lostkamabo​:

Closed starter for @telephobos

It’s not often the human leaves her tiny dormitory. At least not as often as she’d like...

But she has to get food sometime, right?

Supply runs were rough. And she felt ridiculous doing them— she shouldn’t have to hide her hair and put her hood up tightly around her head to go to the store- but that’s just how things were now. Humans were nothing more than a blip in time.

It was pretty easy to sneak to the spinal phase- she’s done it before. Getting it to work? That’s another story.

Ah, there’s an intruder. How often has something like this happened now? Every now and then, one of those cephalopods would get a little too curious for their own good. 

Every now and then, Tartar would have to do something about that. But there wasn’t any harm in giving them a fair warning over the intercom first. 

“You are trespassing on private property. State your business, and then leave.” Tartar ordered over the intercom. 

“Mario, I remember when they first invented Mario. Sweet sweet Mario.” 

“I ALWAYS HATED HIM.” 

octaling‌:

“…oh my…”

That’s it, this grown man Octopus is just shuffling around,looking at all these cheesy souvenirs, these little mementos of one trip .

“I’m so happy you got to do something awesome, jaja! I mean, you deserved that vacation!

Time to give a phonebro the biggest, warmest of hugs.

“It felt amazing to go on such a vacation. I can see why people do it now... maybe I should take one in another 100 years.” 

And besides, if humans could take a break and still do amazing things, he could too! A pleased ringing noise comes from the phone as he’s hugged. 

octaling‌:

HIGH-EIGHT

“So, how was that vacation? Did you see many cool things, jajaja? Was the food good? Do you have any photos? Did you bring me a souvenir, jajaja?”

“I didn’t get you a souvenir... I got you a box full of souvenirs!” 

Sure enough, the phone pulls out a box full of extremely cheesy, tourist trap brand souvenirs! 

spicy-beats‌:

“I WANTED TO HAVE A COOL SHOW, AND I NEEDED A FRESH OPENING ACT - DJ SANGO JUST WASN’T HAVING IT, SO I HAD TO GENTLY PERSUADE THEM.”

“THAT’S NICE, YO. YO GOT PICTURES OF THE VACATION?”

“I see... I thought hijacking was my job though...” 

“Oh, I have tons of pictures of my vacation. I can’t wait to show them off to everyone!” 

octaling‌:

Oh god, he’s crying, he’s happily crying.

“Give me a high-eight my dude, jajaja!”

Tartar extends his receiver, he’s ready for that high-five! 

“It’s been so long!” 

askdjoctavio‌:

“Chaos won, meaning I’m allowed to do a redo on one of my favorite splatfests just for kicks. Sorry, thems the rules!” 

“Very well, then I’ll bring my own sauce into the mix...” 

“NILS! PREPARE THE MUSTARD!” 

spicy-beats‌:

“I’M BACK IN THE SNOWGLOBE BECAUSE I KINDA HIJACKED AGENT 3′S BRAIN.”

“AT LEAST THERE IS SOCIAL MEDIA. WATERBOAT YOU, MY PHONEY FRIEND!”

“Wait what.” 

“Well, me and C.Q. went on vacation. We were working for 100 years without a day off, so I decided that we deserved it!” 

“I thought we all agreed that we were DONE with these Splatfests!” 

The Squid Research Lab has been informed that a bonus one-time Splatfest is on the way! This Splatfest will once again pit Mayonnaise against Ketchup, which was the theme of the first Splatoon 2 Splatfest. And before you mention the Cake vs. Ice Cream Splatfest, please remember that we’re the scientists here. It appears fans of the tomato-y condiment will have a chance to snatch the crown away from fans of the egg-y edible! This caper to crown the condiment king kicks off 5/22 at 3pm PT and ends 5/24 at 3pm PT.

octolied‌:

“Oh snap! I’m down with that… did you get bath bombs too?”

“Hell yeah I did.” 

octolied‌:

“…I think. I’m getting the wrong implications… uh is a conveyor belt involved?”

“...It’s a bubble bath. It’s lavender-scented.” 

octolied‌:

“You know… phones supposedly have a lot of germs on them… so… maybe you should wash your entire body.”

“A fantastic idea. I shall do so right away. You need to be cleaned as well, though.” 

“Be sure to properly sanitize yourself during this time! Wash those hands!” 

“If you don’t, I will make you.” 

octolied‌:

“Wait for the day… you get v’d.”

“You fool, I am the one who does the v’ing.” 

octolied‌:

“Kambo Co. was a mistake!”

“Whatcha gonna do about it, binch?” 

While we here at the Squid Research Lab wouldn’t necessarily describe the sights, sounds (and smells) of the Deepsea Metro as “romantic”, Agent 3, Agent 8, and Cap’n Cuttlefish would nevertheless like to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day!