In any case, I "wake up" from this dream and then tell my dad what I saw. I then open my phone and go through my gallery, where miraculously - there are pictures and even videos of the place! My dad, however, has no recollection of this place and suggests I created the images and videos through AI in my sleep - a kind of strange sleepwalking. I accept this and then begin telling someone (who happens be to Jenna Lyons, the fashion designer and new RHONY housewife) about the dream - who then suggests I consume a plum covered in a strange fungus to see worlds even more beautiful than the one I saw.

And then I wake up again. With laryngitis and the complete loss of my voice.

If dreams are messages from our subconscious, wtf was all that about?? Did I just catch a glimpse of some kind of fairy world?

(the pictures here aren't accurate to what I saw, but I wanted to see what midjourney would come up with when given the dream description)

Travel Diary Entry #4 - Power Gays (Indian Edition)

In many places across the world, there is a class of elite gay men that live decadent lives filled with leisure and luxury (all thoroughly documented on their socials). In countries like the United States, they often come from the upper rungs of the corporate, legal, and entertainment worlds. In Europe, they come from those worlds as well as the remnants of certain aristocratic/noble families. They grow up attending elite schools and vacationing in luxurious locations around the world, often with large groups of friends (my god - the sheer number of group pictures featuring yachts in the Greek islands!) . They also cut fat checks for political campaigns and wield a great deal of political power. These are called the power gays.

Call me naive, but I hadn't considered that this phenomenon would also occur in India until recently.

I was scrolling through my feed one day and noticed a group of very good looking young people from India dressed in immaculately tailored outfits eating in what looked like a palace courtyard in Rajasthan. One of these men triggered my gaydar and I did what one does on social media and stalked the shit out of his account. Through him - I discovered the not-so-hidden world of the Indian power gays.

Like their western counterparts, these men come from unfathomable wealth accrued by their families over generations. They hail from industrialist, entertainment, and royal backgrounds mostly in the North of the country (South India operates differently. The culture shuns ostentatious behavior so I'm not aware if there is a parallel scene here or not).

What surprises me about the Indian power gays and the reason behind this entire post is just how much their privilege allows them to live in an almost alternate universe. While they don't refer to their boyfriends as boyfriends publicly, they don't really try to hide their relationships all that much. They pose in couple pictures, have shared accounts for their pets, and openly salivate over shirtless pictures of each other. None of this is a complaint - it's just odd when you juxtapose it against the extreme conservatism of Indian culture. In my previous post, you can see just how closeted and hidden most gay men are here. There's no such thing for these power gays. They aren't headless torsos or catfish profiles on Grindr. It makes me wonder why the culture at large remains so conservative when the tastemakers at the top live such liberated lives.

Discovering these men also triggered some strange feelings for myself. I found myself lusting over both the men and their lifestyles. I even considered pulling some strings so that I could be introduced to one of them. But here's the thing - what the fuck would I even say to these people? What would we even have in common? And does it make sense for someone who believes in the redistribution of wealth for a more equitable and just world to chase this lifestyle?

The answer to all these questions is obviously no. So basically - I'm writing all of this out to tell myself "hey this in interesting. You didn't know this world existed and now you do. But it's not you and not what you want - so stop comparing and just move forward."

Travel Diary Entry 3

Let's talk about gay stuff 🌈

How men go about being gay in India has always been fascinating to me. Indian society is deeply conservative and tends to be pretty homophobic.

A couple of years ago I matched with a handsome filmmaker based in Mumbai and I asked him what the gay scene was like. He said it was very small and that most people in the community knew each other and discreetly carried on relationships in the shadows.

But that couldn't possibly be the whole picture. India is a country of 1.4 billion people, so there's no way the community can be THAT small. So now that I'm here, I resolved to do some investigation - with Grindr 😭.

When I opened Grindr in India, I noticed four things:

• There are so many men active on these apps, it really took me by surprise. The sheer amount of messages made me turn off my notifications - which I've never done anywhere else because I'm vain and like attention 😭.

• The men here have voracious sexual appetites and enthusiastically embrace kinks in a way that wouldn't be out of place in San Francisco. I don't know why exactly that's surprising, but I guess I expected them to be more conservative than they are. A lot of these men can barely speak English, but are perfectly adept at constructing truly filthy propositions (I'm not complaining about this).

