I had a really realistic and memorable dream about dating Alec DeLeon, I guess I never realized that I was attracted to him! And I wonder why now? I haven't even thought about him in probably a year at least.

09/09/2023

For the first time in a little while, I actually felt a little depressed today. I wasn't really expecting the ANA test to come back completely negative. I was maybe expecting there to just be one kind of antibody, maybe in a lesser amount.

Yesterday night I wasn't really truly enjoying myself, we just did the same things we always do. I wonder what I can do to make those more enjoyable for myself at least.

For some reason, my eyes hurt more here than they did at my Mom's house. I guess the computer really does play a bigger role in it than I realize. I think I need to keep pressing on with my medical stuff while I have the free time. I am going to make an appointment with an allergy specialist, since that's the one avenue I haven't really gone down yet. I also will make an ophthalmologist appointment. It's a little worrisome that if I were to accidentally step on these glasses, I'd be completely out of commission.

I need to take this time to do some research on local windshield repair as well.

I could tell I was sad today because I was actually considering the sertraline. I mean, Tracy is fucking awesome, and she's on it. Maybe I don't have to be so afraid of it. I still don't love the idea of not being able to drink though. It's kind of a dealbreaker. Sometimes it's fun to lose your inhibitions. It probably sounds unhealthy to an outsider, but I think it's actually a healthy thing.

I'm still bothered that Justin really doesn't turn me on. That'll probably be a recurring theme in this blog. There really doesn't seem to be anything I can do in that regard, besides maybe sex therapy. Maybe even just for myself.