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that-basic-simp · 8 months

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Down By The River

Karlach X Fem! Reader CW:Some mature language is used! WC:3.4k+ Slowly rising from my soft bed, I stretched and let out a yawn, letting the sun's warm rays shine down on me through the small window. My mother was outside by the well washing some clothes. As for my father, he was out on the hunt with some of his friends to get some food for dinner tonight. Throwing on what I normally wear, I step out of my room, pass through the kitchen, and to where my mother was outside. "Nice to see you're finally awake," my mother chuckled. "Sorry I was out partying with some friends," I stretched a little better now. "I have you know, you were the one who wanted me to get out in the first place." "I know, but I wasn't expecting you to be sleeping so long." "Kind of hung over, if you ask me. Do you need any help?" "If you're able to go down by the river, can you get some fresh water?"

"The well water isn't good?" "I've been using it to wash clothes, Y/N." "Alright," I said and grabbed the wooden bucket nearby. Heading down into the woods, I slowly made my way down the hill as I was humming a song my mother sang to me when I was young. It was passed down to our family through the decades and it was always sung whenever a baby was being put to sleep. So whenever I had a child, I would be singing it to them as they fall asleep. I don't know where it came from, but it's a tradition now. Reaching the river, I knelt down and stuck the bucket into the water, catching the flowing water. Carefully pulling it up, I set it on the ground. Since I was here alone in the woods, might as well look around. Wandering around, I took in how the grass rose to my knees and the trees towered over me like the village gates that we lived outside of. There were so many vines hanging down to where I could grab onto them and swing to my heart's content. I would occasionally do that if I was out in the woods here by myself. But my father was usually with me, telling me I need to be more lady like. That I can't wander alone in the woods as much as I please and that I need to think about finding someone soon. He and my mother want a grandchild as soon as I am able, but I do not want to get into a relationship so quickly at the moment. Especially since I haven't come out to either of them. While I was in my own thoughts, I heard some footsteps coming in my general direction. Peeking around the tree I was standing behind, I saw someone running down the hill, their head looking over their shoulder numerous times before they directed their attention to me. Taking in a deep breath, they rushed towards me. I was about to run back to the house, but something about the way they were running told me that they were fleeing. I heard shouts and yells as a crowd of people were running after this person. I had to help them. I motioned for them to follow me and they ran faster. I took off running in a direction to where I knew we could hide. Once the person caught up to me, I ducked behind a large set of bushes and they slid beside me. Grabbing their arm, I pulled them under the foilage and we tried to settle our breathing. "Where the hells did she go?" "She had to have gone this way, right?" "If she did, the entire woods would be burned down." "I am surprised she ran in here. Considering her infernal engine and such." "Come on," a familiar voice spoke. Poking my head out carefully, I saw my father was walking with some people I didn't recognize. Once they were out of the woods, I stood up carefully before turning to face the person who I just saved. Their red skin gave them away. Actually, it was the one broken horn and one intact that gave them away. "K-Karlach Cliffgate," I said. She stood up and brushed the dirt off of the leather straps she was wearing. "Yep, that's my name," she said, sighing. "How do you know me?" "Someone named Wyll was talking to my father a week ago about running after a Tiefling who fled Avernus. That she fought in the Blood Wars and Zariel put an engine where her heart used to be."

"You seem to know a lot about me," she narrowed her eyes. "I-It's just that, my father agreed to hunt you down with Wyll." "Well, seems like you're not like you're father at all." "Why would I want to hunt down someone who wants to live?" It looked like she wanted to cry right then and there. She shifted a bit awkwardly, trying to find a comfortable way to show her gratitude towards me. "Y-Yes. I-I want that more than anything! I want to be free and to be alive! I don't know how long this infernal engine will keep running with me no longer being in Avernus. I-I thought I would never find someone who would understand." "Well, I kind of understand what it's like to fear for your life." "Why's that?" she asked. I took a cautious step away from Karlach, but she seemed to read myself better than I could. She nodded her head, backing away as well. "Sorry, didn't mean to get personal when we barely know one another." "I-It's alright. I-I'll just start with my name first, since I know yours. I'm Y/N," I said, sticking my hand out to shake hers. She shook her head, "I-I can't really touch people. When you pulled me into the bush, while you were able to touch me very briefly, it was exactly that. It was brief. But it is nice to meet you, Y/N." "If you ever need help, follow me," I walked over to the river, picking up the bucket that I left there.

