hi! i am not dead! i got stuck on a mountain this weekend and have been recovering this week. also. i saw cowboys. real cowboys. and brand new baby cows. i love you all and i miss you all and i am going through a lot right now but i will be back to do replies once i've healed up from the rough scary trip this weekend.

boy do i want to write today. unfortunately, i just spend a week with family, visiting friends, running around all day every day and i am so tired and ill now. hard core recovery time. i'm hoping to hop on to do replies tomorrow. today is a chinese food and baldur's gate in bed kind of recovery day.

"it's not sad, i get why you might feel that way. i don't think it's sad, he wants to help you find someone. i don't do the apps, not a lot of people looking for a real relationship, just some—short term, bullshit, hook up situationship thing. not that i think everyone should be looking for a commitment, i just find it harder to find someone on apps." tate had only ever dated people she met out in the wild, or through a friend. logan's words struck her, perhaps that was the reason she felt so uncomfortable telling her about max, about the break up and the shit relationship. she never wanted to be that girl. "i have terrible taste, or luck. maybe a little of both. i tend to date assholes, some are just better at hiding it than others. i don't think i could date someone who didn't like kids. not even all kids. i'll even take the people who love the kids in their family, their nieces and nephews but don't do well with other kids. you deserve better than that. better than women in it for the thrill but not for you."

shrugging a little, she wondered if she didn't push it enough. maybe she didn't want to. keegan never really brought anyone around alex, either, but he wasn't the type that liked committed relationships. logan? all she wanted was one, but she could never find the right one. wrong time, wrong person. she'd fall into bed with many women, only to be called upon when they needed one thing from her. with her big heart, she sure didn't get to use it very often. "i'm not good at pickin' women out. keegan would say that i am volatile and that i need to let him sign me up for apps and swipe for me. but that feels sad, y'know?" she laughed a little, the idea of keegan picking out a woman for her. he'd probably be just as bad as she was. "i tend to get involved with women who, uh, tell me how shitty their boyfriend is and that they just need someone to appreciate them the way he can't. then... y'know, they ghost me. find out they're engaged to him, or whatever." she paused, and then rubbed the back of her neck. "or, like, i'll date people in bands. and they're not faithful at all, but super hot. somehow i can swing with them for a bit, but when i bring up having a kid it's radio silence."

tate finally pulled her hands back, tucking them in her lap as logan made another joke. it couldn't be that logan really thought so little of herself, the thought was too much for tate's heart, and she hardly knew her at all. she felt like they knew each other a lot of the time, like they'd been friends long enough for the ease of time to slip in. except of course when someone made the conversation veer, something more anxious and nervous, more familiar to people who'd met only a few nights ago. "wait, are you serious?" tate's brows pinched together as she sat up straight, surprise and confusion painted together across her features. "i mean—i understand you not wanting people you date to meet alex right off the bat. i've seen it first hand how kids can get confused and upset when they meet the new girlfriend or boyfriend only for them to leave, leaving the kid too. you've never dated someone who was willing to meet alex, though?"

blinking, logan stared forward as she was met with tate's words. she felt bad for potentially making her feel bad, the two of them both awkwardly trying to navigate the conversation now that logan decided to go and push the envelope. useless little gay, she could hear keegan's voice and that helped her a little bit. she knew she was the epitome of a lesbian, the stereotype. ready to move in with someone after the first meeting? god. "alright, fine, i'm a little bit better than kathy griffin but that's only because i have tact." the self-deprication was only fun for herself, apparently, but she did it anyway. it was the only way she knew how to get through a conversation without crumbling into a pile of self-doubt. "well, don't worry, the minute someone finds out i'm a mom definitely cuts my odds. significantly. in fact, i don't think i've actually dated someone to the point where they'd, like, be down to meet alex."

tate was the one reaching out now, both hands clasping logan's arm as she back pedaled. tate's chest hurt, she couldn't explain why but still she reached out for logan. "no, no, i didn't—i didn't think that was why you said it." she promised, shaking her head as if her words weren't enough. she'd embarrassed the other woman, and she couldn't tell if she'd been reading into things, but either way, the last thing she wanted to do was to make logan uncomfortable. "okay, okay, i pride myself on honesty, and you are no where near kathy griffin, i can promise you that. a girl like me, hell, me even, would be lucky to get to know you and date you. you're too cool, remember? i might look like a different league, but—" logan paused, lips pursed together for a moment, "i know it was a compliment, and i really appreciate it, i like to think the plant and creature win me some points. the teacher thing is usually considered endearing, for most people, though i've sent people running for the hills over it." she was rambling now, cheeks too hot, heart too fast.

something about the comment made logan almost cringe. it was dumb to make a slight reference, to dip her toe in the proverbial pond of potential flirtation but she realized it was way too fast. and maybe she was totally picking up on vibes that weren't there, and her face was turning red once again and she forced a grin. "no, i mean... that's not why i said it, or anything. i just was... it was a joke, y'know? a joke and a compliment, i'm not⸺i'm not interested in dating, sorry. if you thought that's what i was trying to say." she fumbled over her words desperately, feeling sweat build up at the back of her neck, the nerves of swinging and missing (in her head). rejection was usually pretty easy to take, she was mostly beating herself up for fucking up the vibe. "you're totally out of my league, though. in a platonic way! i'm on the D list with, like, kathy griffin. you're not far off from sarah paulson."

