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#why cant she be nice?? i dunno. i genuinely cannot fathom a mum being nice or fair or even
kkoct-ik · 4 months
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how are you supposed to react to the realisation that your parent is like actually abusive
#kostik speaks#this is not the first time. or the second. or the. i just keep realising this and then forgetting to protect myself#abuse#domestic abuse#for cw#im processing today that its not normal for your parent to not care about your feelings or pain at all#like them hurting you for hours because theyre angry and not caring because the only thing that matters is that theyre mad at you#im realising that might not be normal#my household is shit in a lot of other ways but my mum situation is really difficult for me to process#at least with house being bad its kinda nebulous and a feeling#processing that my mum mistreats me and all her kids is kind of realer and uh. therefore harder#i dont get it#why cant she be normal#why cant she be nice?? i dunno. i genuinely cannot fathom a mum being nice or fair or even#its just relentless rage or offense the moment you make a mistake or make her look bad#as long as youre helpful and make her look good shes fine#but god forbid youre a child and make a mistake because youre a child. god forbid you be autistic and struggle#i dont understand its so inconsistent. sometimes she sounds like she cares. she advocates for all sorts of stuff#but if shes mad at you youre not a person anymore. you dont deserve rights or dignity or sympathy. i dont get it#and christ it doesnt take much for her to be mad at you. she never lets go grudges anyway so you never know when itll come#sorry for abuse posting i recently came back from home and had therapy about it and then a chat with my flatmate about abusive parenting#my brain is working
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