"What if you don't come when I do?" "Keep coming until I am there. I will do the same with you." She smiled, "See you around then." "I will look out for Wyll and my father." "Thank you, Y/N." We went our separate ways for now. I returned to my mother with the water, which she directed me to our small kitchen so my father could use it to get lunch ready. He was moaning and groaning about how the Tiefling he was after had gotten away due to someone helping her. Thankfully he didn't recognize it was me who helped said Tiefling. I had to tread carefully down by the river now. A couple of days had passed and I was wandering down by the river, watching the water flow and some of the crawfish swim up and down the stream. There were even some toads hopping around as well as newts and other amphibians. Some birds were flying high in the sky and some landed on the tree branches for a rest. As I was admiring the environment above, I didn't pay attention to the ground below. "FUCK!" I looked down to find Karlach was resting against a tree and I had just stepped on her tail, as she was holding it tightly in her hands. "I-I am so sorry, Karlach," I said.

"Gotta watch where you're going around in these parts," she released her tail, standing up. "Kind of hard to miss a long, red tail mixed in with this green shit." "It could have been a snake." "I doubt a snake will be entirely red." "You never know. They could be." "Sure," she said, nodding her head. "I'm surprised to find you here so soon." "I've been a bit busy with things, such as trying to hide from Wyll and your father." "They're still after you." "They won't rest until I am dead or I am back in Avernus. I am never going back there." "I don't blame you. Fighting for ten years and having an engine for a heart," I said. "Are you able to fix it?" "Fix it as in fine tune it to where I don't burn as much as I do." "Is there a way where we can do that?" "There is a possible way of doing it, but it requires infernal iron." "I think I know someone who can help with that." "Who?" "Dammon. I have known him due to my father and he's a blacksmith. He may have some infernal iron on hand." "Where is he?" "In the village just west of the river," I said, pointing in the direction of the village. "Y/N! Where are you, Y/N?!" my father called.

"Shit, I-I have to go," I said. "W-Will I see you again?" Karlach asked. "I-I can't promise it," I said. "But I will be waiting by the river." Running back towards my house, I found my father at the edge of the house before it lead into the woods. "There you are," he said, placing his hand in the middle of my back. "Where did you run off to in the woods?" "Just by the river," I said. "Find anything good?" "No. Nothing out of the ordinary, if that's what you're asking." "I just want to make sure you're safe. There is a rampaging Tiefling on the loose and I am determined to capture it." "It's not like a Tiefling can walk in the woods without burning it down." "Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The Tiefling we're after has an engine as a heart. That is what makes it dangerous." "What makes it so dangerous?" "This Tiefling fought in the Blood Wars with Zariel. They are a force to be reckoned with. Until we capture and kill this Tiefling, you are no longer allowed in the woods." "Dad, I am not a child anymore!" "I know, but you never know what could go on in there." "You let me in those woods when I was a child a long time ago without any supervision. Don't you think it's a bit ridiculous with what you want from me?" "No." I shook my head, "I am an adult, dad. I can do what I want." "Not while you live under my roof," he said. "Can we at least talk about it?" "No, we cannot." I let out a sigh and I begrudgingly walked into the house with my father following behind me. He kept a close eye on me every time I walked around the house. Whenever he wasn't around, my mother was watching me, even though she knew how much it pained me to not leave the area of the house. She wanted to let me leave, but my father held a lot of power over the two of us, which worried me with how Karlach would go down by the river and find me never there. She'd think I'd abandoned her. Weeks passed and my father would return with nothing. No sign of Karlach and no leads on where she went. She was smart, even though we met a couple times, her hot headed nature was not interferring with her instincts on surviving. Maybe it was a good thing she had ten years of fighting experience. She could definitely hold her own against my father and Wyll, but for how long before her engine gives out? How long does she have before it combusts? Those thoughts were swimming inside my head that my mother knew something was wrong. "Go," was all she said as we were sitting outside together. "B-But dad?" "I'll tell him I sent you to the market to get things. He'll be fine with that." "Are you sure?" "Yes. Something seems to be bothering you." I nodded my head and got up, heading into the woods and running towards the river. When I reached the water, I wandered around, looking at the ground in case I stepped on her tail again. I wanted to avoid that. As I was wandering, I was trying to silence those thoughts as they were coming back. While I had met her about a month ago, there was something about her that I never knew was there to begin with. Letting out a sigh, I sat down on the side of the river, watching the small fish swimming around. About to stick my finger into the water, a stick behind me snapped. I briskly turned and found the fiery Tiefling behind me. There was a wide smile on her face as we were face to face with one another. "Y-You're alright!" she smiled, taking a step towards me. I stood up and walked towards her, "Y-You're ok." "Your father is really after me, isn't he?" "He's not going to stop," I sighed. "What about you? You were gone for about three weeks and I came here to give you the good news, but you never came. But I didn't give up on you." "My father didn't allow me to leave the house because of you." "Because of me?" "Saying you were a force to be reckoned with." "While I do have ten years of experience of fighting in Avernus, I am not as a brute as they lead me to be." "I can see," I smiled. "You're sweet, caring to those who deserve it." She nodded her head, "You seem to read me like a book."

