#you ruined my life cause im going down this rabbit hole and i cannot get out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrpenguinpants · 4 years

Text

This isn’t important at all but because of social distancing I have nowhere else to vent my feelings about this game too and my friends have all blocked me.

Man, you ever see someone so beautiful that you know they are going to overrun your life because not to be dramatic, but I will lay my fucking life down for Seox

Like fucking, move over Gilgamesh. I have not touched FGO or BSDTOL because I’ve just been playing gbf 24/7. Literally, its 5am when I’m typing this (mostly because of the new drang and strum event which I will get to later in this essay)

Btw I have this weird auto-correct on, idk how to turn it off or why it only fixes some words, so if names get mixed up that’s why

I started this game because I saw Belial being posted 84 times on my twitter and I’m thinking, who is this man and why is he on my dash so many times. Turns out he’s from gbf. like okay seems interesting. turns out it a mobile game. well, buddy lemme level with you I don't have any more phone storage so ripp but oh shit wait I can play this mobile game on my browser??? I've been trying to get FGO on my computer for 84 years (I haven't actually I'm too lazy) okay now I am very very intrigued because playing a mobile game on my browser is apparently a big deal to me

okay play the tutorial seems like an okay game, kinda boring I think after a while but oh wait

they got me where it hurts

the gambling addiction

and when you first start you get free 10 draws every day for maybe a week? and its like fuckinggg??? my first ssr was melleau (I will treasure her forever) so I was pretty much sold

I just wanted to peek into the lore then fucking tripped on my ass and fell into the rabbit hole that is lucilius and sandalphon because ummmm sandy is my bread and butter and I hate the fact I didn't get his summer version. literally, I started Feb 25 this year just I was right before the 6th anniversary and the GOD DAMN FUCKING SCRATCHER BULLSHIT but my gacha luck is fucking god tier in that game but my e rank luck sucks all the life out of it so I have a pretty stacked team (let’s ignore the fact that I could have gotten grimnir 2 times on the scratcher but nope more fucking soul berries yay...though I shouldn’t be complaining too much because it gave me cain, Lucio, monika, and someone else?? I don’t remember) but did sandy wanna come home? no of course not

though I did get percival summer and halluel and malluel and they can do 2M dmg if the boss your facing is at max health with one ability/skill. Basically, I’ve got a pretty stacked team for all elements but weapons are awful because I may be Lvl 100+ but I'm on chapter fucking 9 because I accidentally made an oops and got the 1hr Exp boost and did slime search with my nuke team over and over again. Also I was super sad I couldn’t get Heles summer event character either cause she’s a god tier okie dokie in my heart. I also love Zeta and Beatrix like fuck dude. I have both of them and their white day scenes are so cute, esp Bea. Side note, I would smash Esser/Tien so hard into the ground because holy fuck my heart cannot take this abuse?? She’s also such a sweetheart and I basically love everyone in this game

But yeah, seox, I love him and I am so upset that when I started, it was during the unite and fight event and I could have gotten his revenant weapon and nope I fucking went for niyon and seite and I didn’t realize that when I fully upgrade the weapons I get the eternal and even then. i literally fucking switched draw boxes because I didn't understand how uncapping worked so I have a 2 star siete weapon sword thing and a 2 star harp and I wanna kms basically because I could have gone for the six ruin fist to get seox or the fucking dagger because oh my god I love quatre/feower??? I played the seeds of redemption and thought he was low-key kind of a prick but NO I UNDERSTAND NOW HE IS A PRECIOUS CHILD AND I WILL ALSO LAY MY LIFE FOR HIM. Dude is so pretty its unfair and my fugly ass. i looked like the joker from the Animated batman cartoons (you fucking know the one) But its okay, at least I went for two wind eternals and I like pretty much everyone except funf. Precious child and everything but I hate her voice. Also vryn, like best lizard but a fucking gremlin that I wish I could mute

this entire game is basically me understanding that I really like sweetheart tsunderes and self-empowered girls and that I really enjoy guys that are all gay to some fucking dumbass bastard, hate life, and angsty 24/7 and full of anger but that's okay because I am stuck in reality and self aware

but is that going to stop me? probably not

Also can i just go on an entire different subject and talk about lancelot because FGO did him wronggggggg. I love him. So much. Like holy shit dude im so happy him and Percy got into gbf versus

