Does your family ever make you wanna kill yourself because you’re useless?

Cause that’s a big mood

What my depression really is like

So. I never really post here. But when I do its always straight from the head. So.... well I guess here’s the thoughts on how my depression effects me.

So firstly a lot of the time I’m kinda droning through the day. Ambition is a rare emotion within me. I dream big but can never muster the effort to actually go through with it. I want to be a teacher more than anything and I just failed two classes this semester. I thought “ I’m really good at music I should do this”

Well turns out I’m not even good at that. And it just pushes my depression farther to where I feel like I can barely do anything. I’ve been feeling like shit because I don’t wanna tell my parents I fucked up my classes and just I hate being a massive disappointment to almost everyone. I’m so scared to end up worthless but here I am not taking the initiative. Depression is very different for me. It just digs itself deeper and deeper all the time telling me I’m not enough. I don’t deserve what I have. I haven’t tried enough. It’s. Well. Hard.

I just wish I could find that ambitious kid again and just. Actually pull through with something i wanna do. I’m a dreamer but I can’t do anything without falling right back down. Over and over and over again.

There are times where I’m scared for the future, scared I’m gonna be a loser and one day the love of my life will be gone because I’m just not good enough and my head drills me that I’ll never amount to anything. I have so much love. But none of it really ever goes to myself.

In all honesty. That’s another reason why I wanted to drop out and just work. To run away from school. To try and gain my life back and stop being so stressed I sit doing nothing when my life falls apart around me. I’m not good enough for this world and I keep proving that to myself. Yea sometimes it gets.... almost scary? But I can keep myself away from those things. But I can never let them out. They just never seem to be an issue when im around others and I’m just awful about expressing my depression in its truest form. Cause most the time..... it’s right in front of them. I’m putting off important things to go see friends and do something better. I just wish for once I could be able to rely on myself without fucking something up.

But. Yea. That’s a small look into the mind boggling depressive episodes I go through from time to time. Fucking sucks. I wish I could just get the ambition back and be happy again. Right now the only thing keeping me going is you. Because you make me want to be better and once we move in. I’m riding all my cards on that you’ll make me a better person and finally stop being the depressive idiot that I’ve been for so. So. Long. I just am so scared to lose it all.

So ya that’s it. I’m exhausted for tonight. Sorry for the mind fuck of depression shit.

@melody-in-the-night

What your headache is tellin you

@melody-in-the-night

I dont even know, but I just cant stop laughing.

Entry 1. Change

After getting extremely high. I've decided to start keeping logs on my deep high thoughts. Cause they help me reflect on my life. This installment, change.

My life, changes so often and although I like to think I can adapt it can be over whelming. Change is the driver and what keeps me going yet also keeps me petrified. 3 years ago. One of my favorite songs. "A Daydream away" was associated with someone I loved. Everyday I pictured that scene with someone. Thinking that was my life. I was in love. And I thought that was my one true love.

That changed. People in the wrong place wrong time who happened to fall in love. Like we even knew what love was. To this day things still remind me of that love. Sometimes a scent of a person that's very similar to theirs makes me double take. Some memories remind me that a lot of the time was good. And also others that were bad.

That changed.

Now. I've learned to re love again. After a year of battling this self hatred things changed and I fell in love again. This time the fire burning brighter than a super nova. The feeling is suffocating. Yes I'm still terrified of commitment and I'm still scared to put all my heart into someone else again after the first time I came out to love. But. But. I did. After all she had done for me. I had to give it a chance. And boy what a good change that was for me. Now I couldn't be happier, couldn't feel more loved, and could never. EVER feel more supported and happy in a relationship ever. Being an adult really showed me what it's like to really love. Despite the obsticsles, despite each other's different outlooks.

I have never felt more love in my heart.

I'm glad that day. My mind changed, and I decided to learn to love again.

Days change.

Hearts change.

Minds change.

But one thing that will never change.

Is the love I feel now.

More wholesome garlic bread memes

If I could take it all back. would I. No. I wouldn't

tfw your crush is just too beautiful you can’t help but gush

who is she talking about, lads?

A sequel to this post. Here’s a dad trying to cheer up his sad child.

Violet belongs to @helthehatter

Look at my beautiful b💖 Aprecciation for my main bitch 💖💖💖 she's sooooo cute

~credit to fionaHsieh.devianart~

Ladies and Gentlemammals,

The WildeHopps Ring

(image from: https://www.etsy.com/listing/186303451/fox-and-bunny-friends-silver-ring-pick )

Relaxing

Source Pixiv

oh what a great plan I have In store >:)

Kind time of the day, dear subscribers.

Today I decided to paint another fan-art on the subject of Zootopia in color.

All good and all the best;)

It’s an almost nose snuggle :) Maybe I’ll color this later

Oh, Sweetheart.