the-tzimisce - Tumblr blog

the-tzimisce · 11 minutes

Text

The helicopter noise isn't even that bad to me I just object on like a philosophical level to "how could we survive as an economy if people couldn't use low-flying helicopters over residential neighborhoods as taxis ten times an hour?" Buddy, we were doing it a couple years ago. Boiled frog ass take.

1 note · View note

the-tzimisce · 6 hours

Text

#spend my whole life yearning for kiki #years pass in a daze #take stock of myself my life and everything i've wrought #it's all fucking bouba

43 notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 6 hours

Text

be pro-aging but wear sun screen. sun protection is not beauty industry propaganda it will save you. wear it. or else.

#they say that neutrogena stuff is the least slimy sunscreen available in the states. maybe so but it's still very slimy #european ones are better but not like. great. and that's using face sunscreen on my whole body which is not efficient #i hear good things about korean ones but people who say good things about slimes are generally slime enjoyers so. who knows #anyway this is NOT a challenge to op. they are correct. i do try to wear it but ik my natural distaste for slime endangers my life.

166K notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 7 hours

Text

#i love cats so much. stupidest animal of all time #cats are common so we think their bullshit is normal but actually every cat is just so fucking weird

17K notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 16 hours

Text

I'm so squicked to lance a blister with the same needles I stab myself with twice a week ...pathetic

#it's like nestled in between two toes and it's almost a whole third one it HAS to go #i've got a callus cracking on the heel too which i didn't know was a thing. why isnt my skin unassailable as ancient stone. just asking

0 notes

the-tzimisce · 17 hours

Note

How is Mr. Eddie Potato doing these days? Would love to see his handsome little face

the man himself, in absolute bliss. he remains perfect, pure, and god's favorite son.

#i had the inexpressible grace of meeting him in real life #he is as beautiful and sweet and calm as he looks in photos and also so so so soft. and so so stupid #the ultimate endpoint of domestication. 0% survival instinct 100% comfy

58 notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 17 hours

Text

the simplicity of lactase supplements is so funny to me. it costs like $4 to circumvent evolutionary biology. want to eat dairy but your body doesn’t produce the enzyme necessary to digest lactose? the devs haven’t patched that yet but you can download a mod

#well there was that guy who made the unauthorized patch #i heard the devs eventually removed his access and it got reverted but it took literally years

10K notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 17 hours

Text

#it's still bg3 and that leaves basically the entire field of crimes open to me to pick from #but im a durge enjoyer so i'll just leave it at uh. murder

17K notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 17 hours

Text

@pyrrhiccomedy @wizzard890 the steel cross at the top of Giewont mountain that kills you with lightning, for reference

honestly looking back at these pics over half a year later I have the sense memory of this absolutely ground into my bones. hands shaking adrenaline oozing from my pores and that fucking cross clanking in the wind and the biggest sky I've seen in my entire life

I should have tried to take a better pic of the cross at the summit, which is an insane structure built in 1900 to celebrate the exactly accurate 1900 years since the birth of christ. They hauled the pieces up on their backs, which as someone who had a hard time managing a shoulder bag, feels slightly emasculating to think about. ALSO, it is a lightning rod and people die here every year because they're here when a thunderstorm hits. Great concept for a structure but while I was there I was mostly thinking about being down from there

#turns out if you've done all your hiking in appalachians territory 'the easiest hike in the polish tatras' is. Not.#i just found a youtube video of a guy doing this hike captioned 'don't try this!' so i'm looking forward to sympathizing

11 notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 18 hours

Text

reblog for sample size !!

#calico vibes

15K notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 23 hours

Text

There's something wrong when we don't sexualize how much Feyd-Rautha canonically drools like a broken spigot the second he looks excited, and look, we all got distracted with the arranged marriages, the omegaverse, the gender swap fics, the Bene Gesserit Voice kink, the nonstop breeding kink fic, the 'in another life I would have been your wife' soulmate fics. I get it.

But if ever there was a fandom designed almost solely for the purpose of fetishizing the hell out of every variation of the Wet & Messy tags, along with the sacrilegious guilt inherent to Arrakis over wasting water? It's Dune.

Drool. Sweat. Cry. Piss. Cum. Bleed.

