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idk anymore
i dont know what to do anymore. summer vacation is next week and ill probably loose all of my friends, i think i alredy lost by best friend, i hope someone tales good care of her. i never knew why i was her best friend to start with, shes friends with so many people that are better friends than i am, i just dont understand.
im gonna go drink drink with my cousin this afternoon, and tomorrow ill bring alcohol to school, i didnt want to do that but, my "best friend" begged me to do it, she says im still her friend, i dont trust her, maybe after tomorrow we can be best friends again
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family
i like my cousin and his family but, his mom and him argue a lot, i hate when they do that, im not used to that and i cant do anything but sit here with my mouth shut. sometimes i think its my fault, i hope its not.
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bad day
today was fucking awful, i almost cried at the party because of how emotionally distressed i was. i wont blame her for everything but, most of it was because of her
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:)
some random people from my class sometimes come and sit down with me to talk, thats kinda nice of them. i enjoy it
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why
im at my schools party, i didnt want to come because i knew i wouldnt talk to anyone, but my friends kept telling me to come so i did, só here i am, sitting on the floor by myself
my friends did come to say hi but it always went like this :
friend: hey cmon let go talk to other people
me: ok
friend: *finds some random person and start talking to them*
me:
friend: *leaves with the random person*
me: ok then *sits on the floor*
this has happened like, 5 times alredy :c
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i think i make her uncomfortable
she doesnt like when i talk about alcohol, at least i think she doesnt, and maybe she doesnt like when i drink it. well, i hope things between us sre okay, shes the one that holds me together, i cant imagine how my life would be without her, maybe i wouldnt even be here
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sad
im sad, i dont know why, it just hit me like a satellite. everything seems so meaningless, i dont have anything to do, dont have anyone to do anything with, dont have anything to say, dont have anything to give, im scared that soon i wont have anything to feel.
maybe it was the party.
last night i went to my friends party, and there was a lot of alcohol, every time i drink alcohol i get very sad the next day, but i didnt drink much, like, maybe 8 glasses of cheap liquor.
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hey
i dont know if there are other people who do this but, this account is made for me to rant about stuff
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