• There are a suspicious number of white skinned muscle gods with ripped abs on the grid. Which leads me to point 4;

• Holy catfish. Being closeted or discreet is common in most places in the world. Usually this results in an abundance of profiles featuring headless torsos - the intent being "I can't show you my face but don't worry I'm hot." In India, the men are so deeply closeted that headless torso shots are too risky - so they post pictures of gay men from other countries. The practice is so common that you will find many profiles that have to explicitly state "Dp is mine." Dp is a very funny abbreviation because it definitely means something else in Western countries and at first I was in shock at how many people here were into that scene. However, I'm happy to report that it actually means "default pic."

My investigations into gayness here will continue (I've matched with a handful of really cute guys here so who knows - maybe a date is on the horizon.)

Travel Diary Entry 2

The last week has been utter turmoil. I know yall have been watching me meltdown on ig stories but lets just recap:

• After 24 hours of travelling, my dad and I arrived at our condo which hasn't been occupied in 4 years to find it covered in several layers of filth. It was so bad I couldn't even sit down so I booked a hotel instead.

• On the way to said filth encrusted condo, my dad got lost in a conversation with the cab driver explaining every detail of our lives and left his Indian phone in the cab. Big mistake because you can't do shit in India without an Indian phone (like get internet access or access your bank accounts).

• An argument over a moldy blanket resulted in my dad accidentally breaking the washing machine.

• My dad slipped on a broken sidewalk and fell on his ass. A nightmare since he is 75.

• Not to mention, im jetlagged as shit and am completely surrounded by my deceased mom's things so things are extra emotionally heavy.

So I think my meltdowns were pretty justified. In anycase, things are finally beginning to settle into normalcy. I've never forgotten about how chaotic and irritating things in India can be, but coming from California - an adjustment process is always required.

But I don't want to just bitch here. There are really good nuggets in the midst of all the bullshit. For one, everything in India tastes amazing. Whether we're talking about fruit, coffee/tea, Indian/ Asian/ Continental (translates to broadly European or American) food - everything is packed with flavor...and chili 🌶️.

I'm going to venture out into city center and see my friends soon, so I'm hoping I can shift the vibes to positive territory.

I love locking my door like…you’re not coming in lmfao

Bibi Abdulkadir and Nyaueth Riam By Marie Schuller For King Kong Magazine SS18

SoesoeKoetjink

Babacar N'doye by Blair Getz Mezibov for V Man Magazine - March 2020

Imari Karanja by Oliver Hadlee Pearch for M magazine - November 2018

Love your blog! Thank you so much for doing gifs from shows. It's nice to see the movement of the dresses. :) Also a question, what are some of your favorite artistic or avant-garde dresses?

First of all, thank you!  I started doing the gifs because I also wanted to see the movement of the dresses, so I’m glad I’m not alone! 

As for the avant-garde? This was such a hard list to narrow down! The days of John Galliano at Dior had some of my favorite collections so I added just one here (from what is probably my favorite Galliano collection from spring 2007), only because I had someone ask me for my favorite Galliano pieces that I’ll answer soon. These days I look forward to seeing Iris van Herpen and Viktor & Rolf shows because they never fail to bring the avant garde to couture week.  However Stéphane Rolland and Armani Privé have been known to sneak some pieces into their collections as well. 

And as for the piece I would love to wear: Valentin Yudashkin’s gold dress from spring 2014. The first name that came to mind when I thought of your question was Alexander McQueen but I didn’t want to have the list be entirely McQueen creations, so I have some separate posts that I’ll link here.  One, two, three.

Dior Spring/Summer 2007 Couture Iris van Herpen Fall/Winter 2016 Couture Iris van Herpen Spring/Summer 2020 Couture Viktor & Rolf Spring/Summer 2010 RTW Viktor & Rolf Fall/Winter 2018 Couture Stéphane Rolland Spring/Summer 2017 Couture Armani Privé Fall/Winter 2007 Couture Valentin Yudashkin Spring/Summer 2014 RTW Alexander McQueen Fall/Winter 2004 RTW Alexander McQueen Spring/Summer 2007 RTW