the-hell-is-life
Welcome to Hell
Hello, my names Lily I dont have a life so I'm here, Welcome.
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Tumblr the Mom and Pop shop cafe of misinformation
tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse
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im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to
spiderman dances to the beat
no matter what song
ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour
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Jschlatt morph mod headcannons :)
Hello, I would like to start off by saying that the relationship between the reader and Schlatt are platonic, as per request :)
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The first person that actually morphed into something was Wilbur, who encase you don’t remember morphed into a sheep, he was also the first person to end up dead via you
“Come on Y/N, ba for us.”
You quickly grabbed your phone and made siri say ba, then seconds later schlatt killed you
He wanted a ba not a smartass
When they were trying to get into the house to kill Tommy you were all sheep using autotune LMAO
“WhY cAn’T I FiT tHrOuGh ThE dOoR-” “BeCaUsE yOu’Re tOo BiG yOu dUmB fUcK- nOoOOOoOoOoOo ToMmY dOn’T KilL mE pLeAse-”
You set your goal quickly, and your goal was to be an enderman
By the time Charlie and Wilbur turned themselves into bees you were in the mines looking for lava so you could get to the nether
But the thing was, they knew you had goals.
And goals are something that Charbee and Wilbee are good at getting in the way of.
You weren’t even in their vc, you and Schlatt were just having an actual conversation in a separate call when they started hovering around you
“What food should I order?” “Uhhhh, just get taco bell.” “…” “…Y/N?” “Sorry two bees won’t leave me the hell alone”
You guys joined the other vc to “Return the favor” :D
You guys said hello to them, getting ready to kill them
“Do YoU hAvE aNy pOlLeN?” “Wow, 100 gecs really went to shit-”
aaaand then Jschlatt killed Wilbur
“…Bees are endangered, do you have no soul?- No wait charlie-….I hope you get stepped on.”
Unfortunately you weren’t there to see “MY PHEROMONES ARE FUCKED”, but you were still in vc, so you could hear it-
“Next time I see a bee in this god damn recording I will be ending its life.”
Schlatt was calling for help under his breath but you were the only one who noticed LMAO
You were now back to being concentrated on going to the nether and ordering your taco bell
When the food arrived and you went to go get it, two things happened.
First one was Schlatt killing you
Second one was Charlie and Wilbur temporarily turning back into bees to fly around you and claim you as their queen
When you got back the first things you heard after putting your headphones back on was this
“Do you wish to sneak into the carrot patch once more today?” “Why son that sounds like I’d be on cloud nine” “Father my hind legs are- are positively qu-quivering I’m ready to go!” “What the hell have I interrupted?”
Moving onto about halfway through the video, Charlie and Wilbur had turned back into bees and had gotten out of their tiny cage, which meant they were chasing everyone
You were minding your own business eating your food when all of a sudden they showed up and killed you while yelling “LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!”
You laughed so hard when Charlie killed Schlatt
“Small bee. Big stings.” “nOo-”
You made fun of tommys intro with them LOL
“ELLO EVERYONE IM TOMMYINNIT AND I HAVE THE SAME INTRO, THUMBNAIL, AND RANT ABOUT YOUTUBE ANALYTICS BUT IF YOU DONT THINK IM ANNOYING-”
Your mic cut out.
When Phil and Tommy finally managed to build the nether portal you died two times trying to get to an enderman, but hey it was worth it in the end
Well you thought so, but then you teleported into a wall that was right next to Schlatt and died.
He didn’t help, he just watched and laughed his ass of as your crys for help
“HAHAHA YOU FUCKING DUMBASS HOW DID YOU TELEPORT INTO A WALL” “SCHLATT YOU BITCH STOP LAUGHING AND HELP-”
And then five minutes later he teleported into the wall
You were in the group of tall people they had later
“Wow guys isn’t it great being tall.” “Can I join ple-” “No wilbur you can’t FUCK OFF”
Then you and Schlatt ganged up on Wilbur
All the other people could only hear you guys voices and every now and then they would hear a curse LMAO
When he got stuck in a tree while trying to run away from Wilbur you just ran past him and went “TALL PROBLEMS AM I RIGHT BIG GUY?”
You had fun in the video, but now you have war flashbacks whenever someone talks about bees.
