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going INSANE. what is he thinking. why did he say this. why does he do all of this. i am thinking so hard.

we know he's seeking arceus to recreate the world bc in his eyes the world is cruel and unjust and it needs to be destroyed and remade. he's set himself on a mission to create the better reality he's envisioned for his whole life.

but everything else he does. the way he spends his time on pasio making people smile with togepi. even if he justifies it as something purely transactional to get more customers, we know he doesn't really take his merchant job seriously. the way he loves his pokemon so much that they will pop out of their pokeball to excitedly tell whoever will listen how much they love volo back. him trying to capture these moments of happiness tangibly because they never last long and can be wiped away any second.

he still hangs onto hope so much despite what's implied to have happened to him. in spite of all the anger and bitterness that's festered in him, he doesn't really want to destroy everything as he says.

it all started with a wish for the world to be a better place, for the good in the world to outweigh all the cruelty. he's still trying to spread what happiness he can.

but at the same time his past drags behind him and reminds him that he can't afford to trust in the goodness of the world.

that self-assigned mission to usurp arceus's power and rewrite everything.. to him, it's his duty now. he has to do it for himself and, as he rationalizes to himself, for the world.

so he ignores the flaws and holes he finds in his own reasoning. he can't help but seek out the brightness and happiness and goodness that does exist in the world, yet he has to dismiss it to justify his goals.

... all this to try and explain to myself why volo's asking all these questions and making all these comments that seem to go against what we'd expect given his ulterior motive and plans. and it's like he's asking the few friends he has to remember him as the one who seeks joy, even when he does the worst to fulfill his dreams

The Triplets of Volais

totally took them hours to get the kids to pose for their painting properly lol

Very generic “”gothy” character in a children’s cartoon” type look just out of curiosity, seeing if I had enough stuff to put together a full outfit from a box of old clothes lol. I didn’t have an actual main shirt though, so it’s just a plain tank top with cat shape cut out of paper and safety pinned onto the front 

mmm i don't like how a lot of fandom treats macaque, either

Oh boy, Dead by Daylight patch time tomorrow. You know what that means! Time for me to unreasonably get my hopes up for new RE skins to be in the datamine and then feel the crushing disappointment when they aren't!

-->And then I looked at the party timer, and was like, “crap, no, I have to make sure that Smiler gets silver on this thing – where are the guests?” I quickly looked over the farmhouse, and found Cletus and Brian eating some leftovers from the fridge, and Myra upstairs – kindly fixing Smiler’s video creation station! Didn’t even know it was broken, thank you, Myra! (I mean, maybe SHE broke it, but at least she also fixed it!) Couldn’t find Cameron right away (I think he was eventually located just chilling in front of the house), so I resolved to have Smiler concentrate on the two in the kitchen, joining them and telling some jokes since that was one of the party goals. Though it didn’t actually complete until I had Smiler tell base game jokes, instead of vampire puns and special “let’s make fun of n00bs together because we both like video games” jokes. EAxis, you really gotta update some of these interactions... Anyway, the guests continued moving around seemingly at random, with Myra coming down for food while Brian wandered off somewhere (and Roxanne headed upstairs to use Victor and Alice’s computer for a bit – prooobably should lock it to just them), but Smiler persisted in making conversation with whoever was in the kitchen, and managed to complete the main goal of socializing with their guests by supporting Cletus’s facial hair. XD Bringing the party up to automatic gold! Yes!

Oh, and what were Victor and Alice doing during all of this? Chilling out alone in the party barn with Party Time the bot, dancing to the music and chatting with each other. XD I mean, that probably IS their ideal party situation, given they’re both supposed to be not that social. Alice eventually had to go outside and take a little nap to calm down her werewolf instincts, but she came back up to eat some hamburger cake provided by Party Time while Smiler wrangled their guests and got them all back in the party barn area. Mostly because there was one last thing that I wanted to do before the party ended –

-->Play a game! Specifically, Simbles, since I’d never played that game before! Smiler invited Alice, Brian, and Victor to play with them – Alice was a little late in joining as she was busy wolfing down her cake first, but she eventually found a seat and joined the others for a rousing game of Sim dominoes (where the “simbles” have geometric shapes on them instead of patterns of dots). Brian ended up leaving the game early, but Victor, Smiler, and Alice played past the end of the party, with Smiler winning. :) In fact, they won in multiple ways, because their party ALSO ended firmly on gold level (meaning they’ve won yet another stereo – I think I might just recycle that one straight of the inventory, why not), meaning they too managed to complete an aspirational milestone (FINALLY getting past the “Sir Gala Had” level of Party Animal) and thus fulfill their New Year’s resolution! :D Three for three, yaaay~

-->With both party and game over, though, it was time to do some clean-up around the house. Alice found some more spilled trash in the front yard (apparently a certain someone kicked over the trash can again while leaving >( ) and cleaned that up before emptying out the hamper, getting the clothes pile out of the yard, and starting a load of laundry (freshened by a daisy); Smiler washed all the plates their guests had left behind and cleared the spoiled food out of the fridge; and Victor fed Toothy after I stopped him trying to eat its cake. *shakehead* Victor, I already went through you getting nommed by a cowplant in my old save file – not interested in doing it again! Anyway, he and Alice then both proceeded to have leftover waffles while I stuck their various bits of produce and suchlike in the fridge – then got one of the giant oversized mushrooms OUT of the fridge so Victor could turn it into a seat. Because I just think that’s cool. XD The gang had a brief chat in the kitchen (with Victor and Smiler doing a little flirting as Alice cleaned up her plate), then Smiler went back upstairs for more video gaming time (on Victor and Alice’s computer again – REALLY gotta lock it) while Victor put the laundry in the dryer and Alice used the bathroom. I ended up leaving it on Victor Repairioing the downstairs bathroom sink after it broke while Alice was using it. XD

And there we are! One very satisfying day in Sims world! :D I’m so glad I was able to hit my goal of getting them all to hit theirs. :D And next time we visit, the gang will be celebrating Love Day! How will that go? We'll find out...

I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.

not me resurrecting a dead blog that I haven't used in years just to ianthony post away from my mains ☠️

now that i've moved on to reading les misérables aloud, i'm still having the same problem i had with le comte de monte-cristo (i.e., le procureur du roi continues to dog my every step), but a new issue has arisen, viz., i'm only 60 pages in and i've already gotten so choked up with emotion that i've had to stop reading two different times. and all that's happened so far is hugo has been giving background on the guy who will eventually let jean valjean steal his candlesticks. we have not met even a single major character yet. heh heh. i'm in danger.

this one person at work was telling me how one of her cats got pregnant and then she had like 6 kittens she needed to find homes for. and she was also telling me how another kitten was the sweetest thing and had a such a big personality and then the kitten got hit by a car and she was really sad. it took all of my willpower to not snap and go "that's why you shouldn't let your cats go outside, dumbass"

alrighty, i'm starting to feel sleepy, so i'm gonna get off my computer so that i'm not up until 2 am again :' ) i'm meeting some friends to hang out tomorrow, so i'd rather not feel like a zombie if i can help it!

have a lovely night and an even better day <3

tk loving his dad with his whole heart vs. everyone who knows and loves TK waaaaatching that happen like. >_> do we tell him -

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