teshes-brainrot
please read novel ch 58
just @microwaving-tesilid-argente yapping endlessly about the rarepairs that exists only in her head (tesilid/hestio).
CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE PERKS OF BEING AN S-CLASS HEROINE
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writing a scene at the end of the fic and then going back to fill out one at the start is always incredibly funny bc. the tone suddenly becomes so lighthearted
#mimin trying to write#all my fics following the same formula of starting out with some shits and giggles and then just devolving into straight angst
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every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).
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vampire tesilid who bites hestio's neck exactly where the stigma mark is. send post.
#teshes#why would grr give hestio the stigma mark there if not for this purpose. huh. answer me this#<- deranged#anyway no explaination for this AU setting#everything is the same except one day tesilid wakes up a vampire and like really needs blold#idk if he's the same old tesilid up until now or if hes some random vampire who somehow crash landed in a holy place filled w crosses#dont ask me#wait actually thats really funny. how IS he in this place. hes probably burning up and shit no wonder he needs blood
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ARGGGGG i want to see soft fluffy domestic teshes fanart so bad....!!!!
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maybe the problem is that i'm trying to fit too much into a single snippet-driven fic... in the months since i first conceived the idea, teshes has grown so much more fleshed out. but i dont really need to explore ALL angles of it in a single fic.
(nvm the fact that the first fic alone is going to be 10k+ words...)
starting to get the feeling that fic writing isnt the way to go for this. idk like when i flesh it out it just loses its magic bc it gets too long and it takes too much time to reach the next idea. or it gets too bogged down in words and little things and it's hard for the reader to focus on what i actually want them to
also doesn't help that most of the scenes i've finished writing were written to tell you more about what tesilid thinks and feels than hestio. which is a far cry from the intro chapter so it just. feels really weird.
maybe i need to delete that intro chapter??? but how else am i supposed to introduce the reader to hestio's frame of mind, it's quite different from canon.... or do i not need it at all?
i think the problem w the current intro chap is that it's a little hamfisted... does the reader even need to know about hestio's actual thoughts on tesilid for this fic. like it really isn't the point; this fic is about how awful things would be for tesilid.
and the problem with writing only about snippets/highlights from certain rounds is that we skip all the times where hestio is being. normal and himself. bc we only focus on the times where tesilid's heart is being broken or when he catches hestio off guard and that by definition means hestio isn't acting like he normally does
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i want to see hestio go through the 5 stages of grief as he realises that there's nothing he can do to save tesilid - not from tesilid himself or from the strict order
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3 components of worldbuilding:
1. The author’s kinks
2. The author’s power fantasy
3. The author’s political agenda
Plot and logic optional
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CALL YOUR BOY LIBRARY BOOKS THE WAY IM CHECKING HIM OUT
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starting to get the feeling that fic writing isnt the way to go for this. idk like when i flesh it out it just loses its magic bc it gets too long and it takes too much time to reach the next idea. or it gets too bogged down in words and little things and it's hard for the reader to focus on what i actually want them to
also doesn't help that most of the scenes i've finished writing were written to tell you more about what tesilid thinks and feels than hestio. which is a far cry from the intro chapter so it just. feels really weird.
maybe i need to delete that intro chapter??? but how else am i supposed to introduce the reader to hestio's frame of mind, it's quite different from canon.... or do i not need it at all?
i think the problem w the current intro chap is that it's a little hamfisted... does the reader even need to know about hestio's actual thoughts on tesilid for this fic. like it really isn't the point; this fic is about how awful things would be for tesilid.
and the problem with writing only about snippets/highlights from certain rounds is that we skip all the times where hestio is being. normal and himself. bc we only focus on the times where tesilid's heart is being broken or when he catches hestio off guard and that by definition means hestio isn't acting like he normally does
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me going "yeah this fic is 60% done" and then i write a checklist of all the parts that are left and there's literally something for 12/15 chapters, and most of the things are literally "write this scene out".
girl that is not a 60% done fic, that is a fic with a complete outline and like only 10% of the final words you're going to use.
#should i be happy that im able to make myself feel things j from reading the outline#to the extent that i straight up forget that the scene has not. been written yet#good god this is a long fic#also mildly funny that a number of things i need to do is the change hestio's dialogue to make him meaner#it's honestly pretty easy to write hestio in low stakes situations#but when things are angsty i default to making him soft#which is not.... its not really it..... i mean he's perfectly capable of not blowing his top sometimes but like#during the particularly angsty part in the middle its like. you might forget youre reading about hestoo#and Thats Not Good.....#me making a note every other month: 'make hestio meaner'
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reread my wip from feb and it made me laugh and then kneed me in the solar plexus
#WHY IS THERE SO MUCH YEARNING IN THIS#NOW IM HURTING#self-inflicted dmg... and who knows how many more times ill have to do this before i finish writing it#whys it already doing so much dmg to me when it's only like 60% done
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calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.
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ok but hestio/ephael is also so good tho
#their dynamic is SO funny#they literally just do whatever they want with each other and cant shut up about each other#'wow that bag is great! hestio buy it for me'#'hey ephael! protect me!'#unlike teshes i dont have to conjure a cute dynamic for them out of nowhere its already here#the way theyre literally stuck by each others' sides since long ago. so cute#they stayed best friends for their whole lives...#the way ephael takes hestio's mean personality in his stride and happily banters back
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their doomed yaoi vibes where i keep making hestio accidentally make tesilid's mental health in all subsequent rounds way worse
#teshes#spoilers in tags for the fics i guess#hestio voice oh no this mf thinks no one in the world cares about him i better let him know thats not true#(doesnt know that tesilid is regressing and now has to deal with their relationship in every round from now on#doesnt matter if they get tgt or not in those rounds bc either way tesilid is losing)#oh no this guy is caught in an infinite regression and if he keeps trying to save us i think his mind is going to break#better let him know that i wont blame him even if he doesnt save us#(accidentally erases one of tesilid's most impt reasons for getting up everyday bc if he doesnt even hv this goal then what does he hv?)#(tesilid stumbles even faster into depression)#(and hestio isnt even there to fix it. smh. bc he's dead.)
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