Also when I was doing lucio’s fate episode I love him but god damn i wanted to skip that fate episode. homeboy comes out with a fucking spotlight on him and starts spitting bullshit like he's god damn Shakespeare

Also, I really like Sandalphon with Lyria and Drang with Strum platonically cause its some major wholesome shit. The new event for Drang and Strum is some pure stuff and I’m speedrunning the event so I can get all the materials and etc but holy shit do people kill the event raids so fast??? i still have ptsd trying to solo nehan tho granted drang and strum aren’t that hard to beat. Also playable nehan when??? Mugen is great and all and I have him but if it was nehan instead that means I could have gotten nehan AND I WANT THAT TRADE. Mugen goes super saiyan and he’s an absolute unit so it’s alright but i love nehan and fuck dude give me seeds of redemption part 2 please

In conclusion, my love for seox has turned violent but I will be the first to say that when he get’s his mask taken from siero it is not okie dokie for my heart when he acts surprised

#not super major spoilers just talk about events but nothing super story related #this entire corona virus is just an excuse for me to play more gbf #you know people aka one of my friends was saying how hard it was for them to stay inside 24/7 and im over here like...i do this everyday i #dont have work or school or i need to go out and buy food so i dont starve #i just stay in my room like the hermit i am #gamers rise up #gbf #granblue fantasy #seox gbf

3 notes · View notes

mikazukikannagisjourney · 5 years

Text

Know THYSELF: The Importance of Knowing who You are, and why this Matters

Subtitle: This super-long post also has some tips somewhere in the end =)

Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

I was gonna post a spiritual log but I got guided to write this, after I reviewed my own stuff aka my natal birth chart, my human design and the gene keys I was born with. To be honest, knowing the self is probably, and in my opinion the best gift you can give your self, as well as others. Because truth be told, some of the most miffing people out there, (based on my experiences) are those who don’t know what they want, if they actually want want they want, or have no idea how to deal with personal issues and stuff because they don’t actually take time to get to know themselves. Inversely, some people are also annoying because they don’t know how to interact with other people, and are too caught-up im in their own worlds to even care or think that they may have hurt other people by being too-self-absorbed. Spoiler alert: I WAS and probably am still on this entire spectrum so I am not saying that I have transcended this whole dilemma and I am better than anyone else. Lol that would be a dream tho, not.

*If you click the links you can get your own charts generated, just add your birth date, exact birth time, and more or less exact birth location, if you wanna learn more stuff down the rabbit hole*

OK, now that the intro-ish stuff has been brought down with, I shall formally start this very long-ish post by writing stuff about why it is important to know your self.

Partial Self-awareness: The myth that you already know everything you know about yourself right now, but some part of you says otherwise.

Well, that sucks right? I mean, no matter how much you say you know what you want or you are completely sure about something major about your self, there is at least a 10% chance that you may have missed a spot. And this normally won’t make itself known until you start forming relationships outside of your own zone: friends, workmates or schoolmates, lovers, mentor-student relationships, even having pets or kids. Normally when we are by ourselves, at the very least we feel a bit more confidence, strength, even some self-love. Because we see ourselves through our own lenses, albeit tinted at times. However, once we start seeing ourselves through the eyes of other people, as well as getting stimuli that are often beyond our realm of control, we often get surprised, and we start acting out of character. And by that I mean out of the character that we thought we knew, in a negative way. Left unchecked, unassessed, or even ignored, this anger or frustration goes on to become triggering mechanisms that would eventually sap us of our good vibes, our zest for life, or even wanting to go out and get some sun, or moon, or stars. In really worst cases, not knowing the self fully can cause self-sabotage in the form of self-doubt, insecurities, jealousy, having zero initiatives, you know, stuff that can make or break relationships. And if you already invested a lot of emotional, financial, and whatever attachment to these things, losing them can really hurt like hell, which leads to more self-sabotaging behaviors, more ruined stuff, and so on. Like a gut-wreching death spiral that only sees death as an end goal.

