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Top 10 Dogs of All Time
1. Air Bud (Air Bud - 1997)
An explanation here isn’t needed but in case you were born, raised, and still live under a rock, Air Bud is greatest dog of all time. A GREAT boy that somehow perseveres through having no opposable thumbs and basically just four legs to play the great game of basketball better than Air Jordan himself.
2. My neighbor’s dog Jeremy
A “decent” boy, needs to work on his roll over game. Clearly not as cute as Air Bud and also doesn’t even play a sport. When you think about it he hasn’t done shit compared to Air Bud.
3. Air Bud (Air Bud: Golden Receiver - 1998)
Here we have Air Bud once again. Obviously. This time he’s playing football and looking like a damn God while doing it. According to Tom Brady, “Air Bud is 5,000 times better than me and I’m basically a pussy compared to him.” Amazing. Air Bud strikes again.
4. This dog I saw at the park
A “getting there” boy, he has good personality but gets far too greedy when you pet him. But look, he’s no Air Bud. Notice how wrinkly his face is. Is Air Bud wrinkly? No. So this dog is ugly and sucks.
5. Air Bud (Air Bud: World Pup - 2000)
Ah, back on track. Here we have our savior again, this time playing soccer. It was rumored that when Air Bud was just a puppy he nut megged Lionel Messi and has been better than him since. What. A. Good. Boy.
6. This dog I guess.
So mediocre. Damn, while I was looking at this dog my mind drifted off and I starting thinking about Air Bud, clearly the better K9. Honestly I can’t even look at this inferior thing anymore. Get out of here.
7. Air Bud (Air Bud: Spikes Back - 2003)
YES. He is BACK. Oh...what? What’s that? You thought Air Bud was only a three sport athlete? Hell no. Air Bud plays the shit out of volley ball and you know for a fact that he’s a king at it. Just look at that stud.
8. Yeah whatever this thing.
Blah blah blah blah blah let’s get back to Air Bud.
9. Air Bud (Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch - 2002)
ANOTHER SPORT? You’re damn right. This Renaissance man of a dog even plays baseball. Step aside Big Papi, Air Bud is coming for your NECK. Okay, maybe not your neck but he’s really good so back off bud.
10. Who cares. It’s not air bud. It’s just an inferior normal ass dog.
What a waste of a dog. Seriously. Just laying there, not even playing basketball, football, soccer, volley ball, or baseball. Just laying there. Such a shame. Be like Air Bud you damn husky.
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10 Reasons Why I’m Pretty Sure My Son Has Been Possessed by a Demon That Loves ChalkZone
Ever since I brought home a piece of ancient chalk that I discovered at an Archaeological site, my six year old son won’t stop talking about the 2002 Nickelodeon cartoon show ChalkZone. I’m pretty sure he’s become possessed by an obsessed demon. These are my ten reasons why.
1. He speaks in an unnaturally deep voice, but also it’s always about ChalkZone
My son normally speaks very quickly and with the high-pitched voice of a regular kindergartner. Recently he has begun to speak with a low, distorted voice that has the exact quality of an angry spirit from centuries long since passed. When he speaks it chills me to my very core, but it is also always an opinion or thought about the adventures of Rudy, Snap, and Penny within the magical world of the ChalkZone.
2. He has made a LOT of fan art
Even though he used to need help operating an iPad, my son has suddenly become very proficient with computers. Specifically he has become an overnight expert with pre-installed Microsoft “paint” app. He has used this knowledge solely to create recreations of his favorite ChalkZone characters and moments. This picture of Rudy and Snap is his best piece so far.
3. He won’t stop saying “Rudy’s got the chalk”
The theme song to ChalkZone is really just the chant “Rudy’s got the chalk” over and over again set to a beat. Most of my son’s day is spent sitting in a chair without moving, just chanting this hymn to himself for hours.
4. I haven’t seen my wife in days and he keeps telling me that “Mommy is in the Zone”
My wife disappeared shortly after I brought home the ancient piece of chalk I discovered. I have filed a missing person report with the police and I call her cell phone every day. Whenever I make the call, it goes straight to voicemail. My son always appears soon after to tell me that “Mommy is in The Zone”.
5. He keeps watching ChalkZone on YouTube
Despite the show being over a decade old my son still manages to find full episodes on YouTube. He will stay up for all hours of the night just re-watching his favorite episodes.