"I just figured it out since I helped you that day." "Wouldn't be the first time someone has helped me." "Did you get your engine tuned?" "I did," a wide smile appearing. "Haven't really rested it yet. But I know I got some work done on it." "Do you mind if I test it out?" I asked. "Of course." Taking a step towards her, I hugged her tightly. She let out a sigh as she placed her head on my shoulder. "It's been so long since I've been able to hold someone. To touch someone." "You're very warm," I said. "I like it." "I could get used to this." Pulling away, I looked into her fire like eyes. "I-I'm going to have to go soon. I can't be away for too long." "You know where to find me," she said, not wanting to let go just yet, but she did. We went our separate ways and for the next few days, my father started to become lenient on me going out into the woods as he came up with nothing on Karlach's location. However, that meant he was going to keep a close eye on me, but in a different way. Every time I tried to go into the woods, he would linger around me. He was going to use me to see if I could be of use to him. I had to do something about him before I give away our meeting place. Early in the morning I headed out of the house and made my way down to the river. As soon as I reached the water, Karlach was sitting there, patiently waiting for me. Walking towards her, I sat beside her. She turned and smiled, placing her hand on my leg, greeting me. "Morning, Y/N," she said. "Morning, Karlach." "Something wrong?" "Y-Yeah," I said. "I-It's my father. He is now keeping a close eye on me, but in a different sense." "You're a grown adult. He doesn't think you'll be able to handle yourself?" "No. I think he's suspicious about me." "About what?" "I've been coming into the woods a lot more than I used to. So I think he's trying to follow me to see if I know anything about you." She shook her head, "I don't want to fight your father, but if he doesn't get the message of me wanting my freedom, I'll have to show it to him." "I don't blame you for wanting to do that. I might let you." She chuckled, playfully shoving me, "I do owe you for saving my life." "You don't need to owe me anything. I was just helping someone live." "Even then, I do need to pay you back for what you've done. I can't live with myself knowing that I didn't pay off a great debt."

"It was nothing, Karlach." "It was everything to me, Y/N." I nodded my head, "Alright. I'll let this one slide." She smiled, "So, what do I owe you?" I stood there, tapping my chin as I was thinking of what she could do to repay this debt. I really didn't want anything other than to be beside her longer. I don't know how much time I would have before we were either caught or her engine ran out. I guess that was the only thing she could do. "I want to spend more time with you." "That's all?" "Yeah." "Usually people ask for me to kill someone for them as their debt. Or to burn someone alive. But never getting to know someone on a more personal level." "Ever since I saved you that day, you never really left my head." "I could say the same thing about you, Y/N." "Why don't we walk and talk?" I asked standing up to take her hand, leading her further up the river. For the entire morning and into the afternoon, it was just the two of us. Nothing in the world mattered in that moment. It felt genuine to be with her. She was a genuine person to be around. Karlach gave off this positive energy despite being used for war for ten years. I really commend her for having such a bright personality. She was just so bubbly that I don't know why my father and Wyll are after her. She really just wanted to enjoy her time right here and right now. The sun started to set and we soon found ourselves sitting against a tree that was far up stream, far past my house and heading towards the mountain range. We were laughing as we sat beside one another, as Karlach told a joke that was absolutely terrible that I only laughed due to her infectious laugh. "You really are a good person, Karlach." "There are better, believe me, Y/N." "To me though, you're a good person." She smiled, "Thank you, Y/N. That means a lot to me." Stretching her arms, she yawned, her sharp teeth being bared to the air. They looked like they could hurt and rip into flesh if she tried. "Your teeth," I said. "What about them?" she turned in my direction. "They look sharp." "They kind of are. Want a first hand experience?" she smirked, one of her eyebrows perking upwards. I leaned towards her, placing my hand on her cheek. She leaned towards me and our lips brushed against one anothers before they pressed up against each other. Her lips were warm, as to be expected. My lips curled upwards as I smiled against her lips. Her mouth slightly opened and her teeth pinched at my bottom lip as she bit down on it. They were sharp, but she wasn't biting with enough force to make my lip bleed. Pulling away, her eyes and aura had changed. Instead of the bright, red flames they were, her engine was now blue and her eyes matched. The flames illuminating her hands were the same color. "W-Whoa," I smiled, admiring her blue flames. "Blue flames are the hottest of all flames," she said. "I got you heated, didn't I?" I chuckled. "Only you can do that, Y/N." I smiled and pulled her into a hug. Once she pulled away, she found her way in between my legs, resting her head on my lap. I giggled as I ran my hand through her red and black hair. Some parts of it felt like they were singed. My hand ran up the horn on the left side of her head while I tapped the broken horn on the right side. She closed her eyes and melted into my touch as I'd occasionally run my hand through her hair and down her arm. Her tail came around and wrapped loosely around my ankle. "Can we stay like this forever?" she asked. "Always, Karlach. Always," I said and leaned down, placing a kiss to her forehead.