There are 1001 prompts from 'so filthy it's profane' to genuinely kind of heartwarming but I want it to get the intensive fanfiction attention.

How do we treat some of our most common forms of humiliation in a world where spitting on the floor in front of someone is a show of greatest respect? Is boot-polishing for someone as a submissive with your tongue an honor or a shameful act because it wastes the water? What are the ramifications of Bukkake on Arrakis?

Imagine someone who has internalized Fremen values and beliefs with an Omorashi kink. Maybe they don't even know they have one, they've used a stillsuit for so long, but suddenly they're exposed, and full, and all they can do is just close their eyes and chant to themselves 'Don't Let It Out' as a litany.

Arise Dacryphilia kinksters. A literal miracle is documented in the book about the first time Lisan al'Gaib wept and gave water to dead. Villeneuve takes this and makes it into a perverted dream that Muad'Dib steals from the heart of a Southern tribal elders.

Not feeling the PWP stuff? That's fair, we're all still one or three really good fics away from being a little too into something.

How about Hurt/Comfort and Whump fics? I haven't seen any really good severe dehydration scenarios, we need a couple. Stillsuits & Stilltents fail, or are damaged in battle. The old 'drink of my flesh so you may live'. Let's get dirty with Dirty Water. Or honestly, it seems like you can survive at least temporarily with only one canister of it taken.

In general just so many opportunities for bloodplay. But if you wanna stay tamer with it (though Feyd-Rautha's pets at least are canon cannibals) how about the fact that a Crisknife drawn cannot be sheathed without being blooded. This was shown but not stated in the 2021 Dune, so drawing one must be a thoughtful and measured act as you slice your own palm and spill your own water if you put it away in peace.

I speak now with the voice of the Lisan al'Gaib the ghost of Frank Herbert on ZERO authority and call upon all the Dune fandom to get HORNIER about being WET.

#op is doing WORK on the community's behalf

68 notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 1 day

Text

that said I understand why post op would be so into it. every time I photograph even a warhammer guy I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown and any skill that's so byzantine as to inspire dread in experienced skilled labor enjoyers is going to have a contingent who become obsessed instead

0 notes

the-tzimisce · 1 day

Text

...I honestly don't understand why you would want to go to a ton of effort to make your product photography look like a moderately high-end photoshop you did because you needed to list for preorders before you had the samples back to photograph? Like for jars of unguents in a glossy magazine photograph I guess it makes sense but when I see blank white background no shadows no edges in a product listing I'm just like, before I buy this I'm gonna need proof of life

2 notes · View notes

the-tzimisce · 1 day

Text

Remember this joke?

Well, I am going to do something similar only with photography. This is a photo someone took for an Amazon review of their Clinique products.

Honestly, it is not a terrible photo. They did some staging. They have an interesting background. All of the labels are legible. It is properly exposed. This would be a perfectly acceptable product photo for an Etsy page.

I've been taking these advanced photography courses in preparation for whenever I am able to create a new studio in the house. And my teacher is a photography badass. I just watched a 6 hour class on how to recreate a professional Clinique ad. And at first glance it looks deceptively simple. It's just some skin care products being splashed with a little water.

Which is why I wanted you to see an average person for reference.

This is what Karl Taylor came up with.

And I don't think I've learned so much about photography in one tutorial before.

Product photography is just loads and loads of problem solving. You have to light the chrome caps with a gradient. Which requires giant diffusion scrims.

Those big white panels are literally only there for the two chrome caps.

You need a pure white background, but you can't let light spill all over the studio, so you put up giant black light blockers.

And you have to add another light just for the orange bottle on the right.

Oh, and if you want the bottles to glow, well, you have to hide a silver reflector behind them.

But you still want the edges of the bottles to be darker so they have some contrast. So you add some black tape to the sides.

And in order for the reflective labels to have bold black lettering, you have to reflect black cards into them.

Ack! Karl's beautiful bald head is showing up in the chrome caps! He must put on the naughty blanket.

And once you get every aspect of every bottle perfectly lit, you finally get to yeet some water at it all.

I don't love product photography because I have a weird obsession to help greedy corporations make their wares look more beautiful. I love it because it is a complicated and challenging new puzzle every time. Every product is a different shape and requires a different technique to make it look its best.

I don't know if I will be able to live up to Karl's standards.