not this trailer dragging me back into the fandom welp

time to get weirdly into markiplier again i can't wait

GUESS THE FUCK WHAT https://youtu.be/faSLBJVlKK4

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OH MY GOD YES !!!!

college campuses across america are full of students protesting for palestine. and these campuses are also full of police shutting down these protests. they're full of swat teams and national guards assaulting students using their first amendment rights. college kids are being beaten for standing up for what is right. but when there is an actual issue to the schools and to the students, the police don't do shit. when these students have their lives threatened by guns, nothing happens. there is no protection for people.

dennis w his arms up n surrender crying mascara tears directly before th light fixture such tht it halos his head is religious imagery to me

what's weed

just rambling about self diagnosis and my experience with it for a second feel free to ignore

self diagnosis is such an interesting thing to me because. sometimes it is so stigmatized and looked down on, but it's such a vital part in actually getting any diagnosis. some people get lucky and other people notice their symptoms and their struggles and they're able to get a diagnosis without much effort. other people aren't that lucky. other people have mental illnesses or learning disabilities or something else that they will have to seek a diagnosis for. and in order to seek that diagnosis, these people will, to some degree, have to self diagnose first.

and then there are the obvious issues with diagnosis. not everybody is able to seek and afford a diagnosis. diagnoses are not given equally and are very hard to get if you're not a white male. sometimes getting a diagnosis is actually not beneficial to people.

but there is so much pushback against self diagnosis sometimes. and self diagnosis is becoming a more common and commonly accepted thing! but some circles are still so hellbent on official diagnoses. and admittedly, some people will self diagnose without doing proper research. some people may self diagnose because something is "trendy" or seems fun. but ultimately, this is such a small proportion of people who utilize self diagnosis. people who self diagnose, for the most part, are not hurting anybody. they're not taking any resources away. they're not invalidating professional diagnosis. they are doing it to help themselves and make their lives easier.

i am a big advocate for self diagnosis. i think it can really help people improve their quality of life. and it ultimately has no downsides in my eyes. when people are smart and mindful, self diagnosis can be so valuable. even if someone does not currently have a diagnosis, finding a group of people to relate to can be so helpful. while they may not be able to seek professional help and resources, online communities can still help control symptoms and make life better. self diagnosis receives so much pushback sometimes, but it can truly be invaluable to somebody.

sometimes there's a deep urge within me to put all of my symptoms on the internet and see who has shared experiences with me and if my analysis of my experiences is possibly valid and possibly has a diagnosis. but then i remember maybe i shouldn't diagnose myself online.

i think watcher also isn't considering that having their own streaming service will almost entirely cut off any new fans. new fans will have nearly no incentive to spend money on this channel that they're just finding. their revenue and profit will stagnate and they will get stuck with the very few fans who have the money and are willing to spend it.

thinking about watcher's change from youtube to a paywall streaming service. and this just seems like such a horrible idea.

for one, i don't think a large majority of their watchers will actually follow them over! their audience is primarily people who followed them on buzzfeed as well, so it's a lot of high school to young adult age people who don't have the money to spend on a streaming service like that. additionally, not all of their fans like all of their content! undeniably, they have some very popular shows, but not enough for people to be spending this amount of money on it, especially if someone is only a fan of their channel for one or two of their shows. i don't think they have enough existing content or content coming out to justify people getting a whole streaming service for it. as much as i love them and the content they've provided, i don't think it justifies their own streaming service, and it seems like most of their fans agree.

i think making money as a creative is very difficult, and people deserve to have their hard work recognized and be able to live. watcher clearly puts a lot of money and effort into their projects and they're amazing to see. it's sad that their current ways on youtube may not be sustainable for what they want to do. but their content is made for youtube. the way that their fans consume their content is under a model of free streaming. it's completely unreasonable, and i think unsustainable, to move to a personal streaming service. and overall i think it's very sad to see.

i truly wish watcher, shane, ryan, and steven the best. i love their content and want them to be able to be sustainable. but i fear that this is not the way to do it.

if you think the posts i make are bad you should see the thoughts i am thinking. in my mind

the desire to complain about my mental illness on social media is back again

another sunny dump

disabled trans iranian in need of aid

hey so as some of you know ive been struggling with the threat of going homeless in a foreign country for almost two years now. the inflation here has gotten SO MUCH worse and my landlord almost doubled the rent. I need a way to get 250 USD extra for this months rent somehow and im so fucking scared and stressed. if you could help out by giving away even 5 dollars or reblogging. id fucking thank you forever and ever.

the good news is that this will probably be the last month i will be struggling and soon im going to have a stable house :D its just the last stretch.

also if you donate via ko-fi i will include your name as a supporter in my next youtube video which is going to be a video on nimona and my experience relating to it as a queer middle easterner.

ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/charlieisacastle

gofundme: https://gofund.me/16743833

my brother in christ how are u

i am pushing through!! overall pretty good :) i hope you are also doing well !!!

happy neil banging out the tunes day!