#karlach #baldur's gate 3 #karlach x reader

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thessalian · 4 months

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Thess vs a Revival

My brain is doing the scents thing again. Worse, it's sorting out some of the major issues I've had with my previous way of doing things.

Look, my main issue has always been the bottles. Getting decent-quality ones are a bitch. The 5ml ones always seem to leak; the 1ml ones are hard to get and are flimsier every time I have to buy them. It's frustrating and irritating and just plain annoying. That's entirely aside from having to fudge customs forms because I can't call it perfume on the custom form because you're not allowed to ship perfume because potentially flammable, but it's honestly okay because mine is closer to bath oil anyway.

Anyway, I was looking up how to make lip balm because ... well, because I wanted to make my own lip balm ... and discovered that the process of making solid perfume is pretty much exactly the same as making lip balm - just with more scent and no flavouring. That ... actually solves that problem. It avoids leakage, breakage, and little accidents like ... oh, I don't know, a customer's child deciding to douse the entire bedroom with a bottle of Kaidan.

That seems to have set me entirely off, and now I have the basics of scents for Astarion, Shadowheart, Karlach, Wyll, and possibly Gale. Well, in my head, at least. A couple of them require me to get a few more oils, but that means I'll be ready to stick beeswax in the double boiler by the beginning of February, assuming I have thoughts on the other companions. Of course, I need to figure out how far to go with companions. I haven't really met Minthara yet, and we don't get to know Minsc all that well. Halsin and Jaheira should be manageable.

Of course, then I'd have to try to figure out exactly how I'd manage. I can't do the kind of high volume I was doing at the height of the SoaW days, especially not if it's all about hanging out over a double boiler. Plus I need to price beeswax and little tins. Still, easier shipping, if not necessarily less expensive. I need to make a test version, but I don't want to if I'm not going to use it.

Hrm. Maybe I can have a single special-edition slot for the Scents of Baldur's Gate line once I figure out the pricing and can put up a description of the scents themselves. So that can hold off for awhile.

#Thess makes perfume

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tripleyeeet · 3 months

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My brain has been rotting with Romero and Wyll so buckle in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride in infodump land.

To refresh, Romero is a bard, one son of the famous bard Gerhart Tulb, who left a lot of families behind on his own adventures. Gerhart reconciled with his lovers, married most of them, and built a large house for his kids and partners to live in. Anyway,

Wyll is an only child. He's used to a small, compact family. He would love a kid or two of his own one day, but the idea of a large family (especially one as large as Romero's, with ~11 parents and ~14 or so kids) isn't really on his mind.

In comes Romero, somewhere-in-the-middle-child of a huge family, who isn't used to having a small family. He get married to Wyll after the tad-venture and lives with Wyll, helping with politics and social reforms where he can. But it's empty. Too empty. Romero is literally begging to fill the space up as quickly as possible because it's off-putting for him. He's used to taking care of his little siblings and helping in family matters.

They take the time to settle into home living again, take time to really talk and think things through and just enjoy life and love. And then they adopt a few kids. One to start, but then comes another, and another. I haven't actually put much thought into their kids, but at least one is definitely a tiefling.

Wyll is the sweet, always gentle parent. He'll teach his kids how to fight and be brave and all that, but he never hurts them in their little sparring sessions. Not even a scratch. He's busy with being a Duke, but he always finds time for his family. It's everything he could have dreamed of and more.