6. He refuses to eat anything that isn’t Chalk
My son has always been a picky eater, but I always managed to get him to eat something. Now, instead of eating, he will just projectile vomit mass amounts of acidic bile directly at me. The only way I have managed to get him to eat anything is to convince him that it’s chalk. When he finds out that what I made him eat was not chalk, he threatens to devour my soul instead.
7. He has a complete understanding of human reproductive systems
The closest I have ever come to talking to my son about sex is telling him that babies are delivered to new mommies and daddies by a stork. Recently he has started making remarks about my rapidly increasing infertility and how, if I ever wish to sire a child again, I need to find him more and more chalk.
8. His pupils have completely disappeared.
While I’m still not entirely sure if my son is possessed, I am pretty confident that he is at least a little sick. His pupils have completely disappeared from his eyes and my repeated attempts to get him to go to a doctor have all ended up futile. Now it’s difficult to tell if is looking at me, or if he is even looking at anything at all.
9. He keeps crawling on the ceiling and when I tell him to stop he says “Everything is allowed in the ChalkZone”
My son has become increasingly disobedient. He won’t eat, allow me to take him to the doctor, and he won’t stop crawling on the ceiling even when I tell him twice. He has been climbing on the ceiling like a spider as his main way of getting around the house and whenever I tell him to stop he just says that “Everything is allowed in the ChalkZone.”
10. Seriously he won’t shut up about ChalkZone
I’m not sure if I’m doing a good job getting this across, but he won’t stop talking about ChalkZone. I’ve never even seen the show, yet I can still probably name every character no problem. This is only after a week with living with him. I’m not sure if he’s possessed by a demon or if this is just a phase, but I really hope it sorts itself out.
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Top 10 Presidents who had unusual pets.
1. Thomas Jefferson had two grizzly bear cubs.
Yes, these may not be grizzly bear cubs but the fact that any president would have bear cubs as pets is pretty awesome. Unable to keep them forever he sent them to Peale’s Museum.
2. John Quincy Adams had an alligator
JQA certainly had the most odd/interesting of pets. The only logical place to put it was in the bathroom.
3. Martin Van Buren had two tiger cubs
Possibly the most exotic of pets for a president to have, Van Buren’s tiger cubs were given to him by Kabul al Said, Sultan of Oman. While he enjoyed his pets, congress forced him to take them to the local zoo.
4. Benjamin Harrison had two opposums
Harrison named the opossums Mr. Protection and Mr. Reciprocity which was the platform of the Republican party at the time.
5. Theodore Roosevelt has a hyena
Of all the presidents, Theodore Roosevelt had the most pets. One of them was the hyena given by Emperor Menelik II of Ethiopia.
6. Woodrow Wilson had a ram
Wilson’s ram led a flock of sheep on the White House lawn. There by giving the White House gardeners a chance to fight in WWI. It also chewed tobacco.
7. Calvin Coolidge had a bobcat (I couldn’t find a GIF of Calvin Coolidge)
A gift from the Great Smokey Mountain Association, the Coolidges wanted nothing to do with it. But they kept it because it was caught in Tennessee which was the tightest Republican stronghold at the time.
8. James Buchanan had two bald eagles (I couldn’t find a GIF of James Buchanan)
Without a wife or child, Buchanan’s eagles were the only thing that kept him company.
9. Ulysses Grant had two gamecocks
The gamecocks were owned by Grant’s son Jesse. It is unknown if Grant participated in cockfighting which was legal at the time.
10. Grover Cleveland had exotic fish
Cleveland kept his exotic fish in the conservatory pools in the White House.
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Who’s going to win the world series?
Johnny’s on the case!
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9 Babies with jobs they are woefully unqualified for:
1. Teacher
Our children can't be taught by smaller children! Teachers like this baby are the reason we are lagging behind China.
2. Chef
When have you ever heard a baby ask "Do you need a bite to eat?"
Exactly.
3. Police Officer
How is this baby supposed to stand up for the law when it can't even stand up on it's own two legs?
4. Stock Broker
It's babies like this one that caused the worlds economy to collapse in 2007. Shame on you baby!
5. Receptionist
I don't like to generalize but babies usually have terrible organizational skills.
