while i highly doubt the pleasure of the unauthorized fan treatise would be destroyed via spoilers as its a very well constructed story and i dont believe spoilers should be the end all be all, it is a murder mystery and therefore spoilers.

heres an essay of thoughts on unauthorized fan treatise

im so obsessed with gottie. i know we're supposed to accept the anon theory in the epilogue as fact, but are we? i love the open endedness that, while it certainly makes more SENSE gottie killed nathan, it still doesnt feel like it adds up. it makes sense with rob's dialogue during the livestream. what he notes to her after her testimony. but rob seems far too comfortable in his actions TO take the blame. additionally, murderers have been known to break down wandering/do irrational things after a murder. obviously, gottie's unreliable narrator aspect clouds the entire text. but these objective facts--rob did something common among murderers, and took on the blame for nathans murder seemingly without any objections or slightest protest--seem to imply some level of actual guilt. or is it just psychological guilt--does rob feel responsible, and it really was all gottie physically?

anyway to me, it almost feels like they both had a hand in it--ie rob injuring nathan and gottie then trapping him, killing him. "blunt force trauma" with two laptops doesnt make sense. additionally, if the case could be solved so easily by an anon that it was gottie all along, the whole BIG TRIAL thing seems like...kind of stupid. not that law enforcement is any good, but that intense scrutiny of a publicized case tends to have solutions. truly, there isnt enough evidence to convict gottie whether due to her playing the cards or the reality of the situation, so what it feels like to me is that the factor of the case that was obviated was pursued.

i love how the story asks us to get invested WITH gottie. see now im theorizing. what makes me any different from gottie? i love that kind of shit in a piece. the fact shes so unrepentant in her post-trial admission shes going to keep consuming rpf proudly and stalking people takes on a whole new meaning with her story that this was originally just revenge. also delia ending her bit with just saying "i do believe rob and nathan were dating." or whatever is so fucking awesome i absolutely LOVE it. i love how the reader is left to question was gottie really, really right or did she spin the narrative that fucking effectively?

whats particularly interesting is that, with rpf, gottie (and obsessive fangirls like her) are constructing their own realities. theyre bending evidence to serve their purposes, taking things out of context, building stories out of peoples actual lives. which is exactly what gottie proceeds to do with the whole situation. its so cool how thats bought to the forefront.

and shes so much like people ive seen during my time on the internet. ive seen thousands like her. its crazy to think about their stories, and like the anon at the epilogue says, how any number of bizarre horrible memorable people online are still living their lives. botfly lady. does anyone remember botfly lady?!!?!?! the homestuck skin sharpie dyer?!?! sure the rainbow dash cum jar has become sort of a "meme" but that users still around more than likely. still cumming. hiv aids hamilton writer. my immortal "author" fraudster. theyre just living their lives, like gottie after the events of the story. isnt that fucking crazy?

one criticism i have is it feels like 2020 is WAY too late for this story to be set. a '14 date seems much more likely. i also feel like the links totally suck balls. like flesh out the universe. if youre gonna include links, MAKE them.

otherwise, i dont own lauren james' other book but ive read what's been serialized, and loch & ness being a part (CRUCIAL part, actually) of the loneliest girl is an intriguing choice. in tlg l&n ran for 8+ seasons while the murder took place before the release of s2, so itd be cool if theres some kind of reference to an s2 replacement of fang & jaydens actors. whats also interesting is j is consistently likened to jayden, who was played by rob, who is the possibly wrongly incarcerated killer of his costar? so james uses familiarity with their other work to establish discomfort with a character intended to be nefarious. i like it.

Tues., December 29, 2020, 2am

It’s been a couple years since I last been on this tumblr, not that anyone is actually reading this or let alone following me lol but I guess I thought I should update where I am in my life currently compared to the last text post I had put on here.

It’s been a rough couple years since the last time I wrote there and I remember not thinking I would get out of that feeling and don’t get me wrong, sometimes I still feel like that, but for other reasons. A lot has changed since my last post in my life and me as a person has changed too. I never thought I’d acknowledge that but I have grown a lot. Things feel different and in a positive way. 

At that time in my life my aunt passed away in the most tragic way and witnessing it happen really changed me. It put a lot of things into perspective in my life. After she died I had just started my first semester of university after transferring and I was miserable. I was dealing with the trauma, the change, having no one, and cruising by in my courses. I didn’t think I was going to make it and every day I was crying my fucking eyes out. 

Then 2019 came and I promised myself that I would take care of myself and figure out my life. I was going to focus on school and deal with my trauma and it was the hardest thing to go through during that year. It was hard and tiring and frustrating, but my grades in school got better and I made friends and leaned on people who I trusted. Feel off with some and reconnected with someone, but it didn’t last very long. 

Anyways, we’re in 2020 and at the very end. Corona virus happened and ruined the year and all the plans I had made. I graduated and on Dean’s List. I’m dating more and seeing someone, I’m working, and still working on my Driver’s License. I’ve had so many ups and downs this past year and still facing a few. One of my best friends and I fell off... it breaks my heart still, but I’m never the type to go back to things that stop serving, something I definitely learned over the last couple years. I’m still mourning our friendship, but what has happened, happened. I’m still confused about one of my friends and I’m trying to wrap my mind around the situation. What our friendship is now. 

The guy I’m seeing is an old friend from middle school and so far, it’s been good. Learning more about myself through this process and what I want from a relationship. I’m learning how to enforce my boundaries and reminding myself that people are not responsible to regulate what I feel. I’m learning that my feelings valid and learning when to take ownership of my faults but also forgiving myself for them. 2020 wasn’t what I expected my year to be and I had a lot planned, but I’m still so happy that I still found growth during this year. I’m learning to better myself every years since then. My aunt’s death still hurts, but it truly put my life into perspective and I just want to keep getting better and growing and trying hard to be in a better place. I don’t wanna give up on myself just yet.