Romero, on the other hand, pure chaos. He's picking up the kids and swinging them around by their feet, carrying them around everywhere under his arm and slung over his shoulder. Their littlest, the tiefling, he's more careful with, but even then he's pretending to toss her into the Chionthar. He teaches them music and instruments, and magic. He's a little shocked if any of them don't want to take up music - almost his entire family are bards, to the point it feels like it runs through their blood. But he takes it in stride, trying to be a good dad and help them get where they wanna go.

I also imagine Wyll and Romero spar each other with their rapiers to put on a show for the kids. Who's to say if Romero cheats by trying to distract him?

They both tell the kids stories each night. Usually they switch off, but sometimes one is busy and the other takes over. Romero's a great story teller without music, but he loves getting to play his lute while traveling from bed to bed as he sings about their adventures. He'll also tell them about the Blade of Frontiers, about the Blade's triumphs, but he doesn't tell them one of their dads is the famed hero. He leaves that to Wyll, because he left the Blade behind to become Wyll Ravengard, Duke of Baldur's Gate. It's not his place to put the mask back on.

I've rambled on for long enough, but!! They deserve a family and kids and all the happiness in the world!!! I love themmm <33333 I'm currently 3k words into a smutfic for them and it is the sweetest thing istfg

If you want me to infodump again, I have so many thoughts on Wyll's "forgive but never forget" versus Romero's "never forget, never forgive, especially if it wronged someone I love"

Also bc idk if you saw it, here's some art I did perfectly displaying their parenting styles okay I'm done lmao

first of all, LOVE ROMERO TO DEATH. i remember when you first mentioned him to me (i think it was the scene where he's helping take care of wyll's horns?) i was kicking me feet. they're so cute together. and the idea of them growing alongside each other and getting the opportunity to raise their own in the way that they want must be so healing for wyll?

like, i know this is about romero but i just have to mention the idea of wyll getting to provide his kids with the love he didn't receive growing up has my heart HURTING. that man went through hell and back and came out humble and loving and just???? he'd be the best dad.

same with romero though. in a different way, obviously. but nonetheless in one that both of their parenting styles i think would compliment the other.

also. screaming at the pics you've provided. that meme format is one of my favourites. <3

#asks #romero #wyll ravengard #show and tav

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yennefer-of-vengerbergs · 3 months

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Confession

Astarion reflects on his feelings towards Syanna, from when they first met, up to when he finally decides to confess everything to her.

Pairing: Astarion x f!durge

Other notes: This is my own spin on Astarion's thoughts on the relationship he and my durge character, Syanna have, finishing with his confession scene, where I took the liberty of expanding a bit on it, combining most of the dialogue options, as well as mixing in small parts from the Araj confession. I've also followed the order in which some things happened in my own Durge playthrough so far (I'm still in Act 2, haven't gotten to his confession yet, but I am using what I know from my regular Tav playthrough, while double checking other things online).

Read below or on Ao3

Astarion found himself thinking about her.

What a walking contradiction she was.

On the one hand, she was prone to being a bleeding heart on occasion, wanting to help those she ran into.

Barely off a crashed Nautiloid and she was picking up other survivors from the ship, himself included. Even if he had thrown her to the ground, threatening her with a dagger. She’d taken it surprisingly well too, stating she probably would have done the same in his position.

Then she was agreeing to help out the tieflings from the Emerald Grove.

And rescuing a child from being killed by the druid leader.

And helping that bard, Alfira, with her song.

On the other, she was also prone to bursts of violence and murder, dark urges which she could not always control or resist.

She always felt guilty afterwards though. Especially so after she had brutally murdered Alfira. Barely a few hours after joining their camp, she was laying there, on the ground, in her own blood.

She had always been completely honest about how broken her mind was. She had asked for advice. She had asked everyone in camp for help.

Nobody knew what to do or say to her. They just spun some version of ‘oh, we all have those thoughts sometimes’ and that ‘she should focus that on their enemies’. She felt as if nobody was taking her seriously, not realizing just how bad things were.

And once everyone else had seen that she had killed the bard?

They were scared. They judged. They blamed her. They told her to keep her distance, that they would be watching her. That if she tried to hurt them, they would defend themselves.

She couldn't blame them, not really.

***

Naturally, she had distanced herself from everyone.

He noticed that she had taken her bedroll to the small ruin that was next to their camp and started staying there at night, away from everyone, her reasoning being that it was fine, really. Part of the roof was still intact, so she could at least be safe from the elements. If anything, it was an improvement over trancing in the dirt, next to the campfire. She could always use a spell to start a fire of her own to keep warm.