But don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom, for if you know yourself fully, and chose to heal or change what needs to be changed: attitudes, beliefs, mindsets, perspectives, the stuff that relies on your own perceptions, then at least half of the issues become readily solved.

How?

By learning how to recognize patterns of behaviors and responses that were causing the self-sabotage in the first place, and doing stuff to change them so that instead of feeling down and worthless, you instead regain your self-composure, your balance, and most importantly, you become EMPOWERED. YOu grow to become a better version of yourself. See? I told you the importance of this cannot be stressed even more lol.

But seriously... You might start asking “How come I didn’t even know these?”

Well, actually, your conscious monkey brain doesn’t, but your deeper than an iceberg subconscious sure knows. Not that it’s smarter than your conscious or anything. It’s just more powerful though, because it has more storage capacity and won’t budge no matter how many times you do your affirmations or what. Not that I bash affirmations, goodness no, They’re very helpful with proper usage. But the subconscious mind is a lot thicker than your skull, and more often than not everything it has learned won’t just simply go away no matter how much motivational speeches or conscious affirmations you do. Well, for me and a whole bunch of people who bashed the Law of Attraction when we first tried it. Around 90-95% of the trial users lolol I am trying to make the mood happy here ok? Also don’t be angry at your subconscious mind, it’s the reason why you can sing sappy songs while riding a bike or driving your car. It’s also the reason why you could just start making pancakes without needing a book, assuming you have been cooking it all your life. It has some cool skills too, you know. But when it comes to chasing our dreams and our happiness, despite our best and intentioned efforts, the subconscious mind can either help us tremendously or be our biggest hater, basher, and even barrier and blockage.

This is because the subconscious mind has greater capacity, as well as a deeper connection to your outer world. It sucks to know and hear this but yes. After doing subliminals for 2 years and just now getting the hang of it and getting some harsh unwanted results due to my own unresolved issues,yes, this is a very painful truth. And this is where the idea of gaining power by knowing yourself comes to play.

Why?

So you can heal your own wounds. Resolve your own personal issues. Become closer and more connected with other people, in deeper ways. And most importantly, be a better person than ever before. All with the help of your subconscious mind.

*Quick reminder, the subconscious mind can be likened to a recorder. By itself it does only one thing: PLay recorded stuff. Unless you push “Record” in order to change a track in the tape (or memory card yeah I work with both types lolol), it can’t change the stuff that were already written on it, and it will only play whatever tracks are already recorded in it. Forever. Click here to learn more about this dual-sided nature of the subconscious mind and how such changes can affect our genetics, through DNA methylation. Trust me, we learned this stuff back in college and is only appearing out now.*

Yay, the first part of this post is already done! NOw let’s move on to the next two. I shall base my stuff on HUman Design because aside from it working for me, I haven’t seen anything like it that helped me learn even more about myself, amybe a lot deeper than getting natal birth charts. Not an expert but you can check the materials here. It’s one big rabbit hole if you wanna read more into it. You’ll need your human design chart though.

There are two ways of learning who we truly are: learn directly or indirectly.

1. Learning who the self is, directly.

*If you already got your human design chart, please check if you’re a Generator: Pure Generator or a Manifesting Generator (has the 20-34 channel connected, throat to sacral center aka the red square in the belly part of your diagram) because this is for you. All other types are in #2, but since this is for you to learn who you are, or who you are not, you can read this part too*

Well, that should be easy, right? Well, yeah, easy on paper, but not gonna lie it’s quite challenging to do in real life. BEcause learning how to do it involves a lot of taking risks, gaining new experiences, meeting new people, going to new places, and all that enrichment stuff. BAsically going out of your comfort zone. I’m not saying you should abandon all your core values here. But if you’re only not wanting to do something because you’re scared (i.e. you are uninitiated with meeting new people through dating apps) and not because you’re going against your personal values (i.e. being forced by a bunch of friends to go on a date with someone that harassed you when you already stood your ground and asserted yourself to this person), well the former is a component of your comfort zone and should be expanded, by all means.

