A snake story, based on an experience I had while I was in Florida.

My fiancee and I were discussing the worst metal to use to make armor, and the obvious answers are lead and gold, but she cunningly suggested mercury. Which is a fair point, but then I wondered if solid mercury is any good. Googling told me that the melting point of mercury is -38° c (-37° f), so first you get it really fucking cold. At that point, it turns out that mercury has a tensile strength of 1900 mpa, compared to lead’s 18 and steel’s ~500-940 (depending upon the kind of steel).

Now, I know that tensile strength is not necessarily the best measure of a material’s ability to function as armor, but I’m a liberal arts major and didn’t care to actually do that much more research before going straight to, “EVIL ICE DEMONS IN MERCURY ARMOR. THE PCS CAN’T LOOT IT BECAUSE WHEN THEY PUT IT ON IT MELTS AND KILLS THEM.”

Blank bloodweave gifs for your imagination!! Let me know what you think they're saying here :)

Bard casts vicious mockery: “Hag-shouldered scum-vestige!”

Graphic designer casts vicious mockery:

[Another 100% fake cover to go along with the first one. Note, no burn intended on Withers here! He’s currently the most sought-after party planner in Faerun.]

yes

like 60% of your posts are funny maybe 55%

Insane success rate

lovely mural by the coffee shop this morning

the thing about being alone is that it’s so peaceful and freeing and cool apart from the evenings you descend into literal hell

YES I’ve been chased and hissed at by a Canada goose but it doesn’t make me hate them guess I’m just built different

I’ve lived a lot of lives, but I’m done running from my past.

BLACK WIDOW (2020) dir. Cate Shortland + BLACK WIDOW (2019) by Jen Soska & Sylvia Soska

I don't want to make ““doctor’s appointments””and ““schedule a follow up.”” I want to be coaxed gently into a crate and taken to the vet.

Hercules (1997) dir. Ron Clements, John Musker

please read the books for my boy jaime lannister who speedran his character arc when he realized that 99 percent of his problems can be cured with buff girl tiddy

Taking a 5-second break from the Bagginshield angst to bring you this meme I created after an all-nighter, enjoy.