Feel free to ignore this but I just really relate to the hatred of the daddy kink when it's untagged. But I also hate the kink overall. I see youre now writing it, and I was under the impression you also absolutely hated it. BUT i would also to overcome this hatred. Think of how many more fics I could read if I didn't click out immediately when I see the word "daddy" (tagged or not). What's the secret

i would just like to say thank you for one of the funniest asks i have ever received ever <3 and also buckle up for a jessay

I still do as well have a deep hatred for untagged daddy kink in the way I have a hatred for any untagged kink. let people know what they're getting into! something that might be sexy to you could be triggering to someone else! (I think so so often about the time I read a fic and right as a character was going to come, they peed instead and the author note at the bottom was "haha my piss kink strikes again!" please do not do that to people oh my god)

You were under the correct impression, anon! I've been pretty up front about it for a long time: I really hated daddy kink. (I blocked people if they so much as reblogged posts from me calling Ashton daddy, I won't lie about it; all of them are unblocked now tho sorry guys!) And I still cannot say that I like daddy kink or seek it out. Seeing the tag certainly never entices me towards a fic (except for the very rare occasions when I have gone searching for it). And sometimes I do find myself not clicking fics because that kink was involved. HOWEVER (and this is when we get into the meat and potatoes of this too long response)

I've actually written a daddy kink fic before! I wrote a fic about a year ago with ~subversive~ daddy kink because I thought to myself, well surely there's a way to write this that won't upset me? Any kink can be done well, can't it? There is a reason that so many people like this so much and I just have to fashion it in such a way that works for me too and I realized some very important things while writing that fic:

The reason that I loathed daddy kink so deeply was not because of the word itself but rather the implications that often accompany a kink like that. Daddy kink is often perpetuated in such a way that is detrimental to one party of the relationship. This is usually the sub/bottom or whoever the one that is being "dominated" is. Daddy kink is commonly found in fic dynamics that lack proper care and consent and, oftentimes, the dominance leaves the bedroom in a manner that is not appropriate. Often, whoever the "daddy" character is, is seen as a stern figure whose harshness is somehow meant to be sexy, when in realty it is thinly veiled abuse. Due to the continued pairing of these tropes (the term "daddy" being coined by over-submission/feminization/abuse), I often found myself (and still find myself) cautious around the kink. This is not, however, because of the kink itself but rather because of what often accompanies it.

Ultimately, the thing that made me a lot more lenient on the kink was simply viewing it as something partners do just to feel kinky. It's like how 1 in 5 couples (this might be a very outdated statistic by now) use handcuffs to "spice things up" in the bedroom. How many of those people are legitimately into "bondage" or Dom/sub? Not that many. But handcuffs feel like a way to add creativity and eroticism into their sex life! It's a way to connect! And, personally, I believe the same can extend to daddy kink. People don't always have daddy kinks because they have daddy issues. It's not always because they value a D/s dynamic and crave to be bossed around. Sometimes people do things just because they like participating in an intimate act with their partner and sharing something with them. It's intimate and personal and loving. One of the things I employed in my own daddy kink fic and something I personally love as a reader, is when two characters employ something during sex/in their relationship together (such as a daddy kink) and they go "hehe this is just for us <3 no one outside of this room will ever hear it or be privy to what we do together in the comfort and safety of our own bed <3 i love you for sharing this with me."

On another level - specifically with Ashton, let's say, because he's often the one who gets saddled with the Daddy moniker (and is literally called daddy by his bandmates, shoutout to the fellas for being so down bad) - daddy kink can represent something quite interesting and affectionate! While speaking with a Daddy Kink Expert™, she said something that I really appreciated: "[daddy kink] is a blend between strength and traditional masculinity [and also representative of] the most beautiful softness [Ashton] has to offer" because daddy kink is paired with a person who both 1) exudes strength within the relationship they're in and 2) takes care of and is also gentle w/ their partner. The appeal of the daddy kink should lie in that component of caregiving and protection (without the toxic jealousy shit!! none of that!!! daddy should not be punching people when they try to touch his s/o!!! daddy should be nice!!!).

You have to separate "daddy" from dad. I know that's a difficult thing to do considering the DD/lg community but that is really not where the "fun" in this kink lies. And, personally, I do still absolutely hate DD/lg dynamics because I still feel they push pedophilic narratives and I will always feel that. However, the word "daddy" in and of itself is not inherently about that or tied to those dynamics. Dad and Daddy are two very different things and I know that a lot of people get very hung up on that component of it (and there are a lot of people who perpetuate the kink which conflate those two things - I'm fucking looking at you sexual ageplayers and i'm not ashamed to admit it - and that's not healthy bc u shouldn't want to fuck your dad, Oedipus) but as someone who can and has read daddy kink a number of times, I'm never relating it even remotely to my own father or a "fatherly" role. It's just a vocab word to be used to feel kinky and also to represent caregiving.

I know that daddy kink is often associated with the things I've talked about above and so it makes sense that it's often a hard no across the board for people because when you see daddy kink you don't know what you're going to encounter! It could be hardcore D/s, it could be ripe with terrifying pedophilic implications, or it could just be a simple word that is used for partners to feel connected with one another.

What I've personally learned to do is just trust the other tags the fic comes with and the author writing the story. If I know the author, I'll hop right on in! I've read their stuff before and I know they'll be kind to these characters and not put them in situations they shouldn't be. If I see the tag "safe, sane, consensual" or "consent" or "kink negotiation," I also know I should be okay. But, if I just see "daddy kink" with nothing else to indicate the characters involved are safe in this dynamic, I keep on scrolling. It's primarily about finding a balance and fics that feel safe to you!

And most importantly: please remind yourself that you don't need to overcome your hatred. It's not a personal failing on your part that you don't like daddy kink and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not liking a kink. Some of us just don't like stuff! And you don't need to try to make yourself like something <3

hope u enjoyed that rant.