Basically, just be open to new and expansion-making experiences. Doesn’t need to be grand. You can start with going back to old hobbies, adding new skillsets to those you already have, read books that you normally wouldn’t read, stuff like that. Or expand your current knowledge on what you already know.

You can also start from scratch, learn something new, or try out something that scares the heck out of you, like learning trigonometry or advanced calculus, or learning the mechanisms of cell-signalling cascades lolol not kidding there though. Meet new people in classes, events, or just try participating in online forums as a noob. Watch a movie that you didn’t wanna watch and never did because of all the bad reviews, but this time with an open mind and heart.

Or do someting cathartic, like CLEANING. Clean your house, clean your inboxes, clean your friends list, your phone contacts, and don’t forget to clean your mind of the subconscious garbage, because seriously that’s a lot more hard work than unfriending a bunch of people lolol but I am serious here. People uinderestimate the energizing effects of cleaning, because it literally removes energetic cords, it clears the energetic field (yours) and I have to tell you that as a person who just moved into a new place, seriously cleaning is both an annoying and a rewarding experience. It can help you assess your values in life, what matters most to you, and what makes you happy. Even before Marie Kondo started her stuff, I was already doing this since college. That was almost a lifetime ago. Dang I feel old, and fabulous lol.

But then you might ask, “WHy am I doing this, exactly?”

So you can learn what you like and don’t like. What gives you joy and what doesn’t. What makes you happy and what makes you feel effed up. Not that it gives a more solid self-identity, but rather it allows you to be fluid, and gives you a chance to be on both sides of the fence. So that you can give better opinions and suggestions. But at the same time also empathetic to the ideas of people on the other side of the fence. You can even be a better friend or lover or companion who can spread your joy and love, especially since Generators have the type of aura that is welcoming and energizing to others (my Projector friend told me so, she feels great after we had our gabfest and after I give her card readings. lolol shameless self-promo). Comprising roughly 70% something of the world’s population, if all of the generators consistently do their best in knowing who they truly are, miracles can happen, and there would be less annoyance and frustration, and more satisfaction in our daily lives. In turn, we get to channel more high vibrational energies to everyone else on the planet. As a Generator like you (I’m actually a Manifesting Generator, still same more or less), this is our gift: to share others our enduring strength by energizing ourselves as well as the people around us. Which is why seriously, now is the best time to be open on both sides because in the midst of all the current (and probably will only escalate more) chaos, you only need your inner guide, your personal compass, and knowing that you are confident with your choices because YOU had the actual experience only makes you even more powerful, because you can truly speak from the heart. Not everyone can do that, because the other people who are scared to take this leap just stay on one side for their entire lives. You’re born to be better and stronger than that, so just do it. (Or not, just trust your gut. We are gut peeps lolol no really, that’s part of our design) Also, based on your design (a defined aka solid sacral center, the square under the diamond shape) you have more than the usual capacity to endure, and to allow things to happen for you based on your gut instincts. Even when the going gets tough.