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Lol people getting heated over a shitpost 😂😂
millennials are so stupidt,,, like,,.. get off ur ipohne,,,,g o 2 outside,,,,, take an entire shit on the e leaves of the outsides……losten to nature u stupit bicth……u disgustenign,….the real friendship is in person not online,,,….t he only emoji u need is Outside……run and tell that…,,.i miss 1436 when we Talk To Each Other and Die A Lot
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🧚🏼♂️✨wear✨your✨fucking✨mask✨🧚🏼♂️
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This makes me want to wake up my dad and tell him to fuck off like this gives me so much strength
it’s not about that i know how to do laundry. it’s that when i was four i knew how to fold clothes; small hands working alongside my mother, while my older brother sat and played with his toys. it’s that i know what kind of detergent works but my father guesses. it’s that in my freshman year of college i had a line of boys who needed me to show them how to use the machine. it’s that the first door they knocked on belonged to me. it’s that they expected me to know.
it’s not that i know how to cook. it’s that the biggest christmas present i got was a little plastic kitchenette i never used except to climb on. it’s that my brother used it more, his hands ghosting over pink buttons and yellow dials. it’s that when my work needs cake for a birthday, they turn to me. i get it from costco. i don’t even like cooking. a boy burns popcorn in the dorm microwave and laughs. a week later, i do the same thing, and he snorts at me, “just crossed you off my wife list.” it’s that i had heard something like this so many times before that i laughed, too.
it’s not that i don’t love being feminine. it’s that i came home with bruises from trying to be a trick rider on my bike and heard the word “tomboy,” felt my little mouth say, “but i’m not a boy, i’m a girl”. it’s that they laughed. it’s that until i was sitting in my pretty dress and smiling with a big pretty smile and blinking my big pretty eyes, i wasn’t given back the title “girl”. it’s that until i wore makeup and styled my hair i was bullied; it’s that when i don’t wear makeup i’m a slob, that my mental health diagnosis hangs on the hook of being dressed up. it’s that my therapist sees me returning to bright red lipstick and tells me i am looking happier and i have to explain that i am more sad than i have ever been. it’s that i dress myself in as many layers as i can every time i ride a train because it’s better to be laughed at than harassed.
it’s not that i know how to clean, it’s that my brother’s chores were outside where i wanted to be, and mine were inside. it’s that i would have weeded the garden better than he did if they had just let me. it’s that i am put in charge of fixing other’s messes, expected to comply without complaint.
it’s not that i can’t open the jar. it’s that you ask my brother first every time. it’s that i am pushed into docile positions, trained to believe that my body when it’s strong and healthy is ugly, trained into being less, weaker. it’s that the jar is also science, is also engineering, is also every job, every opportunity. it’s that you laugh faster when he tells a joke, that you take him seriously but wave off me, that when he raises his voice he’s assertive but when i do i’m hysterical. the jar is getting into a car with a stranger as a driver and wondering if this is our last ride. the jar is knowing that if something happens to us, it’s our fault.
it’s that i’m weak and i don’t know if it’s because i just am or i was trained to be. it’s that we need to sit pretty with our pretty smiles and our pretty words trapped pretty and silent in our throats, our hands restless but pretty when idle, our bodies vessels for nothing but a future white dress. it’s that we are taught someone else needs to open the jar for us.
here’s the secret: run metal lids under hot water, they’ll expand faster than the glass they’re around. here’s the secret: when you keep us under hot water, we do more than boil. we expand over our edges. and we learn how to open our mouths, our claws, our screams hanging in kites over cities. just give me a chance. give me a chance when i am four when i am seven when i am twenty-three. i promise i can be amazing. give me the jar. i’ll show you something.
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I fucking hate that I laughed
Math jokes aren’t funny. nothing about math is funny. math is a sin
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And we’re right back where I was this time last month. I got my job back, finally, and then all of the corona virus stuff hit and I was out of a job literally the DAY AFTER I started work. I was able to make a little under a hundred dollars, and that’s it. On top of that, my rental company is doing absolutely nothing to help in this situation
I feel so hopeless. This is genuinely the worst year of my life.
It’s like I keep being hit by thing after thing. Since my last update on the situation, my sister has been sent back to me from my grandmother, who doesn’t have the space or the time to handle her full time, so now I’m in change of taking care of and homeschooling a 14 year old on top of everything.
I’m so exhausted, and hopeless, and I can’t afford to go grocery shopping and we’re slowly but surely running out of food. That’s not even including the fact that rent is due soon and now, after I was finally going to be able to be financially secure again, I’m yet again left with nothing.
This year is taking everything I have.
Once again, I’m going to drop my paypal. I know everyone is in the same boat right now, but I have to try what I can.
https://www.paypal.me/eccentricmlu
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#I’m offended that Tennessee whiskey wasn’t an option that shit makes every cowboy cry
I made a quiz that’ll tell you what kind of gay cowboy you are
why? because i think its funny
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I’m fucking ready for the quarantine shit to be over. Thank fucking god I live in Texas our god Daddy Abbott is opening shit up in on the first of May. So not I won’t be spending my birthday alone. Like my mom is having surgery in Houston and my dad is gonna be with her so I would be home alone, but Daddy G is opening shit so I go out with friends 😍😍
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Can someone explain to me how the actual fuck glasses work? Like deadass.
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hey yall I didn’t want to have to do work for my online classes so i made a uquiz instead. answer some questions and i’ll tell u what aspect of your personality annoys me the most
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all fanfiction is funnier and sexier and vastly better-written when you read it at three in the morning, in the dark, lying on your side, tucked into bed, with screen rotate turned off. that’s just how it works. that’s just facts.
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