During the day, when they traveled, she would either wander ahead, or stay further back. After all, they had made it clear that they wanted her to keep her distance, so keep her distance she did.

He’d told her at one point that he didn't blame or judge her for what she had done.

She appreciated that.

What she hadn't appreciated was how he then told her that the look of guilt she had on her face was priceless and that she could have been more subtle about it.

Oh well.

***

One day, they had found a dog, Scratch, close to its dead owner. The dog was hostile at first, but soon calmed once she had talked to him, even sniffed her hand, remembering her scent.

She always seemed to have a potion on hand that would let her speak to animals. She liked animals, so she hoped the dog would follow her to camp.It did, eventually, always keeping her company afterwards.

On another day, they had found the so-called devil that Wyll was hunting, Karlach. Said devil was in fact a tiefling. Syanna had immediately sided with her when Wyll wanted to kill her, pointing out what they had all been shown by the tadpole connection, that Karlach was indeed telling the truth and was not in fact a danger to anyone.

Astarion found himself approving of that. Hells, in time, there were other things she did that he approved of. Some were chaotically fun and hilarious to him. Others were on the practical side. Others yet were oddly heartwarming, even to him, like how she had taken in the owlbear cub from the goblin camp they had cleared. Most people would have refused to do that, seeing it as nothing more than another beast that could kill them, another monster to be afraid of.

She didn't. She saw a young cub, scared of its surroundings, wounded, alone, his mother having been killed by the goblins that captured him for their own entertainment.

Most importantly however, she hadn't shunned or staked him when he tried to feed from her while she tried to rest. She had been surprisingly reasonable. Even offered him her blood afterwards. She’d taken his side when the others didn't seem particularly pleased about him being a vampire. She'd agreed with his idea of feeding off their enemies, seeing as he could start fighting with all his weapons, fangs included. But she had also offered to let him feed on her, if and when he needed to. An open invitation, as it were.

It was a gift. One he would not forget.

***

She seemed better as time went on. The two animals they took in were always near her when in camp, keeping her company.

She had gotten closer to him and Karlach. Not a surprise, seeing as they were the only ones who truly didn't judge her.

Karlach had appreciated her help and trust when they met, as well as her bleeding heart, so in her eyes, Syanna was someone good overall, if a little tortured. She had also been honest with the tiefling about her urges and what had happened with the bard, but she had simply told her that if she had the guts to say it outloud, to feel regret, then she would be able to change. And if she was willing to resist those urges, as Syanna said she was, then surely she was on the right track. She had also given her the same line about focusing on their enemies if the urges became too much, but somehow, she felt that Karlach had been more supportive overall.

Later on, when the druid, Halsin had joined their camp, she got along with him as well, for similar reasons. He had even offered to help her with her broken mind once their tadpole problem was solved.

The others, she wasn't as close to. Things had gotten better, but it was obvious whose company she preferred.

That would do nicely for his plan. All she had to do was fall for it. Easy.

So he had started flirting with her, something which came easily to him. He wanted her on his side, trusting him, never turning on him, helping him.

Seducing her was easy, truly.

She reciprocated his attention.

She already preferred his company.

She had accepted his advances when he propositioned her one night.

What he hadn't expected was to… enjoy the night they spent together. Not fully, as at one point his mind had gone somewhere far away (which she had noticed and pointed out the morning after), but at the same time…there were moments that he had enjoyed prior to that.

She actually seemed interested in what he wanted that night as well, not willing to just be a passive participant. She wanted to reciprocate, to touch him, to show him how he made her feel and to bring him the same kind of pleasure.

It was surprising to him. Unexpected even.

He would also be lying if he said he didn't find her attractive. She was a beautiful woman, it was impossible not to.

All in all, his plan was moving along splendidly.

So he carried on.

He continued to flirt with her, honeyed words dripping from him each time.

He invited her back to his bed frequently. Or back to that pretty clearing that he had found. He’d even stolen her away during the party the tieflings had organized once the goblin camp was defeated, their leaders killed.

Even though several of their group had also propositioned her that night, she still went to him. Excellent.

At some later point, she started spending her nights in his tent, seeking out his company. When it involved sex, she would simply stay the night, wrapped around him. Others, it was just being with each other. They would read and they would talk. Most surprisingly though, they would cuddle .

He never had been a cuddler, but having her so close, holding on to him, it was nice. All those nights actually seemed to mean something to him too, a strange comfort starting to emerge whenever it was just the two of them. And when she didn't spend the night in his tent? He actually found himself wanting her there.