Additional important note: As Generators (the workforce of the world lol but yeah really), because our sacral centers are defined aka solid (especially when combined with a defined solar plexus center aka a yellow triangle at the right side of the square) this means that we innately have a strong sense of self: who we are and what we want, or don’t want. Or we don’t easily get influenced, even if we were conditioned to be. Thus, our power lies in knowing who we are, and knowing who we are gives us consistency, reliability, and ultimately satisfaction in our choices and decisions. That is how we generate our power, by following our gut feelings and following through till we complete our task or goal. After finishing it beautifully as expected (of us lol), it gives us a wonderful sense of completion, and it makes us feel great about ourselves. We trust ourselves better. And this is a form of self-mastery that can really give you peace. However, self-doubt, not following through, or not asserting ourselves takes away our precious power, which leaves us drained, exhausted, burnt-out, angry and frustrated, well, basically stuff that leads to depression and not to mention a really weak physique, and we really need to have a strong body for all of our motor centers aka the stuff that helps make things happen) to be at tip-top shape. This whole shite happened to me way back because I just kept myself getting trampled even though I was already unhappy with my work and how I was being treated, all for the sake of getting some cash. I basically gave my power and self-worth away, and I ended up with a really horrible (now a somewhat chronic) back pain (I am currently having this condition as I type this now. It popped up due to my need to release anger, see previous Thought log lol) and even deeper depression. While it may take us a bit shorter time to recover compared to other types, it still sucks that we have to stay in recovery, and in a whole lot of pain. So preventing burnout by doing what we love (that’s where we get even more energies to do a whole truckload of work) and attaining a strong sense of self-satisfaction and self-love is really what we need to push ourselves towards self-improvement and to attain a more fulfilling and magical life.

Basically, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. That’s exactly my point.

2. Learning who the self is, indirectly

*Check your chart if you’re a Manifestor, a Projector, or a Reflector, this is for you. Sorry if the stuff won’t be as rich as the previous one since I have more experiences as a Generator, Also I based these on some Projectors I know lol haven’t met an actual Manifestor or Reflector they’re like around 9% and 1% of the population respectively, so if you’re either, please don’t hesitate to say HI. But if you’re a Generator, especially a Manifesting Generator, feel free to read lol*

So if you happen to read the entire segment on Generators, and you’re not one, I’ll give you a pat on the back (or hugs if you want), that was a lot of stuff to read. And it isn’t even for you. But ironically, if you happened to read it, then you just did some learning about yourself INDIRECTLY. TA-DAH!

But I am not making a bamboozle here. What I said was something that many people actually base or formulate their own opinions with. By interacting with others, they learn more about themselves by hearing many perspectives, churning them into their own brand of butter, and eventually formulating something out of it. Unless you’re a Manifestor, you just say the word and people make your butter lolol yeah really.

But seriously, for people with this method of learning about the self based on outside sources is even better and more effective than trying to figure out things on their own. Having the opinion or experiences of others (most-likely a Generator because there’s more of us lolol the power of Statistics) is a better option in learning (i.e. you watch what experts do instead of doing all of the available options out there by yourself) than trying out what works because having to do stuff through a process of trial and error can actually put an energetic strain on these three types. While Generators can do all of that trial and error thingy because of their scarily solid willpower and their strong energy centers aka the sacral center, because this is not defined aka clear and white as a ghost for Manifestors, Projectors and Reflector types, it means that whatever energies you already had will be readily depleted, and recovery can take a long time, even when you feel like you exerted only a little effort. Trust me when I say that what you did was more than enough if you felt like you just wanna lay down and sleep for the entire day, or week.

If you’re wondering how I had in idea on why this is so, well...

I don’t know about the other two types since I don’t personally know of any Manifestor or Reflector, but I guess having a Projector younger brother who gets exhausted playing games if he tries to figure stuff on his own and a Projector friend who gets easily drained after getting duped by other people to become a sounding board and later regrets it before ending up in a daze really helps me better understand open sacral center types a bit better. I just compare them to myself in similar situations, and assessing what happens to them after I give them a piece of my mind or whatever. For my brother, aside from watching video tutorials or reading GameFaqs (lol) based on whether I watched him play or not, just chatting with him while he slays demons, monsters, or whatever he’s playing at the moment sorta extends his play time by about 30mins at least compared to when I don’t appear around him to watch. He’s probably unaware though lolol BUt my Projector friend who is also one of my Soul Sisters and is quite familiar with Human Design (because I pushed her to get an overiew aka me explaining her chart to her and she actually realizing how legit the whole thing is lolol Manifesting Generator issues hahaha) actually tells me that each time we chat on the phone, she gets readily-grounded and energized, as well as having a better sense of herself after the call. I won’t exactly know if it’s because of me being a Generator who naturally does it, or because she gets free extended readings (lolol again, shameless self-promo here), or just the combination of getting her questions answered as well as getting her energetic fix. She just tells me that she feels depleted at the beginning of the call, after geting caught up and too-anxious on thinking what to do, why things happen, basically the mind starts running so fast But then she gets super-excited and revived during and before ending the call, because she receives clarity on what she needs to do, even if it makes no sense to me logically. And I weirdly after that can still go on and gab some more, I sometimes even do chores after that.

