I am literally 🤏🏻 this close to breaking up with my boyfriend and shaving my head and flipping my life entirely

i am SO anxious and so SAD but I can’t keep doing this anymore

I’ve been on the cusp for weeks but it’s so hard for me to start the conversation FUCK

and now his birthday is in two weeks and idk if I should do it before or after

hi how do you end a relationship with a person that you love ?? like people do it all the time right but i literally can’t i don’t understand

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what a fucking miserable christmas

I’ve never felt this alone on Christmas

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I don’t wanna live here no more I don’t know how my life can get better or how the WORLD can better what’s the fucking point everything just hurts all of the time and i’m USELESS to do anything

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No offense but I’m really uncomfortable in my body and I want to rip my skin off

I guess I get sad every year around my birthday because I want it to be some sort of metaphysical reset event that wipes all the debris clear every year, something that gives me the executive function and health to make tangible strides towards the self I want, and it isn’t, it’s just the same too-hard work as always, just a random date where I start thinking about it more clearly, and it has no power to clear or cleanse that I don’t give it, and I’m tired and sad and small and I hate being stuck with things only having the power I give them because I haven’t got any, I want Big Magic to come and make things less small and grimy and sad; I’m sure building oneself back up out of rubble is noble and splendid and all but it isn’t very likely that I will ever gather enough resources to do that, or at least not without a lot more wasted years in between; I don’t want a whole fix, I just want a push, I want an artifact that lends me new powers, I want – something bigger than me, anything, so long as it’s bigger than this scrap of me I’ve got to work with that just keeps getting smaller and dingier. 

anyway.

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I had a dream about you last night...