Shit.

***

She had done him kindness after kindness on multiple occasions, not expecting anything in return.

She had given him various things for his tent whenever they cropped up during their travels - a new bedroll, alongside a pillow and blanket; she pointed out books that she thought he might find interesting; she grabbed small pieces of decor and art she thought he might appreciate. His own little spot in camp was actually starting to look more comfortable. Tidier even.

Meanwhile, she didn’t even have her own tent, just a bedroll.

She listened to him whenever he confided in her about something.

She had pointed out his scars and how they were written in Infernal. She drew them out for him to see, first on the ground where they stood, then on paper, so they could both research them more easily. She had promised to keep an eye out for any books, occult or otherwise, that might help him with information too.

it wasn't her problem, but she still wanted to help him.

She had acted as his mirror when she found him trying to look into one, telling him how she saw him. She then had the idea to cast a Mirror Image spell on him so he could actually see himself for the first time in centuries. Seeing that it worked, she then brought him any scrolls for the spell that she found on their travels so he could cast it himself whenever he needed to.

She was always willing to help him - she was already looking into finding out what the scars on his back were before they approached Raphael about them. She respected his wish to keep it between them and not to involve anyone else from camp.

She then had helped him with his deal with Raphael (and that she did, Yurgir was dead, his end of the deal done, the mystery of his scars clearer, but turned into something even more muddled at the same time).

She even swore she would do everything she could to help him with dealing with Cazador and the ritual of profane ascension that he was meant to be a part of.

She also stood up for him when they encountered that vile drow in Moonrise Towers, something that he was incredibly grateful for.

He was grateful for everything she did.

Anyone would agree his nice, simple plan was a resounding success.

So why did he feel so awful?

Well, it just so happens that he had started to genuinely enjoy her company the more time had passed during their travels.

He found himself thinking of her more often. Looking out for her in combat, his arrows always aimed at those who were too close to her.

He was distraught whenever she was downed by an attack, immediately on his way to help her, a revivify scroll and healing potion at the ready..

He was always first to help her when she slipped or had to climb somewhere, or when she became entangled in some twisting vines.

He loved teasing her when that happened, tsk-ing and saying that he was starting to think she liked being restrained. She would always tease back, telling him to find out for himself later.

He even wanted to find her a tent she could use when she wasn't spending the night in his own one.

***

At the same time, he was so concerned for her. She was frequently exhausted and in pain, rest, actual rest, almost always eluding her. Often, she preferred to skip going into a trance altogether, too worried about the nightmares that could return. Of the urge coming back. He could also see how she sometimes was shaking, or how she looked ready to faint. He could see how her urges were eating away at her, how she struggled with them.

Sometimes, when she was finally too exhausted, she would actually fall asleep next to him, her face nuzzling his chest, an arm draped over him. Whenever that happened, he found that he would have much rather stayed there and let her sleep until late morning, not having the heart to move and risk waking her.

He felt like such a fool.

***

One night, she woke him up, scared she would hurt him, scared she would kill him , not knowing what to do or how to stop it, asking him to get to safety, to stop her, anything .

When she collapsed, unconscious, he moved, grabbed a length of rope and tied her up.

Then, he waited.

When she woke up, she wasn't herself.

She threatened, she growled, she tried to bite him, she screamed at him, fighting against her bindings.

But she also was trying so hard to resist, to break through, to regain control of herself. She tried to show him that she understood, that she was grateful, but it was so, so difficult.

More threats. More screams.

She sobbed, begging him to just kill her, to make it stop.

It truly worried him, seeing her like that. He had been worried about himself at first, yes, but he was even more worried about her.

He wouldn't let that thing have her. He wouldn't let it win.

He spent the night with her, trying to offer words of comfort and encouragement where he could. Keeping her safe. Shooing away the rest of their companions whenever they came to see what was happening.

The night finally passed, bloodless. Syanna was laying on her side, still tied up. She looked defeated. Guilty. Remorseful, with tears in her eyes. She let out a sob.

Astarion moved to untie her and helped her sit up. Her wrists were raw and bloody from how much she struggled against her bindings.

He hated seeing her like that.

He handed her a healing potion and listened to what had happened before she came to him.

He reassured her he would be there to make sure she would get through it all, that she wouldn't be alone, no matter how much she protested that it might happen again, and what if she hurt him then?

She gave him something to care for and that was worth the peril. After all, they were in it together.

Did he really say that?

Yes, yes he did.

***

He also found himself wanting her approval.

