Important.

[ I've had a blast on here, but it's time to put Viv on a indefinite hiatus. I don't know when I'll come back to this account, or if I ever will. So it's pretty much good-bye for now. 

If you'd like to keep in touch, you can ask for my other blog. That, or you can add me on Skype (xwolf_x) or AIM (jawxripper) or follow my personal (kawaiibro). Adios.~ ]

In case you guys didn't see it, this was done for whoopingspider-mun because it reminded her of Vergil. Tried to do the color by hand. It's just a simple color change.

I’m p. sure no one is in love with Viv. But if anyone was, she would most definitely think and/or tell them that.

I’ve never really did a edit for Viv so there you go.

[[ Reasons behind inactivity. I don't really care if you read or not so to sum up the long ass message under the cut: I'll be gone for a while. Just, honestly ignore this. It's just me venting it all out and I really don't need sympathy. I just needed a release. ]]

So I haven't even been back in my parents house for a month. The reason I had to move out of my friend's house was because I couldn't pay rent. I didn't even want to move there in the first place, but it was either there or the streets. When school ended, my friend's mum said I had to pay rent and yeah. No job + rent = streets.

So I moved back with my parents and already my depression has sparked like a mother fucking wild fire. At first it wasn't so bad - I just had issues with my boyfriend as you know. Now all that is much better and it's my parents I'm having issues with.

My horrible headaches are coming back now and I've been bawling my eyes out almost every day for a week. I get told almost five times a day (three if I'm lucky) that I'm not wanted here. All my mum does is tell me how I'm lazy and fat and that I need a job but I'm too lazy to go get one. My parents say I'm sponging off them (mooching if anyone didn't get the reference) and that I'm going to cost them so much money because all I do is eat and use up electricity. My dad at least admits that getting a job here is hard, but then when my mum says I haven't got one because I'm lazy he sides with her. 

And then my oldest brother comes over every Friday and usually stays until Tuesday and he's the biggest asshole. He goes out of his way to call me fat or lazy and say that I'm just a burden to my mum. I hate when he comes over because he just adds to my depression. I begged and pleaded with my mum to not let him come over this weekend. That she can go without him for one weekend. All she told me was "You're not even supposed to be here." Oh, she says that a lot, too. So I was sitting in the living room playing Downpour and trying to take my mind off it and she kept walking by and pinching me. I told her to "Leave me alone. I'm mad at you." and she treated it like it was some sort of joke. Every time she'd pass me, she'd pinch me and in a snotty voice repeat "leave me alone I'm mad at you". All they do all day long is drink and smoke and watch Netflix.

I'm depressed. And since six grade I've been battling this depression since my only friend was moving away. They knew about it, might I add, when they got called to the school because I was caught with cut marks and razors on me and they put me through a one-day discussion with the counselor. 

I've honestly only told people once or maybe even twice, but I guess why not. I'm really suicidal here. My life is only beginning and already, it's so horrible. I went from this Hellhole to a place where I got screamed at that my best friend "isn't your bitch" by the woman I called my second mum since seventh grade just because we mixed our clothes and washed them together. Now I'm back in this Hellhole. My dad talks about how his life is so horrible because he can't afford anything. My mum talks about how her life is so horrible because she hasn't had sex since I was born. My depression always goes unmentioned because, well, they wouldn't care to be blunt. They don't care.

Before I moved out, I used to cry often. Sometimes I'd start crying because my mum would be yelling at me, telling me to "Shut the fuck up and get out of her face." And she'd ask me why I was crying and when I told her it was either because she was being mean and that she knows I hate when she curses at me, she'd tell me "Well I wouldn't yell at you if you (weren't so lazy/expensive) or (didn't go out of your way to piss me off)" and that really hurts. I feel so unappreciated. Sure I didn't clean as much as my brothers, but I'm the youngest, the only girl, the one who was never in trouble with the law, the one who got the highest grades, the one who never had a drug/alcohol problem (that they know of). And that stuff all goes unappreciated. I still get called the disappointment out of all their kids.

I understand I'm on the computer a lot and I'm not on so I can browse Tumblr or Facebook. I'm on so that I can talk to my boyfriend what little I can because really, he's the only thing that's kept me from suicide. He doesn't know it, but what little we do talk really does make a huge difference to me. And now he's leaving the 7th for the Marines and I'm without him for 13 weeks at the least.

I used to have little escapes. My friends were one. Every Saturday I'd go to Fresno with one friend. But her cousins car broke down so that's no longer an option until it gets fixed. So that escape is gone. This friend, Lex, well, her mum doesn't like me. She says I'm rude and that really hurts me and Lex doesn't even know. Because her mum, I can't see my friend as much. I can't escape this hell and have fun at her house because I'm banned from there. Her mum went so far as to make me stand in the dark on their side walk while I waited for her so we could go to my house because I wasn't allowed in the house. And she keeps her from coming over a lot. 

