does anyone ever apologize for how Ava was treated those first few eps of WN? Sorry I’m watching rn and it’s really grinding my gears how the OCS is acting like *shes* self-centered for not wanting to die for catholicism. Or being called a coward for allegedly killing herself as if her life for 12 years wasn’t hell (due to the neglect/abuse, mostly, not inherently her paralysis but that too) . like I feel like the show is …agreeing? with all these ppl calling Ava selfish etc and I’m like ‘actually ava should’ve killed more people’

I held off answering this bc I haven't rewatched S1 since it dropped 2 years ago and my notorious swiss cheese memory isn't helping but

the narrative DOES NOT side with calling anyone a coward for ending their lives as far as I recall that's something the evil nun from the orphanage did and they took their time to showcase how evil it is to have that much of a lack of compassion to someone neglected abused not to mention orphaned and abandoned and sequestred to their sick bed for 12 yrs.

I think for the ocs though it's another story bc you have to remember that the situation isn't. as clear cut as it seems which is where the conflict resides and which makes it all the more interesting! A good chunk of S1 is spent showing that, yes the OCS sees the bigger picture, mostly, but a whole lot of them bring in their own personal biases and the show really underlines it: lilith is resentful bc the halo has become the be-all end-all of validation of her identity, mother superion is extra hard on ava bc ava reminds her too much of her former self that the halo rejected but somehow the halo still wouldn't reject ava, mary is on a revenge trail, duretti wants to be pope before all else, etc.

And ava ofc did NOT ask to be given the halo. She didn't ask to become a savior with otherwordly powers but the fact is the halo chose her AND is keeping her alive. The ethical dilemma here is: you can't take the halo away without killing ava, but being the halo bearer MEANS you've become responsible for more than just your own life. And I think the show did a good job of showing ava that yeah! she matters!! her pain matters and she deserves being heard! but her powers are meant to protect MORE than herself, her pain isn't the only one deserving of consideration. And I think having beatrice be the one to slowly guide her into this, beatrice who's the only OCS member who sees both the big picture AND HAS NO stake of her own in the matter, beatrice who sees the warrior nun AND ava, is such a fundamental building block to her overarching arc that takes her from the limited view from her sick bed to becoming the person who can shoulder both her pain and others', someone who can belong and find community with her sisters and eventually love with beatrice.