Xanadu

Wen tapped her Xanadu-colored pencil against her TJ Maxx-purchased sketch book, in odd-timed intervals, mostly to Bon Iver's "Flume." Xanadu, a green-ish color named after a philodendron leaf, was the color of the Dickie's work pants she imagined the overweight man she was sketching wore. Maybe not in the Peter Griffin cartoon uniform sense, but he probably wore it a great deal - the stress lines near the thighs supported this claim. Wen didn't always daydream about what this chubby guy's wardrobe consisted of or what condition they were in after a 10-minute walk around the local GameStop, but she did dream. And often. Even in the back booth at the Northern Cafe she was currently sitting in. Her long, jet black hair served as a privacy curtain

Her little hands - not like...creepily little, but in a way definitely proportionate to her 5'1 frame - skated around the page, cresting waves of graphite to form his thick, angular hair (undecided of a music genre or time period). She managed to fit in some strategically placed neck folds, mostly to accentuate his likes-to-sit physique, but also to suggest he was about to turn his head and say things like "Hi, Wen!" and "I love you, Wen!." Or maybe a couple "Kiss me, Wen"s.

She shaded the curves, implying breasts, under his Sigur Rós baseball tee, but made sure to suggest he had a masculine physique. Of course, not in the classical Greek anatomy - possibly, and still kinda pushing it, an older, more relaxed Bruce Willis. Think every movie AFTER the Kevin Smith directed Cop Out (not very good).

She stopped and decided what kind of shoes would this person wear. Sneakers? Skate shoes? Huaraches?

"He'll wear low-cut leather boots. Yeah. No, yeah, because he probably ruined his New Balances from walking around cons. Cons. Cons. Cons. I like saying "cons."

She liked to mumble to herself while drawing. It put her at ease. She never talked to her subjects, nor did she think her subjects were real, but she knew there was something about this boy. Man? Manboy? There was something about the way he stood...eh...slouched. She liked his large hands, and not because SHE drew them, but because she could draw them. Hands were a big deal at RISD (pronounced RIZ-DEE for the uninitiated). If  you could pull off five digits, you could stick one digit up at the world. Fuck you, hand plebs. The Rhode Island School of Design once held an 8-hour workshop on drawing hands within the context of a feminist lens in post-Obama America.

What made her uncomfortable was this man wasn't just a 2D object on 100% recycled paper. He wasn't just the product of four years at an art college whose mascot is a penis/scrotum combo. Or 20 years of doodling alone under a maroon woven blanket. Or even the pretentious color naming standards of Caran D'Ache's pencil marketing team. He was solid flesh, sitting on the other side of that back booth, staring at her. That was all he was really good for. Staring. Blinking. Examining. At least...at that very moment. He's generally talkative, inquisitive, and mostly curious about things. Wen looked up from her sketch book and decided to not mumble to herself for once.

"I'm glad you're a little overweight..."

"Why?"

"More to draw."

A Letter to the Customer Support Department of Stacy's® Pita Chip Company, Inc. by Celia B.

To Whom It May Concern,

I'd first like to take the time to introduce myself. My name is Celia B. The "B" stands for "Bad Experience With Your Product." As a decade-long attendee of the Natural Products Expo West (with a one-time stint as "almond distribution technician" for Uncle Rick's Bag O' Nuts Organic Nuttery and Brittle Kitchen), I know the taste of twice baked pita, thoughtfully flavored with Parmesan Garlic and Herbs. However, that is not what my taste buds [(nor my actual buds Karen, Meagen (NOT MEGHAN), and Geoffrey)] discerned with . And I am, believe you me, a person with discerning tastes.

Instead of requesting the refunded amount of $3.55 - mind you the 1913 equivalent of $87.34 (thank you, usinflationcalculator.com) - I would like for you (in good faith) to donate the previously stated cost of an 8 oz. bag of Stacy's Baked Pita Chips, Parmesan Garlic and & Herb to Chinchillas 4 Life chinchilla rehoming and rescue foundation. Crepuscular rodents are my life's passion, and I have dedicated my life to my two Chinchilla lanigeras (the larger-eared variety), Dahrma and Greg.

If you should find my request at the very least feasible, then I shall concede my daily blather of “these are not good” and “I’ve tasted slightly better” at the Rosemead Adult Women’s Young Adult Genre Book Club. Godspeed to you, and may your snack offerings improve with this imbued wisdom. 

Thank you.

Sincerely, Celia B. 

A Review of Inuyasha Episode 1 by 14-Year-Old Celia Beth

This is a fictional account of my co-worker, Celia, who at some point in her life was a huge fan of the animated Rumiko Takahashi series, Inuyasha. I’d never actually seen it in my 20+ years of watching anime (I pulled it up on Youtube), so I just picked the most awkward and funniest age to picture her writing this. Enjoy.

Hi! Uh..hello. I'm Celia. Beth is my middle name.  I'm 14 and a freshman in high school. I'd give you my last name if this funny thing called Google wasn't around. Otherwise, you'd be perusing my Myspace page, and I don't want you seeing what All Time Low song I'm reeeeaaaalllyyy into right now (here's a hint: it rhymes with Shmaria).

Anyway, this is the first of many posts dedicated to the current anime I'm watching. My bestest guy friend, Declan Schafer, let me borrow his Inuyasha DVD after homeroom. Declan's the kind of guy that doesn't let anyone borrow his things. Not even a tissue. But I've finagled my way through his cold mallgoth heart to gain access to his anime collection (if you don't know what anime is, it's basically cool cartoons from Japan ^_^). Go watch Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon NOW.

Not to spoil TOO MUCH, but so like, the first episode of Inuysha is basically about this weird half-demon dude in Fuedal Japan trying to steal this sacred jewel that gives people crazy powers. At the beginning of the episode, he gets pinned to this tree by this girl named Kikyo (killlerrr bangszzzz btw). Cut to present day and there's this girl named Kagome who totally looks like Kikyo. Her outfit is basically a Sailor Moon-style high school outfit. I'm guessing that's just what teenage girls in Japan wear. So like she gets sucked into her family's well by this big naked centipede woman and wakes up in Inuyasha's time period. Everyone is telling her she looks like Kikyo. She meets Inuyasha (who looks like this half-cat/half human dude with long white hair), and she releases him from the tree. From there, I guess I can just let you guys watch the episode!

In my 4 years of watching anime, I can say that Inuyasha is probably the best there is. I know it's been here in the U.S.A. since like 2002, but I really enjoy the mix of historical Japan and fantasy/folklore themes. Kagome's quick transition from modern Japan to fuedal times was kind of overwhelming, as we don't get to see enough of her life at home in the 90s (lol I was too young to remember the 90s anyway). I do enjoy the fact that the main character is a girl and, at some point in the show, is a total bada**. Inuyasha, on the other hand, kinda weirds me out. His cat ears and white hair, I'm guessing, are to show that he's some sort of demon. I'm guessing him and Kagome are going to end up together, but I try not to look too far ahead into the ending.

The animation is pretty cool. The art style is fluid and the character design is pretty interesting. The animators didn't over-do it with the fantasy themes. Everything just seems to make sense, and that's saying a lot for an anime lol. Well, that's it. There's only 3 episodes on the DVD that Declan gave me, so I'm gonna have to convince him to lend me more. I foresee many bags of Hot Cheetos in his future. I give this episode 4 out of 5 GLOMPS! See you soon! - C