He wanted her to think of him as something more.

He didn't want to lie or manipulate anymore.

He cared.

He wanted to tell her the truth, as frightening as it was to him.

Still…

What if she broke things off?

What if she hated him afterwards?

He could just… not tell her, he could just let things continue between them, knowing that his plan had gone out the proverbial window long ago. That it was real for him. Why risk ruining it?

No. No, she deserved the truth. She deserved something real, something more. She didn't deserve his lies. She deserved to choose if she wanted to continue whatever was between them or not.

Making up his mind, he walked over to where she was sitting. Noticing him, she set aside her book, greeting him with a smile.

“Do you have a moment? I think we need to talk.”

Gods, he sounded so concerned. Scared almost.

Noticing this, her smile fell. She stood up.

“What's wrong? Are you alright?”

“Oh yes, I’m fine. I just…feel awful.”

She frowned.

“That's not how I would define fine, Astarion. Please, talk to me?”

Gods, why was she being so nice to him?

“Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan - seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me.” he laughed nervously.

She didn't say anything. She seemed too taken aback by the sudden confession to say anything.

He continued. He had to continue.

“It was easy - instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it.”

He hated the way his voice started to crack as he kept going on. He hated how she had tears forming in her eyes because of him.

This is it. Surely she would leave him. He would lose her.

Still, he carried on.

“And all I had to do was not fall for you…which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart.” He paused for a moment, gesturing towards her. “You…you're incredible. You did so much for me…you helped me, you…cared about what I wanted… you didn’t ask me to throw myself at that vile drow, didn’t trade me for a potion, what I wanted be damned.” he paused. “You deserve something real. I want us to be something real.”

He looked at her, with sad, scared, but hopeful eyes.

“So…the time we spent together meant nothing to you then? All those nights, all those moments, were they just lies?”

“Of course they meant something - that's the problem! Or part of it.” He sighed. “Being close to someone - any kind of intimacy - was something I performed to lure people back for him . And even though I know things between us are different, being with someone still feels…tainted. Still brings up those feelings of disgust and loathing. I…don’t know how else to be with someone. No matter how much I’d like to.”

He’d said what he had to say. He looked at her, vulnerability obvious in his expression, waiting for a reply.

It terrified him.

“Astarion…” she swallowed. “I’m not naïve enough to think that things were something…more between us when they started, but…” she took a breath to calm herself, to keep her voice from breaking any more than it already was. “But they actually became real for me. I thought…I hoped it was mutual. I wanted it more than anything. I do care about you. Deeply. But this…this hurts.”

Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she was trying so hard to keep herself composed.

He hated himself for causing her to feel that way.

He didn't know what to say to her.

Could he even say anything that would make things up to her, that would comfort her in any way? He didn't know.

“I’m…I’m sorry. I’d understand if you wanted to end things between us now.”

It hurt him to say it, but he wouldn't hold it against her if that was what she wanted to do. Which is why what she did next took him by surprise.

She hugged him.

He was so taken aback by it that he didn't know how to react or what to do at first. He couldn't even remember a time when he had been hugged.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her.

He didn’t want to let go of her.

Her voice was a broken whisper, but he heard her.

“That would hurt me even more.”

She let go of him and stepped back. She cleared her throat.

“I meant what I said. You mean a great deal to me. And I want this to be real too. More than anything.”

Relief washed over him. But he was still….nervous.

“I…just don’t know what ‘real’ looks like. Not after two hundred years playing the rake. I…don’t even know what to do.”

“Then…what do you want to do?”

He paused, thinking about her question. “...I don’t know what I want. It’s been so long since I’ve had to decide what I wanted.”

She thought for a moment, unsure how to proceed.

“Maybe…maybe we can start over then? We can be together. And to make it clear, we don’t have to have sex, for as long as you need.”

“Hah, why, that almost sounds like a challenge.” he was nervous again. He didn’t know how to react. What else could he even be good for, what else could he even offer her?

“I mean it. I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. We can just…be and just… get reacquainted with one another.”

He took her hand in his own, a small smile on his face. “Honestly, I have no idea what we’re doing. Or what comes next.”

“Then we can just see where this takes us.”

He placed his other hand on top of hers.

“I do know one thing though. I know that this…this is nice.”

As emotional as she was feeling, she couldn’t help but agree. It was nice to have that honesty between them now. To know they were both on the same page. That if they got through this, then things would be alright.

#astarion #astarion fanfic #astarion x durge #astarion x the dark urge #baldur's gate 3 #bg3

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