6. Surgeon
This one is actually a bit personal. This is Dr. Willie Griswald, he was the surgeon tasked with performing my mother heart transplant. There were complications and she died on the operating table. I'd like to think if the surgeon hadn’t been a baby this wouldn’t have happend.
7. Football player
A baby will never make it in the NFL, not even as kicker.
8. Pilot
Can we at least agree that these babies should have an adult co-pilot?
9. Batman
It's BatMAN not Batbaby!
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What the World Looks Like When You’re Biracial
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The John And Ken Show is one of the largest local radio talk shows in America, and so far right on the destitute that they’re outside their studio and wearing wireless mics to directly mock a homeless encampment. That isn’t a metaphor. They did that last month.
The eponymous John and Ken – and they’d think that big word is an elite insult – donned wireless headsets and mics to lead dozens of fans on a safari excursion through a Santa Ana campsite.
Gloating over those on the street and radio transmitting it to millions listening along in their homes? That’s the kind of scheme you’d get if Rush Limbaugh ran SPECTRE. John and Ken gloatingly recorded a woman with clear mental issues, criticized the smell, then blamed local charities for feeding those in need, as if human beings were some species of rat attracted by food left lying around. Jesus, even Scrooge only got annoyed when directly bothered for donations; he didn’t set up a chair outside the workhouse to holler at the poor filing past.
When your solution to any problem is letting people starve to death in the street, you probably shouldn’t be talking in public, let alone on air. In fact, maybe they should have their talking privileges totally removed for a few days. Because if the theme of your show is “Haha, the HOMELESS!” then you deserve to sit in the corner with your back to the rest of the class until you recognize what you’ve done.
Live-In Sex Servants: 6 Ways People Exploit The Homeless
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22 Hilarious Posts That Are Absolute Tumblr Classics
Put these in a museum. An endless blue perfect garbage museum.
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10 Ridiculously Funny Thoughts Tumblr Has About Sex
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10 Creepiest Places in Chicagoland that You Should Be More Afraid Of
It's October and it's the season of seeking out spooky spots in the neighborhood! Everybody in Chicagoland knows their Resurrection Marys and their Cuba Roads and their Bachelor's Groves, but here are some lesser-known spook-spots that you should show more fearful respect to. Now, we here at [this website] don't condone or encourage trespassing… but there's no reason we can't make you curious!
1. Robinson Woods
In the Cook County Forest Preserve between Rosemont and Norridge, people in ghost-hunting circles have been wondering how Robinson Woods isn't more infamous amongst us normal people. A family of Native Americans had had their home there as the area was built around them, and they were buried on the property—as for their actual house, it mysteriously burned down so thoroughly that nobody is even sure where it used to be. Reports include strange lights, oddly sweet smells, and, maybe the weirdest thing, overly-friendly animals. The deer are actually known to follow you around—or are they stalking you!? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW1Tz0hxLoE]
2. Sunset Memorial Lawns
This cemetery in Northbrook was a favorite for local teenagers looking for a spook—"was", because the owners have put in a gate and changed the closing time to well before sunset (so much for the name). Reports include black figures, floating lights, uneasy feelings, and streetlights going on or off by themselves, all in unison, and in a way that makes it clear that it's not some automated thing. Perhaps the scariest thing though? This cemetery has a Yelp page… with a one-star review
[https://www.yelp.com/biz/sunset-memorial-lawns-northbrook]
3. St. Mary's Cemetery
Last cemetery for awhile, I promise. Fans of ghost-photography know of this Buffalo Grove burial ground from a pair of famous photos snapped here in 1997. A general sense of uneasiness is still reported at this graveyard behind the namesake church.
[http://www.prairieghosts.com/stmary.html]
4. "The Best Buy House"
Famous with anyone from Niles or Des Plaines, this house stood at the end of a frontage road and was next to the Best Buy store from which it got its name. Local youth would often throw rocks at the abandoned house, only to have the front door slam on them and the rocks thrown right back! Faces and swaying curtains were also seen in the windows… until they were boarded up. But now nobody can see any of those since the house was since torn down circa 2012 (the namesake Best Buy is also gone—real bad foundational issues). But locals still say that orbs can still be seen on the now-vacant lot, which give off not just light, but a distinct feeling of dread. Or maybe that feeling is just knowing that you're trespassing in an area where that law is actually enforced.