My other friend frustrates me a lot, but I still love her. I was depressed at her house, too and so when I was just staying with my parents, not living it was like a moment away so I can not be as frustrated. But I guess her mum assumed that meant I was moving out (being at my parents for two weeks straight) and boxed all my stuff up and came over to tell me she was bringing it. Well, I was asleep so my mum talked to her. She told her we'd get my stuff. Okay, so my mum tells me later that Kris's(friend) mum said Kris was crying a lot because she felt like I abandoned her. That made me really guilty; I had meant for a small break, I never meant to abandon my best friend. So I called her right after and told her my mum and I were gonna go get my stuff Friday and asked if she wanted to come over. She said okay. So we went to go get it and her dad said she was at her sister's. Okay. Well we got all the boxes of mine out of the loft and went home. Apparently those weren't all my boxes because all my stuff from our bedroom wasn't there and that's the stuff I really need because my mum refuses to pay for anything I need (she wouldn't even get me tampons) and I have no money. So I called and text her all day to find out if she was still coming over and to also ask about my other stuff because I really need it. I never got an answer, never got a text back or a call back. And so suddenly, I felt abandon because I really tried. I would never want to upset my best friend. It's Monday and I still haven't heard from her and I'm really making an effort to talk to her. Is this pay back? Is she angry at me? 

And then I'm subjected to my mother's anger. She yells at me to turn off my computer because it's slowing down the internet and she wants to watch Netflix. When I tell her no because I'm trying to talk to my boyfriend she threatens to turn off the internet. Then she spews more shit about how I'm not supposed to be here. I don't - I really don't want to be here. I told my dad today I'd rather be on the streets at this point and he made a joke that "Oh so you can get raped by hobos?" A total disregard to my statement. I was serious. Very much so. 

I try so hard to make others happy. I try to hard to help the people who are suicidal. I try so hard to push my own depression aside for others because I know it's just this house and because I've never  had help. Not since the sixth grade before my very first real friend moved. I try to do for others what I haven't had.

But now I really see no future ahead for me and that makes things worse. I'm stuck in this little vortex; rent is expensive so I need a job and roommate, but none of my friends want to get jobs. Schooling is too expensive and so I need a job, but with schooling I can only work part time and some of that needs to go to rent and then the rest to schooling. 

I really got off topic. Bottom line; my depression is holding back my inspiration. Whenever I do have some, something always happens. Some fight with my mum or dad or something and it's just gone. I have no inspiration to do anything, really. 

That's not even all of it, but I've given myself a migraine and I just want to lie down and listen to something happy and hope to whatever deity there is that it makes me feel some what better even though I know it won't.

You know I think I do pretty well for my suicide. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't self-harm. I just suffer and hope for happiness. Taking walks helps, but not when you're bawling your eyes out because the latest thing your dad or mum has told you.

"Good." Eyes flutter as he speaks, her head tilting as the woman listened to him. "Yeah, hobbies." But then he dismisses the thought. "Everyone's got something they're good at. And I'm sure there's something you're good at besides killing." A nod is given, chased by a wide smile. It's then she realizes she had leaned forward over the table and quickly, she leans back into her seat. The action - him rubbing his face - it's not missed. "Are you tired?" Another head tilt. "Maybe you should go home and get to bed."

Sighing he nodded,” Alright, alright I’ll cut them some slack…” Listening to her he glanced to the window just staring out,” Hobbies?” Averting his gaze to her then back out the window he sighed once again,” Shit’s just not for me…all I am good at is fighting, and the only productive way of doing that around here is to fight demons.” Leaning back he put his arms behind his head. ” That’s all there is to it…” Staring up at the ceiling he thought it over,” But…if there were better things for me..I would try them…I have always wanted some purpose in life.” Deciding he was getting too personal he flinched,” …uh well I don’t care anyway what people think of me…” He sighed rubbing his face. It was obvious he was getting tired because his cool was starting to slip. 

     Eyes flutter innocently, the small frown that's pulling at her lips is small in size and still an air of guilt to it. Eyes drop to her feet like a young child being scolded, said feet shifting their weight. But the weapon's words draw her gaze up towards his face once more and soon, there's a smile on her face. So he wasn't upset? "A-ah. Okay, that is good."

     Oh - he wanted to know about the nameless Angel. Okay. Kicking her foot, the woman bites her tongue. "Well - it was after Eva died." Fingers tuck curls behind her ear. "Um. She came to tell me I was -" Evil. "Not fit to be an Angel. I found out I could have had wings and then I lost wings." Cranium tilts slightly, robbing her eyes. "It kind of sucked." A pout is claiming her features. "I didn't even know I could have wings and then they're like 'Well you could have but we're taking them away forever.' ah."

