Donnie said something fucking wild recently and I just needed to share the experience.

But me and the gang were going to this nice bar down in 104 3rd St, place called The Ruck, and there was this real pretty lady who served us our drinks. And my dumbass friend Donnie tries to pull up the rizz on this chick. Leaning forward over the counter, head in hand, eyes half lidded like a little fairy princess in a Disney film. And he put on this wild ass "sexy" voice. Hit her with the, "Hey darlin', I was wonderin' if you could tell me: If you're here, who's running Heaven?"

And this ABSOLUTE AMAZON of a woman whipped around to him, leaned down onto the counter, and very softly said, "Hun, if I had a penny for every time I've had to answer that same damn question, I wouldn't be workin' at this dump."

And holy shit- me and the boys were HOWLING. Mad said somethin' like, "oh mate, you might as well just retire. That was too cold" and then Crimson followed it with, "How are you gonna use the cheapest one in the book? God, you're so bad at this" and poor ol' Donnie sat in shame for the rest of the night. Drank himself a couple shots of gin until he was half blind.

We almost feel bad for him, but I mean. He's just gotta up his fucking game.

If you'd be a doll and maybe comment some dating advise for my sad sack of a friend, I'll be sure to pass the message along.

DONNIE OF THE BATS SHUTTERFEST TOUR

April 17th Shutterfest Tour tickets out for pre-sale! Go get 'em quick before you lose the chance to see our beautiful faces!

Look forward to seeing ʸou! Can't believe it's been five whole years. You fuckers are the reason we get ourselves up out of bed in the mornings. Kudos to you, luvs.

VIP tickets available if you wanna get an autograph, have personal tea-chats with your favorite idiots, and maybe grab a bite to eat if we're feelin' hungry. But most of all, we'll be dedicating our time to YOU!