So what is the point of this segment about Projectors?

Well, it has two points:

Sometimes it is easier to walk the pavement than make it. Unless you’re a Manifestor who initiates things. But (then again, this just means that they’ll make the layout, the others will just do the manual labor) they can only do so much with their own power, and it would be a bit helpful for them to ask aid from other people like filling in the other “back-end” stuff that needs to be done aka follow through with the details. Being humble and telling people what you plan to do, how it can be done, and putting trust on other people that they will do it the best way they can with their power (because probably they’re Generators lol), can revitalize your energy and creative ideas. Same for Projectors, it is better to just create a plan, and assuming that people were already on board with your plan (because your abilities got recognized, your ideas didn’t get rejected and you felt great) to manage people who can do it through delegation and division of labor (they’re probably Generators because again, statistics lolol honestly I wanna be a Manifestor but nope), and just rest. Sorry, I can’t say much about Reflectors though, but I believe that they need a long time to ruminate things and decide, or else they’ll end up being disappointed with their choices and feeling even more disempowered.

Learning about other people’s opinions, knowledge and experiences can be rewarding because you not only learn about your own needs in a deeper sense through sifting and distilling of the information carefully, but also by having an idea on what makes the people around you tick. This can help you become really good at catching on their current states, which can improve your communication and rapport with them. It also makes them more receptive of you, especially if you’re a Manifestor because let’s face it, you can be quite intimidating and seem angry all the time (or so they say). It also saves the Projector a lot of disappointment due to rejection because they gain a better sense of not pushing their output into the faces of the people and instead waiting for the right chance aka getting recognized and invited by others to share their stuff. Trust me, a lot of people just wanna share their own unsolicited opinions and advices and while some can take the heat when rejected, others just cannot and it is hard for them to let go, to the point that they think it is a personal attack. Hint: it’s not.

In Conclusion: There is no right or wrong way to know more about your true self.

Any method can actually work for any type, just as long as you don’t feel threatened, compromised, or be under so much stress. Just remember to work with what you’re designed with: Generators can do the trial-and-error thingy, and Manifestors, Projectors and Reflectors can go for other people for their input and other kinds of information sharing so that a consensus can be reached aka you'll get to know better if something is for you or not based on whether you like it or not. Also, you don’t have to rush things (ahem, GENERATORS, AHEM), sometimes going with the flow is just as important as paddling, sometimes it’s even better and gives more magical results.

I hope this super long-post helped you in any way. I did whatever I can within my knowledge and intuition so that this post can be made. If even just one person helps this make their lives better, then this is all worth it.

Thank you very much for reading. Any comment, suggestions, even just a short reply are most welcome. If it helped you in any way, I would love to hear about it.

Be well always, and may you find the healing you seek.

With love and hugs from Source above,

三日月 🌙

Mikazuki

PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: [email protected]

Thank you so much and be blessed!

#thought log on knowing the self #know thyself #why knowing who you are is very important #know yourself #how to know who you really are #learn who you truly are #learn who you are #know who you are #human design #generators #manifesting generators #projectors #reflectors #manifestors #human design generators #human design manifesting generators #human design manifestor #human design projector #human design reflector

0 notes