[https://www.google.com/maps/@42.0545105,-87.8413126,3a,37.5y,225.69h,87.22t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1seaLV3d1xBazRA202XNWooQ!2e0!7i3328!8i1664?hl=en]
5. Lincolnwood Town Center (The EXPRESS Store)
One particular store in this mall has a reputation for being haunted. While this may seem like the most sarcastic entry on this list, it has a very real story behind it—in 2003, a 6-year-old boy was tragically killed by a falling mirror, which was not properly glued to the wall, in the Express. These days, employees of this store and its neighbors say you can still hear screams and children laughing late after closing.
[http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2003-06-02/news/0306020067_1_fitting-room-shopping-mall-limited-brands]
6. Casey Road
This road in Libertyville gets overshadowed in popularity by its similarly-spooked neighbors, like the Gate and Cuba Road, but the locals know its infamy just fine. The road is said to be haunted by a homeless man from downtown Chicago whose body was found along the road some years ago—but there's some confusion over how many years. Dubbed "Tom", a common theme of his story is that he was picked up by some bad people who were trying to practice new ways to get rid of their enemies, but as this legend has only picked up steam in the last couple of years, nobody agrees whether they were 1930s mobsters, seventies mafiosi, or nineties gang-bangers. In any case, it's said that they succeeded, and there was no evidence of even a struggle when they found him—which leads to the fourth version of the story: that he was walking nonstop to nowhere and just collapsed there of exhaustion. It's said that Tom shows himself with extremely thick fog, and on cold nights, some have reported seeing handprints on their car windows, only to find that the moisture is on the inside, as though he were trying to escape!
7. Pheasant Run
This resort and convention center in St. Charles might not be so relaxing, what with the employees complaining under their breath about how bogus it is that they have to work the creepy middle levels. People say that they feel watched all through the night in their hotel rooms, and more classic cases of young kids at the resort finding "imaginary" friends, but also there have been reports of people getting phantom text-messages from people standing right next to them when that second person clearly isn't using their phones. At least these specters are tech-savvy!
[https://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g36648-d88055-r127490064-Pheasant_Run_Resort_and_Convention_Center-Saint_Charles_Illinois.html - https://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g36648-d88055-r274556427-Pheasant_Run_Resort_and_Convention_Center-Saint_Charles_Illinois.html]
8. The REST of the Midlothian Turnpike
Famous for being the road off which lies the Bachelor's Grove Cemetery, people often forget the rumors that the road itself is said to have some paranormal residue. On the Turnpike, which was long ago a Native American trail, phantom mobster-cars can be seen, either alone or in groups shooting and crashing with one another (after all, those mobsters used the cemetery to dispose of enemies). Some of the living have even gotten into accidents with these cars, especially by the intersection with Central Avenue, only to get out and see no signs of damage their vehicles—and no sign at all of the other vehicle!
[http://www.hauntedplaces.org/item/midlothian-turnpike/]
9. Jerome Huppert Woods
We never said we were only dealing with ghosts. In these woods near River Forest, where Cumberland/1st Avenue and Thatcher split, local youths who go drinking in the woods have said that there is a monster living in the forest preserve, and have been saying so for decades. It seems to be nocturnal, so nobody's ever gotten a good look at it, but a recurring description is that it seems to be a bipedal creature that looks like a reptile roughly the size and shape of a bear. Oh, and it has three arms and three legs and leaves three-toes footprints. That's kinda hard to forget.
10. Read-Dunning Memorial Park and the Old Dunning Hospitals
This one might only be unpopular because it's a pain in the butt to research. But the site of the current Read-Dunning Memorial Park is over a mass grave of mental patients from the old hospitals that were all over the area between Irving Park, Narragansett, Montrose and Forest Preserve Drive at different times. These included the since-torn-down Maryville Center for Medically Complex Children, as well as the still-standing Read-Dunning Mental Health Center, formerly the Cook County Insane Asylum; while it seems like all old mental hospitals had bad histories of patient abuse, Dunning was actually bad enough to lose its accreditation after a century of infractions. Neighboring houses are also said to also be afflicted with the un-rested souls.
[http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-forgotten-cemetery-dunning-20141021-story.html]
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