"oh god, that would cut way too deep. i don't know if i could watch." she scrunched her nose and shook her head, the idea of meeting prior version of herself sending a tizzy of anxiety through her. if it had just been the wink, tate was certain that she might have passed out, teasing too much to keep her head on proper. however, logan followed up with the idea that tate and logan wouldn't be in the same league, that logan didn't have a chance with tate, and it was a mixture of spinning around her room with her arms out until she got dizzy, that feeling when you get confirmation that someone you like likes you, and the fear that tate was too messy to even be in a league above when she felt two leagues below most of the time. "i don't know if i've met anyone in the league sarah paulson is in." tate felt a nervous laugh bubble in her chest, cheeks pink and the undeniable urge to act like a school girl again, twirl her hair or something. "i wouldn't say we're in different leagues though, logan. i think i would just be too messy to date, for anyone really."

"i think the best horror movie would be all of us reuniting with our nineteen year old selves, so... i definitely believe that." when it seemed to have worked, logan leaned back into her seat and felt pleased with herself. if only a little bit. she liked to make her laugh, even if it was the smallest little chuckle. she was laughing a little, the gum analogy seemingly the nail in the coffin. good. her skin felt warm and prickly when tate would talk about how cool she was. "well then, that just goes to show i can't trust your opinion," she teased, winking at her to indicate she definitely was not serious about that. "your bias is gonna be the death of me. you're gonna inflate my ego so much i'm gonna think i have a chance with girls way outta my league. like you or sarah paulson."

Maika Monroe in Greta

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MAIKA  MONROE  GIF  PACK  :  watcher  (  2022  ),  part  ½

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another touch, another flutter. logan's eyes found her's, a prickle beneath her cheeks once more. "a little hard on myself, i like to blame that on the catholicism." she admitted with a sheepish laugh. "i've been worse, i know that. nineteen year old tate was a monster, i don't think anyone should have to endure her again. post long term relationship that i should have left a long time ago me, she's not so bad in comparison." tate chuckled, a nervous hand brushing through her hair. "okay, the gum thing? that would be too far. even the idea of that makes—no, no i don't think i'd think you were the coolest in that instance." her nose scrunched as she pushed the idea out of her head. "there's nothing wrong with a little ego, logan. besides, i'm biased. big or small, you played a role in getting me out of a terrible relationship. i don't mean to put you on a pedestal, i swear. i can't help if you saved me and you also happen to be pretty remarkable." tate gave a light shrug of her shoulders.

logan found herself shaking her head, fully leaning over the table so that she could firmly set a hand on the other's forearm. "if this is you at your worst, you're right. i can't imagine what's gonna happen because you're absolutely not pathetic or pitiful or any of that kinda shit." she had pulled back, trying to make sure that when she could see her, she was looking into her eyes, completely seriously. logan wasn't sure if she was comforting, or convincing, but she sort of just let her heart do what it needed and didn't think about it. her brain often didn't work in situations like this. "i think you're biased. i think that i could tell you that i like to pick gum off of the bottom of park benches, and you would find a way to make that seem cool. you're too nice to me." but, logan had to admit, on the outside it seemed so. but in reality, she was a thirty-something year old throwing herself into mosh pits to feel something. or forget about everything. "you're gonna give me an ego, tate. i haven't had one of those yet."

MAIKA  MONROE  GIF  PACK  :  watcher  (  2022  ),  part  2/2

      hello,  hello  !  i’m  coming  back  with  the  second  part  of  my  free  gif  pack  !  over  here  you  can  find  136  high-quality  gifs  of  maika  monroe,  starring  in  watcher  (  2022  ).  both  of  the  packs  give  in  total  280  high-quality  gifs  !  i  made  all  of  them  from  scratch  so  please  do  not  claim  as  yours.  as  always,  you  can  turn  them  into  gif  icons  c:  if  you  find  them  useful,  please  LIKE  AND  /  OR  REBLOG.  means  a  world  to  me.

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I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

JACK HUGHES 2024 Stadium Series - 2.16.2024

Okay, but consider this: an ancient / immortal being and a time traveler that keep running into each other throughout different periods of history… 

MAIKA MONROE as Julia in Watcher (2022)

SENSE AND SENSIBILITY (1995) dir. Ang Lee