     The male was being kind. Or at least that's what her mind told her. Smiling bright - a thousand watt smile - the woman just simply beams. The thought of being at least similar to an Angel was amazing to her. That's all Vivika had ever wanted. "I guess it does. Thank you, Aqui."

-

“Please —” A headshake, as he offers the young woman a reassuring smile. “There is no need for you to apologize. I, ah .. I simply was not expecting the contact.” It was more than that, of course; and Viv obviously knew so, as told by the look of guilt plain on her face. Of course, Aquila hadn’t wanted her to feel such a way about it —. “I’m not ‘upset’, I can assure you.”

The initial response to her next set of words had been a brow furrow; she’d met angels before? It piqued his curiosity, to be sure. Especially so, considering the way she’d described them. “If I may be honest, that isn’t quite what I’d expected to hear.” No, the picture of ‘angels that he’d painted in his head was very different. Still, it left him with a question — one that he found himself unable to keep in. “Forgive me for prying — but why is it that one in particular was unkind to you? Would it be alright of me to ask —?” The smile he wore previously returns to his features with her words. “That would make you the relative of one, though; would it not?” Yet, he’d not sensed her in the manner that he might have sensed another angel. It was curious; there was some sort of air about her, that much was clear. However, Aquila couldn’t quite put a name to it. There’s a headshake. “In any case — I still believe the title would suit you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I must thank you for that.”

"You're the one winking about Rebellion! I'm trying to figure out why!"

taintedguardian replied to your post: Lust, Envy, Pride.

“Why are you winking at me? What about your sword is there to wink about?”

A stare.

“The hell are you thinkin’ about?”

Lust, Envy, Sloth.

Lust: Something that I find attractive.

"Something I find attractive? Uh. Compassion. Not being whole heartedly cruel. Giving without expecting to receive. I-if that makes sense."

Envy: Something I wish I was better at.

"—... Saving people."

Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.

"It's obvious, isn't it? That I don't know what I am. I don't know if I'm an Angel. A demon. Something else. I wish I was just one thing. So that it wouldn't be so hazy." 

7 deadly sins, put one in my ask.

Lust: Something that I find attractive.

Pride: Something that I like about myself.

Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.

Envy: Something I wish I was better at.

Gluttony: One of my favorite foods.

Wrath: Something that gets me angry.

Greed: Something I can’t get enough of.

     "N-no! Please d-do-don't! Please, leave me alo-"

     Pleading words, not even given time to finish before they're cut off by death. Not a single emotion is on the vermilion-haired individual's face as her blade plunges into the throat of her cornered prey. A pretty little thing with nice skin - well, she had nice skin. And now that skin dangled from a blade.

     Blood drenched locks obscured her vision and so they were roughly bat away by digits. Red liquid stuck to her flesh, drying slowly. Some of it her own, but most of it the blood of others. And truly, she was a sight. Like some B class horror film, the woman's heterochromatic hues glanced over the corpse with little interest. Just another prey of the night; she'd already dispatched so many of them. And yet that burning desire - that need to feel blood on her flesh and know that she'd stolen another's life, it was, well. Unquenched. 

     She'd just have to find more prey.

"Oh it was my pleasure. I can enlighten you some more. Do you know what your brain matter looks like? Or what it feels like to have your - "

“Thanks for that enlightenment.”

"You - you are all assholes."

Oh No! What's this? Vivika's corruption is now making an appearance. Now she'll act however she does when corrupt. Lasts 3 days.

[ Accepted. uwu thanks for sending it. ]

♚

Send a ♚. Your character falls asleep on mine. What does mine do?

     A movie, just them girls. A time away from boys and battles, work and worries. A time to share all the secrets pent up within their souls and entrust onto each other insecurities and fears. 

     For the whole two and a half hours of the movie, little attention was paid to the moving picture. Instead, it was spent talking away. Why’d they even put a movie on? Hell if she knew. But it was nice to finally talk to the woman, cuddling into her best friend - if not her only friend - for warmth and comfort. When Nat fell silent, Vivika had assumed she was now focusing on the film and she followed suit. It was only when the credits rolled and heterochromatic hues fell on the woman besides her that she realized it hadn’t been the movie that silenced the woman, but instead sleep. 

     The once-Angelic being leaned back, letting the woman’s head rest on her stomach and pulled a blanket over her form. Digits swept through brown locks, coaxing peace into the stirring being.

Send a ♚. Your character falls asleep on mine. What does mine do?

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